not thrilled yet with my son's school

[Anonymous]

PP, would you take your 3rd grader to a wedding between a man and a woman? If so, why? Do you feel you would have to have a conversation with your child about what the bride and groom will be doing in their hotel room later that night?

I'm guessing no, you would not be having that conversation with your child.

Why then, do you consider two women being married as being "about sex"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are allowed to think what you want to think..but..a school pushing this on kids when their parents have every right to decide how to discuss is still their right as parents. Face it the people who want this taught have an agenda..they want to "educate" your children on this as they see it and try to curtail if you have different thoughts. They don't care that a family may want to have these kinds of "mature" discussions in their own timetable. And yes..talking about why two woman are married is confusing and it is something that a family has every right to introduce as they see fit. The other problem that I see is it really turns off people..like me..who are pro gay marriage pro gay rights..that's fine to me but I want to talk about this with my kids when I feel they are ready to understand and take in. It isn't for you to decide that it isn't about sex..because I feel it is about sex..and that is something I am waiting to discuss.

What is hard to understand about saying, yeah, Bill married Andy, they love each other. It won't turn your child gay. Kids understand a lot more about love and acceptance until their ignorant parents teach them to hate difference, whether it is sexual orientation or race. Ignorance is ignorance, and you are ignorant.

[Anonymous]

I think part of the issue is that the OP is referencing posters about "coming out" and "safe places." To me, those issues are more mature/complex than the simple fact that families come in a wide range of forms, including one, two, or more parents (step, half, etc.) of one or more gender. "Coming out" and "safe places" issues would seem to focus on the issue of how various people in society view different kinds of sexuality and love. It is more than a basic understanding that Martha has two moms. I can understand why someone who is not at all bigoted would not want these more complex issues introduced at the third grade level. And to the poster who assume an earlier poster is "bigoted," that's a pretty awful thing to say about someone you don't know and who may just have a different approach from yours.

[Anonymous]

MY DC is at an VA private. They spent 2x as much time on gay sex ed as they spent on hetero sex ed. My DC (who is not a homophobe) came home from school and said they were going overboard. There is a difference between providing information and pushing an agenda. Not every child is ready for this (or extensive hetero info) at the same age.

[Anonymous]

So if you are at GDS, then you must have been asleep at all the open houses, meetings, etc, etc...because my kids don't go there, but even I knew that was going to happen.

But more important than whether or not you "like" the school yet, what does your son think? I'm not trying to be snarky, but your child isn't a direct extension of you. And perhaps what work for them isn't what feels good to you? I often think of this when I think of how my children may turn our differently and go to totally different schools and we, as their parents, will need to do our best to fit into what works for them...not the opposite.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if my DC notices it or has any clue what it means. I notice it though, and I think it's inappropriate with young children around. And to the prior poster, it's not the "two mommies" thing that bothers me. My kids have seen that in two different schools now. It's what I said in my original post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if my DC notices it or has any clue what it means. I notice it though, and I think it's inappropriate with young children around. And to the prior poster, it's not the "two mommies" thing that bothers me. My kids have seen that in two different schools now. It's what I said in my original post.

Here's what your original post complained about ...

the overt and trying-too-hard gay-friendliness -- e.g., the recent giant posters announcing "National Coming Out Week" along with books about gay teenagers in the library. The designated gay-friendly "safe-places." The assemblies with facilitators "having a conversation with the students" about diversity and acceptance of gay/lesbians.

I'm not calling you a bigot or implying other ugly things about you. I'm truly curious what's so offensive to you. Your description does not sound over-the-top at all to me. I hear no reference -- even veiled -- to sex. It all seems to describe relationships, which is something most kids will already have experienced. You say it's not the two-mommies thing; is it the two-daddies thing that bothers you? Is it the suggestion that students might possibly be gay? What is it that's bugging you?

Also, based on my own recollection of growing up, it seems that grades 3rd-5th are when "the sex talk" usually occurred between kids and parents, and we kids already knew (or thought we knew) most of the basics by 3rd grade. I assume kids these days are much more savvy and educated. So if your son is in 3rd grade, he might be aware of the sex aspects already.

[Anonymous]

Not the same poster but this is heavy discussion..again..because it's very natural and no big deal to you doesn't mean I feel the same way. This is definitely something I would like to handle in our family.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I don't think you can avoid hard subjects, though, like bigotry toward and hatred of LGBT people. I never thought I would be telling a second grader or a third grader about how women used to be second class citizens, but I have. Or about racism. I had totally forgotten that The Secret Garden would raise race issues and class issues until we started reading it. What are you going to do? Just read a long like the Mistress Maryis just fine for slapping her Ayah and for her views on the "natives" in India?

That doesn't mean you have to go into everything, of course. But I don't think you can avoid this stuff. I didn't go into how people in DH's family way back owned slaves; we'll get there eventually. I can't pretend, though, that the world is and always has been a perfect place. Examples of bad behavior towards other humans abound; all you have to do is turn on the news. Oh, and the Tenth Anniversary of 9/11? That was a fun one, but I didn't shy away from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if you are at GDS, then you must have been asleep at all the open houses, meetings, etc, etc...because my kids don't go there, but even I knew that was going to happen.

But more important than whether or not you "like" the school yet, what does your son think? I'm not trying to be snarky, but your child isn't a direct extension of you. And perhaps what work for them isn't what feels good to you? I often think of this when I think of how my children may turn our differently and go to totally different schools and we, as their parents, will need to do our best to fit into what works for them...not the opposite.

OP: My son says he likes the school. What I am concerned about though is not whether I like the school or not but whether I think it's a good place for him. I am worried that it's too small and that his peer group is not big enough. And that we're missing the community of our neighborhood school. For example, his friends from school do not live near us so he can't go trick or treating with them tonight. I think the school is good academically but he is the type of kid who would do well academically anywhere i suspect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think part of the issue is that the OP is referencing posters about "coming out" and "safe places." To me, those issues are more mature/complex than the simple fact that families come in a wide range of forms, including one, two, or more parents (step, half, etc.) of one or more gender. "Coming out" and "safe places" issues would seem to focus on the issue of how various people in society view different kinds of sexuality and love. It is more than a basic understanding that Martha has two moms. I can understand why someone who is not at all bigoted would not want these more complex issues introduced at the third grade level. And to the poster who assume an earlier poster is "bigoted," that's a pretty awful thing to say about someone you don't know and who may just have a different approach from yours.

A 'different' approach can still be bigoted. I'm sorry for not tiptoeing around bigotry while trying to be insufferably polite to others. Their polite disapproval of gays can lead to kids committing suicide, students getting bullied, and people dying. It is what it is: bigotry.

[Anonymous]

If your DC doesn't like the school, move. If you don't like the school, that might be another issue. If this is about trick or treating arrangements the problem is much larger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DC doesn't like the school, move. If you don't like the school, that might be another issue. If this is about trick or treating arrangements the problem is much larger.

OP: It's not about trick or treating, for goodness sake. Will leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

OP - is your DC young enough that you are still at an entry point at some schools? If so, maybe explore some of the schools that you think would provide a larger peer group and compare them to current school. It may make sense to move your son. If you are no longer at an entry point, then remember why you chose that school in the first place and make your peace with the shortcomings. We are at a school we loved on paper and when we went on tours, met with admissions person, etc. But in practice, the academics aren't diferentiated nearly to the extent we had been told, and some of the academics are down-right disappointing. But i don't want to move my kid again, and most of the reasons we fell in love with the school still hold, plus my kid LOVES it. But there is nothing wrong with looking some more - 'tis the season! Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if you are at GDS, then you must have been asleep at all the open houses, meetings, etc, etc...because my kids don't go there, but even I knew that was going to happen.

But more important than whether or not you "like" the school yet, what does your son think? I'm not trying to be snarky, but your child isn't a direct extension of you. And perhaps what work for them isn't what feels good to you? I often think of this when I think of how my children may turn our differently and go to totally different schools and we, as their parents, will need to do our best to fit into what works for them...not the opposite.

OP: My son says he likes the school. What I am concerned about though is not whether I like the school or not but whether I think it's a good place for him. I am worried that it's too small and that his peer group is not big enough. And that we're missing the community of our neighborhood school. For example, his friends from school do not live near us so he can't go trick or treating with them tonight. I think the school is good academically but he is the type of kid who would do well academically anywhere i suspect.

Exactly! I feel the same way.