Any good ways to talk about sexual frequency?

[Anonymous]

OP, My DH is your DW. If a friend calls will drop everything and head out drinking until 3am but can't manage to have sex with me more than once every 6-8 weeks. Will refuse to believe how low frequency is if I don't keep count. He doesn't care about my unhappiness because he "knows" I'll never leave him.

Except he's wrong. In five years I will force a change or leave because I can't live like this forever. We have talked about it endlessly, scheduled date nights that he does not keep, I've gotten counseling. But sex does not matter to him in the same way and he is too selfish to want to make me happy. That bottom line will not change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, My DH is your DW. If a friend calls will drop everything and head out drinking until 3am but can't manage to have sex with me more than once every 6-8 weeks. Will refuse to believe how low frequency is if I don't keep count. He doesn't care about my unhappiness because he "knows" I'll never leave him.

Except he's wrong. In five years I will force a change or leave because I can't live like this forever. We have talked about it endlessly, scheduled date nights that he does not keep, I've gotten counseling. But sex does not matter to him in the same way and he is too selfish to want to make me happy. That bottom line will not change.

Why wait five years? I'm very pro-marriage but this sounds bad. Nothing should take you five years - get your ducks in a row and make a 1 or 2 year plan.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she would consider scheduled sex? I used to think it's a weird concept, but I want to bring it up to DH. If you decide on, say, every Friday night, then she can anticipate and get herself fired up! : BUT you need to let her know that she, of course, can pass it up if she's just not in the mood. You DON'T want her to feel forced.

And, you should be especially sweet as your night is approaching. Don't just help out around the house, but also compliment her, offer to put the kids to bed, pour her a glass of wine, rub her back, take her to dinner or grab dinner on the way home from work. Not saying you have to do all that every Friday! Just some ideas. In other words, you need to give HER some attention and also some down time. Women don't feel sexy when we are taking care of kids all day. She needs some time in the evening to transition into sexy mode. I know that my kids are hanging all over me all day long. I like to have an hour or so to just enjoy my personal space before snuggling with DH.

Oh, and make sure you are presentable as well. Shower, shave, clean underwear.

[Anonymous]

Clean underwear!?!? You women want the moon, don't you.