Lesbian Family moving to VA from MD - Where to live

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please consider changing your mind. Moving to Virginia as a gay couple is dumb idea. Moving their as a gay couple with children is irresponsible.

You literally have no rights in Virginia. The constitution actually forbids the state from recognizing whatever legal agreements you have in place. If you end up before the wrong judge or in the wrong hospital you will be screwed.

Signed,
An LGBT attorney

Totally agree with this.

Actually know a couple who had extended family sue for and get custody of their children, in NoVA, just like the Sharon Bottoms case. If you get in front of the wrong judge, the fact of your relationship can make you "unfit" parents. They didn't think it could happen to them either. The Bottoms case is still valid law in VA.
http://www.hrc.org/1193.htm

In contrast, in DC you can be legally married and that might be coming soon in MD too.

Just because your neighbors in Falls Church or Arlington might be nice doesn't mean that your family is safe in VA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have definitely considered trying to stay in MD. Her job responsibilites will change so that she will have to be there before at 745am and not leave until after 6pm as she will be running the office. She will also have to do more dinners, etc. with the team. Her company offered to move us as close to the Md/Va line as possible because they understand the concern for us. But I haven't been able to find anything reasonable from a price perspective and don't know anything about Potomac. From a cost perspective and commute perspective.

Thanks to everyone for the continued feedback. This is very helpful! I think she might "test drive" Reston to Arlington in the evenings (which is typically the worst part of the commute) and see where we might be able to position ourselves in Arlington County.

I will also take a look at Oakton. At least the good thing about staying in the area is we can drive around and familiarize ourselves with different towns!

Thanks again!

Are you members of the Rainbow Families group? Perhaps you could look at the directory to see if there are folks in MD close to the bridge? It is not likely that you will find gay/lesbian parents in Potomac in large numbers, but the same is true in NoVA. As the kids get bigger it is something to consider. We are at an upper NW DC public and there are several 2 mom and 2 dad families, our kids talk about "not being the only one". Not sure where you currently are in MD but there are a LOT of 2 mom families in Silver Spring as well as a lot of other types of diversity, unlike NoVA.

I would not move back to VA without talking with a lawyer, I believe that the Sharon Bottoms case is still controlling law, which is a serious risk. It sounds like you have some real tradeoffs to make, good luck with your decision. It may be easier to stay where you are and to hire some help in the late afternoon/early evening. A friend had a college student come a few times per week to play with the kids while she made dinner. Has she tried the commute at the new hours, maybe it won't be so bad earlier/later?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I live in south Arlington with our kids in a very very gay friendly neighborhood (we are heterosexual). Our zip is 22204, near george mason drive and south frederick street. There are 5 gay/lesbian families in our immediate neighborhood/block. We love living here.

[Anonymous]

OP, check out Glen Echo, Cabin John or neighborhoods in Bethesda 20816 like Bannockburn and Glen Echo Heights. As close as you can get to Virginia while still protecting your rights.

[Anonymous]

OP here. We did try to look at Potomac, Cabin John, 20186 - as close to VA as possible but still in MD and couldn't find a home for less than $850k. I am a member of Rainbow families and sent an email out and only received 2 responses. We have worked with an attorney for the adoptions and have all of the legal documents in place. We have spoken to her and she believes we are adequately protected. (And thankfully we both come from very supportive familes!)

Since my partner did get the job, we are going to try to stay in our home for now and make an assessment in 6 months. Her company wants her closer to the office, but also completely understands our perspective. They also know that if we do move, we want to be back in MD in 3-5 years, which they have agreed to.

I appreciate everyones feedback and suggestions. Stay tuned!

[Anonymous]

Op here. Just wanted to thank everyone for the feedback and thoughts. We have decided to move to North Arlington. My partner can take 66 to work in Reston and I can take 50 into DC. We lived in South Arlington 6 years ago but moved to MD so we could have our family. I felt very comfortable in Arlington and hope that I feel comfortable there again as a gay parent. Any recommendations for areas in Arlington are greatly appreciated. (As are daycares, pediatricians, etc!) We hope to move sometime in November or December of 2011. Thanks again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please consider changing your mind. Moving to Virginia as a gay couple is dumb idea. Moving their as a gay couple with children is irresponsible.

You literally have no rights in Virginia. The constitution actually forbids the state from recognizing whatever legal agreements you have in place. If you end up before the wrong judge or in the wrong hospital you will be screwed.

Signed,
An LGBT attorney

+1000

[Anonymous]

yea stay away from Oakton more Manassas like.. Arlington is the most acceptable part of the commonwealth the further you get from us the more into "real Virginia" you get

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please consider changing your mind. Moving to Virginia as a gay couple is dumb idea. Moving their as a gay couple with children is irresponsible.

You literally have no rights in Virginia. The constitution actually forbids the state from recognizing whatever legal agreements you have in place. If you end up before the wrong judge or in the wrong hospital you will be screwed.

Signed,
An LGBT attorney

ReallY???!!! I am a pp I swear I don't know what is up with my commonwealth. My thought 'you got the money to pay taxes come 1 come all'. I can't wait to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yea stay away from Oakton more Manassas like.. Arlington is the most acceptable part of the commonwealth the further you get from us the more into "real Virginia" you get

I think Vienna would be ok -- it's a little quirkier than other VA areas -- in a good way, I mean. City of Fairfax is nice and close to Reston b/c you can get on Chain bridge road. Vienna would be close to reston too. Remember to think about the public schools too. South arlington has crappy schools and too far from reston.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Just wanted to thank everyone for the feedback and thoughts. We have decided to move to North Arlington. My partner can take 66 to work in Reston and I can take 50 into DC. We lived in South Arlington 6 years ago but moved to MD so we could have our family. I felt very comfortable in Arlington and hope that I feel comfortable there again as a gay parent. Any recommendations for areas in Arlington are greatly appreciated. (As are daycares, pediatricians, etc!) We hope to move sometime in November or December of 2011. Thanks again!

schools are good there and houses are $$$$$$$$$

[Anonymous]

Delray section of alexandria...

[Anonymous]

OP,

I'd get a second opinion from another lawyer. I think I know who you used and her advice is not that reliable.

You can find something in Cabin John for the same price as Arlington. Set yourselves up for the long term, it's disruptive to kids to be switching schools all the time.

Signed,
Lawyer in a 2 mom family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please consider changing your mind. Moving to Virginia as a gay couple is dumb idea. Moving their as a gay couple with children is irresponsible.

You literally have no rights in Virginia. The constitution actually forbids the state from recognizing whatever legal agreements you have in place. If you end up before the wrong judge or in the wrong hospital you will be screwed.

Signed,
An LGBT attorney

Totally agree with this.

Actually know a couple who had extended family sue for and get custody of their children, in NoVA, just like the Sharon Bottoms case. If you get in front of the wrong judge, the fact of your relationship can make you "unfit" parents. They didn't think it could happen to them either. The Bottoms case is still valid law in VA.
http://www.hrc.org/1193.htm

OMG I hate the commonwealth
In contrast, in DC you can be legally married and that might be coming soon in MD too.

Just because your neighbors in Falls Church or Arlington might be nice doesn't mean that your family is safe in VA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please consider changing your mind. Moving to Virginia as a gay couple is dumb idea. Moving their as a gay couple with children is irresponsible.

You literally have no rights in Virginia. The constitution actually forbids the state from recognizing whatever legal agreements you have in place. If you end up before the wrong judge or in the wrong hospital you will be screwed.

Signed,
An LGBT attorney

Totally agree with this.

Actually know a couple who had extended family sue for and get custody of their children, in NoVA, just like the Sharon Bottoms case. If you get in front of the wrong judge, the fact of your relationship can make you "unfit" parents. They didn't think it could happen to them either. The Bottoms case is still valid law in VA.
http://www.hrc.org/1193.htm


In contrast, in DC you can be legally married and that might be coming soon in MD too.

Just because your neighbors in Falls Church or Arlington might be nice doesn't mean that your family is safe in VA.

Sorry my response went in the wrong place. OMG I hate the commonwealth. What are they going to do with my biracial child ad white father. Oh this is scary.