Would you send 2 kids to elite private schools you could BARELY afford?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to remove descriptives like elite and catholic, and think about which school you think is the best fit for your child and are the additional benefits worth the added cost. My DC attends what is considered an excellent public elementary school in Bethesda, within the Whitman district. We debated sending him to private, not one of the "big 3" but an excellent school which shared our philosophy on educating young children, with a $30k/year price tag. We ultimately opted for public due to the fact that the tuition would have been a real stretch for us, and paying it would have prohibited one of us changing/leaving jobs, buying a bigger house someday, doing all the camps and trips we want our DC to experience. However, now that I've seen the public school in action I am really disappointed and feel like spending the money on what i think would be an amazing educational experience is worth way more than those otherthings. (of course, no guaranty that the private would be that excellent once there, but that's an oft debated subject here.) so, my 2 cents is that I'd gear up for one of the feeder preschools so that at the appropriate time you can decide if it's worth it to you to send your DC there.

This has been an extremely interesting and informative thread to read. I don't live in Bethesda and do not need to know specifically what public school you are talking about, but I am EXTREMELY interested in what exactly made the school disappointing. That is, it is considered an "excellent" public elementary school but you are now disappointed--what specifically is the issue? I ask because we are in the attendance zone of what is considered a very good school in our area, though I visited and was not really that impressed. Did you catch on early on to the issues that are now bothering you? Or did these disappointments reveal themselves over time? Don't mean to hijack the thread, but I think this is really useful information in general. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't. Remember that there are a lot of extra costs for education that won't be included in your tuition and fees. Your children will be going to school with other children whose parents most likely won't be in the same budget squeeze. I think economic segregation starts very early these days -- children know when another child doesn't have a lot of money. Think about costs of birthday gifts, parties, social events and then into middle school wants and needs into high school. I had friends in a Southern town who went to private school and it was essentially a reason for their racist parents to keep them away from black people. These kids were the wildest (read drugs, sex, drinking early on) and most spoiled I ever met. I was a teacher in a public school in the South and taught gifted and talented high school English. My kids were very type a and were fine. I would never, even if I could afford to do so, send my children to a private school.

A PP here. I just want to say that I find your post very powerful. I went to a public high school and was friends with a number of people who had considerably more money than us. It was always obvious and often difficult. My late father was a government employee and my (upper class) HS boyfriend's mother made snide comments about my father being a civil servant. She said "civil servant" like she was trying to get lint of her tongue. My father was a smarter, better man than most anyone you can name; he saved his entire career so I could go to college. Anyway, just wanted to say that I liked your post.

[Anonymous]

Only if the alternative were incredibly mediocre-to-crappy. Or if my child had special needs that the public system could not address properly.

[Anonymous]

20:35 again -- hit submit too soon

College, baby. College is expensive. Then there's also retirement. You have to make sure you take care of yourself so you don't become a burden to your children... So, again, these are substantial "costs" to squeezing your budget. Given this is the case, the private school better be a helluva lot better than the crummy alternative.

[Anonymous]

No. This may be shocking, but we can afford $30K tuition for two and still have chosen public. Kids are in early elementary, perhaps we would go private later if we couldn't find what we needed in public.

I believe in living well within my means, and want to teach my kids the same. Besides, parents under stress (such as financial) create stressful households for their kids.

Further, I think public school kids often fare better in the real world. The schools are larger and require kids to be independent in order to find their way, besides often having a more diverse student body. I really don't understand the "send my kids to private at any cost" argument, and can't understand why so many kids are in parochial school here. I understand if the parent was at parochial school and feels strongly, but I feel like so many here choose that just because it ISN'T public school. But, to me, the curriculum isn't as strong.

Instead, we spend our money on travel and other experiences. Our kids have been to China and India. They'll have jobs in high school if they aren't volunteering their time. Then, I'll pay in full for them to attend college, so they don't take the money from another more deserving student. (I worked at a University, which totally changed my perspective.) Also, if they go to public, then I'll give them money for a down payment on a house, or save it for their kids. Or, if they want to take a gap year and volunteer in Africa, I'll support them.

I think it's helpful to sit down and decide what your priorities are for your family, and don't worry about the neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. This may be shocking, but we can afford $30K tuition for two and still have chosen public. Kids are in early elementary, perhaps we would go private later if we couldn't find what we needed in public.

I believe in living well within my means, and want to teach my kids the same. Besides, parents under stress (such as financial) create stressful households for their kids.

Further, I think public school kids often fare better in the real world. The schools are larger and require kids to be independent in order to find their way, besides often having a more diverse student body. I really don't understand the "send my kids to private at any cost" argument, and can't understand why so many kids are in parochial school here. I understand if the parent was at parochial school and feels strongly, but I feel like so many here choose that just because it ISN'T public school. But, to me, the curriculum isn't as strong.

Instead, we spend our money on travel and other experiences. Our kids have been to China and India. They'll have jobs in high school if they aren't volunteering their time. Then, I'll pay in full for them to attend college, so they don't take the money from another more deserving student. (I worked at a University, which totally changed my perspective.) Also, if they go to public, then I'll give them money for a down payment on a house, or save it for their kids. Or, if they want to take a gap year and volunteer in Africa, I'll support them.

I think it's helpful to sit down and decide what your priorities are for your family, and don't worry about the neighbors.

15:04 here, PP this is a great post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This has been an extremely interesting and informative thread to read. I don't live in Bethesda and do not need to know specifically what public school you are talking about, but I am EXTREMELY interested in what exactly made the school disappointing. That is, it is considered an "excellent" public elementary school but you are now disappointed--what specifically is the issue? I ask because we are in the attendance zone of what is considered a very good school in our area, though I visited and was not really that impressed. Did you catch on early on to the issues that are now bothering you? Or did these disappointments reveal themselves over time? Don't mean to hijack the thread, but I think this is really useful information in general. Thanks!

PP, I'm not the PP you are responding to, but I want to take a stab at answering your question anyhow. I am pretty disappointed with MD schools in general -- it isn't the fault of any individual school or even school district -- the overall curriculua chosen by the MD state dept of ed, especially in elementary school, and the types of tests they have designed in response to No Child Left Behind mandates, really emphasise teaching primarily reading and vocabulary "strategies" (not writing, and especially not creative writing) and math. Lately, they have started improving science instruction as finally Science is a mandatory MSA test in grade 5. I cannot see hardly any social studies instruction gonig on in many schools as there is no Social Studies MSA in elementary school. Kids are lucky to get 30 minutes of lip service to social studies (learning about Community Helpers, learning about Our Town, drawing neighborhood maps) but get very little solid content in history, economics, civics and geography.

So, the MD "Voluntary" curriculum leaves me underwhelmed. Fortunately by June 2011, MD is supposed to adopt the Common Core State Standards, aligning its curriculum with a new curriculum agreed upon by many states in the nation, at least for Language Arts and Math. Eventually we should have common assessments as well, and should scrap the MSA. I am hoping at the very least this will improve the writing expectations for students in MD public schools.

http://www.marylandpublicschools.org/MSDE/programs/ccss

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Further, I think public school kids often fare better in the real world. The schools are larger and require kids to be independent in order to find their way, besides often having a more diverse student body.

Totally agree. Honestly, I think it's better for kids to go to schools where they will interact with those from different races AND different classes. The real world isn't all lily-white and privileged. We're not doing our kids any favors when we shelter them from those who are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are planning ahead for our 2 kids; the cost of sending them to an elite private school (at 20-24K per year per child) is something we can afford, but with very little in savings, and almost no wriggle room for our daily lives, and DH and I would both DEFINITELY have to work. This is assuming our incomes don't significantly increase in the years ahead. Our kids right now are only 2 and 3, but certain pre-schools are feeders and so we have to start thinking about this now.

Would you send your kids to the elite private school? Our alternative are catholic schools which would be around 10K cheaper per child.

(FYI -- we currently live in the South but I used to live in DC and would love to hear people's thoughts).

Are you guaranteed entrance into one of these preschools and then 100% guaranteed entrance to the "elite" school just because they went to the preschool?

[Anonymous]

Maybe we could afford private when we only had 2 kids, but now that we have 4, no way. College is so expensive, even state schools and we live in DC and use DCTAG.