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high schools where smart kids aren't considered nerds & can be popular?
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Anonymous
The reason this myth persists is that the popular, smart kids are often those who have learned to adjust their level and style of conversation based on their audience, so people don't think of them as that smart. I wish that parents and educators would explicitly teach this skill to bright kids who alienate their peers with by talking over their heads or going on about topics that aren't of general interest. Save your Klingon greeting for the Mensa meetings. |
Anonymous
| But some smart kids just have a different way of thinking that is natural and they may not be as saavy socially. (In fact, this isn't just for "smart kids".) In a case like that, I would think it would be sad for the child to have their parents AND teachers also making them feel like it is not okay to be themselves. I agree it is important to teach your child social skills to help them in life..totally...but not to the point that the child feels like even their parents think they are outcasts too. |
Anonymous
|
10:15 here. 11:44, yes, I completely agree, and it's certainly happier to be in a school environment where you don't have to constantly monitor your language and behavior in order to fit in. Still, I think that a lot of kids who could be taught how to adapt socially to different situations aren't.
I also think that modern parents tend to do a poor job of teaching their kids modesty and humility, which are especially important if you are smart, pretty, rich, or have some other advantage over other people. People will be primed to dislike you if you exhibit any signs of arrogance. But OP, I'm not suggesting for a second that any of this is applicable to your child. I'm just responding to the post about smart kids not being popular. |
Anonymous
| 11:44 here again - to 10:15. Agreed on all points...especially the modesty and humility comment - I think it is a total disservice to have a very bright kid (or any kid for that matter) to believe they are somehow "better" than anyone else. I think this is one of the challenges for kids - to make sure they have self esteem to feel good about themselves but at the same time not let them get too full of themselves at the expense of others. Teaching social skills are so important at so many levels. |
Anonymous
Who said anything about validation? Both DD and I have valued smart boys for their eagerness to "talk shop" (and, perhaps, their relative lack of interest in social dynamics). |
Anonymous
Of course it would be appalling to teach them that they are better than other people. There's no question that they have an advantage, though, which is a very different thing. The essence of humility is the belief that you aren't better than other people. |
Anonymous
| I think for kids, especially from grades 3 - 8, popular is a LOADED word. My children have never attended a school (public or private) where academic achievement was not celebrated. I will agree that some extremely bright kids have to work on their social skills. And while there are popular kids who are popular simply because they are nice and fun kids that people want to hang with, often, especially in the early years kids are deemed popular due to their behavior that reflects pop culture. Often times this also includes being exposed to entertainment and such that is actually not meant for someone their age. Not a good thing. |
Anonymous
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I have a secret for you parents: the school doesn't matter that much.
What matters is mostly luck: who's in the grade, who happens to be in your classes, common interests, etc. If you're a "nerdy," smart student who has good social skills, you'll probably be "popular," or at least happily social no matter where you go. If you're not, then a school change won't do much, except change the luck factors. I'm a (self-proclaimed) nerdy high school student at a DC private. I'm not "popular," but I have really good friends, a boyfriend, and can talk to many people in the school. In my experience, the appreciation of intelligence comes with maturity. When we were younger, discussing intellectual topics was somewhat frowned upon, but as we've gotten older, these discussions have become more prevalent and accepted. As a result, I've gained more friends as I've gotten older and become more social overall. No one at any school will shun your child for being smart, or even think slightly less of her for it. Students will think less of your child if she's arrogant about her intelligence, brags about her grades, has a poor sense of humor, or doesn't share any interests with other students (i.e. is only interested in schoolwork, is unable to discuss any pop culture or gossip). My sister is a lot like me; she went to the same school and had few friends. It wasn't because she's smart or can't talk to people (she can); it's because she got stuck in an ugly situation where she got an unfortunate reputation in middle school. There were nice people in her grade whom she got along with; it was just bad luck. It wasn't because my school is a bad social environment for smart kids; other intelligent, intellectual kids in her grade were doing wonderfully socially. I wish you and your daughter lots of luck and hope she has a great high school experience. |
Anonymous
Most of the "extremely bright" adults I know need to work on their social skills. |
Anonymous
| 22:06 Nicely put. Sometimes attaining "popularity" in high school involves committing to a frenetic and superficial social schedule and conforming to a degree that doesn't appeal to the more mature students, smart and otherwise. You sound like this type of person. |
Anonymous
Perhaps, but we are talking about kids and often children who are raise by parents who monitor what comes into their homes for appropriateness have a difficult time communicating with the children of parents who monitor nothing and deem it acceptable for 11 year olds to take in Gossip Girl and 13 year olds to run around with juicy or pink written across their ass. And the latter behavior is what is frequently emulated in the quest for popularity. |
Anonymous
And I have a secret for you -- your experience of different schools is quite limited and limited to a school (or schools) that your parents chose *for you*. You're right that their choice didn't seal your social fate (as you point out by contrasting your sister's experience to your own), but it doesn't follow that it doesn't matter where you attended school. You both, for example, could have been miserable elsewhere. Different schools have different cultures and environments, some more hospitable, some more hostile to different types of kids. It's never a sure thing (it's decisionmaking under lots of different kinds of uncertainty), and, as a parent, your work isn't done once you choose what you think/hope will be the right school for your child(ren), but that doesn't mean that the decision is inconsequential or that social environment isn't worth taking into account as you make a choice. |
Anonymous
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to 12:33 - but don't you think that 22:06 has a point that even if parents try their best to find a "nice school" - that sometimes the social outcome for a child is a matter of luck of who is in their class or by the occurrance of a given situation?
As adults, haven't we all had experiences where we came across another person in the mix that either made that experience so much better or so much worse than we had expected? Haven't we found that the dynamics at work, at a social event, at a family gathering etc can all change depending on who happens to be in the mix? And that a small change in the mix can make all the difference one way or the other? 22:06 may be off base by saying it doesn't matter at all which school you are at...but I do think 22:06 has a point by saying that you can do all you want from the outset as parents to find a good match of social environment - but it is very hard to predict the social dynamics of the class your child will become a part of. And for that matter - that some kids are going to adapt more easily than others to any given situation. As for the OP (whose question I "get" completely) - 22:06's point might be helpful to consider? If your child is doing fine, is challenged academically, has friends and seems happy - maybe you don't want to rock the boat? It seems like being a new kid in a school may be a hard and unnecessary transition for an otherwise happy teen? |
Anonymous
Yes and I explicitly acknowledged that -- in the sentence that began "You're right..." That said, while I agree that who's in a particular class is a function of luck, I'm more skeptical of "luck" as the explanation for situations that produce lasting reputations in a social context where people have frequent interactions over the course of years. If one unlucky incident leads to an unduly harsh and unshakeable judgment, then something is wrong with the environment -- it's one that is unforgiving and that has no problem writing people off. Alternatively, someone could be unlucky to be exposed for who he is in such a quick/definitive/very public way, but if what's seen in that unlucky moment is something real and lasting, then I'd think that the reputation was more a function of his underlying character than of luck. (cough Eliot Spitzer cough). And I agree with your "if it ain't broke, don't fix it point." If the OP's daughter is unhappy or wants a chance to start over socially, that's one thing. If it's just a situation where OP thinks DC could do better, that's another -- and one where the downside could be much stronger than the upside. |
Anonymous
| The co-ed private schools are less likely to have bullies and mean girl/boy behavior than the single sex schools. |