i get so angry at my toddler... how to control

[Anonymous]

hey OP, sorry you had to endure the snark from jealous people. clearly you are not happy with the situation and are looking to make things better, so people should give you a break. my only advice is to learn more about toddler discipline so there is less chance you'll get pushed to the breaking point. take away dinner the first time food is thrown. distract the kid by getting him to "help" with a household task. take a PEP class--if you have time and energy. hang in there and don't worry about the snarky people out there.

[Anonymous]

Aren't you glad that you are not alone, I usually hear so many pollyannas that they don't yell, telling the child in a calm voice he will get time out, etc. yatta, yatta. Yelling goes with territory and will happen. By acknowleding it and yes, apologizing and explaining to the child why you yelled (on ocassion apologize) when you are away from the inital situation and when calmer will make a difference to the matter.

Before you explode try to envision that people are watching you and believe me, you will watch your tone and manner- AND in that same breath walk away, do the breathing exercises and then do a consequence about the child losing a toy or privilege - This will help your situation (or some of them anyway!)

[Anonymous]

OP, we have all been there. But realistically I challenge you to spend two weeks with your toddler with out the help? You think you are going to lose it now? bhahahha laughable.

[Anonymous]

Another great book - Screamfree Parenting by Runkel. You don't have to be a screamer for this to be helpful. It is all about finding your calm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, we have all been there. But realistically I challenge you to spend two weeks with your toddler with out the help? You think you are going to lose it now? bhahahha laughable.

I agree. I'm really sorry, but I have little sympathy for someone who can't control her temper when that much "help" is at her disposal. I'm also in an extremely successful male-dominated career field (not that it really matters) and I have ZERO help and I manage to keep it together. Not to mention that I don't have any flexibility in my job which I think would add to the stress level. OP has a whole army of people helping her, flex-time at work and still cannot enjoy what is right in front of her.
Sorry. No sympathy here.
GL OP.

[Anonymous]

"If you are dumb enough to try and eat a sit down meal with a food throwing toddler at a restaurant, you are leaving early."

There is no reason you can't take a toddler to a low-key family friendly restaurant like Chicken Out. We take our toddler there from time to time, and he does just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks to all the moms who commiserated and gave advice - so incredibly helpful and wonderful to feel like i'm in good company. to the posters who say i shouldn't take DD to restaurants; in my opinion, that's one venue in which kids can be taught how to behave. 80% of the time we make it through entire meals at nicer places than chicken out without so much as a hitch, and 20% of the time, something happens... my point was not to say that this is a chronic problem at restaurants, but to point out an incident at a restaurant that got me wound up (and DH was helping and working on not throwing with DD; i just got so pissed that i had to intervene - i know, not helpful - next time, i will go to the bathroom)

And to the poster who says she has no sympathy b/c i have help, well, since you know nothing about me, you don't know that i am in very demanding male-dominated field and i'm doing really, really, really well. well enough that i can take one day off every week and still maintain my full-time status and well enough that i can leave work WHENEVER i want. i have a part-time nanny to cover the hours i work, and grandparents to take over the occasional day that work spills over past nap time, and a lady who comes and cooks once every couple of weeks so that when i get home, at 3 or 2 or 4, my time belongs to my DD.

and PP, you also don't know what my husband's financial situation is: would you have more sympathy if you found out he was working a job he loved with little pay? Or less sympathy if you found out he was a partner at a major law firm? or more sympathy if he was laid off recently and deeply depressed?

since you don't - and can't - know who i am, maybe you should focus on seeing if you can provide useful advice for the problem at hand - a third-trimester pregnant lady who's big and fat and slow and tired and can't keep up with her toddler and its making her mad.

that might have been helpful.

NP here. None of us know anything about you. But now I do think that you're kind of smug and self-promotional. How is this even relevant to what we're talking about? You have a part-time nanny and you work part-time. Who cares about the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"To put this in perspective: if you sometimes can't control your temper or emotions, and you are a grown up, imagine what a young toddler must feel like. We can't have expectations for them that are beyond those of ourself."

This is one of the best, most succinct reminders that I've read on this board in a long time and I will definitely be remembering it.

"If you are dumb enough to try and eat a sit down meal with a food throwing toddler at a restaurant, you are leaving early."

This was not. Jerk.

I have to say it is good advice, why set yourself up for failure? If you're child isn't at the point that they can behave at a restaurant then WHY take them out? It's common sense.

Who are you people who cannot take a toddler out for a brief meal? When my DD was that age, we went early, ate at kid-friendly restaurants and ate quickly. Rarely did we have an issue.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel your pain. No matter how much help you have or how many date nights you get with your husband or how much time alone you have, it doesn't really change the fact that in the moment, it's pretty horrible when your toddler repeatedly defies you and tests you and publicly embarrasses you. I have a 2.5 year old and I know how it feels and I've definitely raised my voice more than I should.

In terms of dealing with the specific problem of toddlers in restaurants, I've recently made more of an effort to bring extra supplies in my diaper bag: little books, crayons/paper, special quiet toys that I reserve only for restaurants, some extra snacks -- things that I can just hand my DD when she's restless at restaurants. I think the throwing food on the floor thing is probably a boredom thing so the extra toys/foods can provide distraction. I know that you're trying to teach your DC manners, but somedays they're just too worked up to really learn/listen and distraction/redirection is the only way to address the issue in the moment and still be able to finish your meal in peace. Good luck. Right there with you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we have all been there. But realistically I challenge you to spend two weeks with your toddler with out the help? You think you are going to lose it now? bhahahha laughable.

I agree. I'm really sorry, but I have little sympathy for someone who can't control her temper when that much "help" is at her disposal. I'm also in an extremely successful male-dominated career field (not that it really matters) and I have ZERO help and I manage to keep it together. Not to mention that I don't have any flexibility in my job which I think would add to the stress level. OP has a whole army of people helping her, flex-time at work and still cannot enjoy what is right in front of her.
Sorry. No sympathy here.
GL OP.

Sorry but this is bullshit. I'm not OP but I personally take offense to this ridulousness. My mother is always telling me how easy I have it because I have "help" when, in fact, my "help" is merely taking over child care duties while I'm WORKING - at my much higher stress job than being with the kids. If you, pp, do in fact work, you also have help in the form of someone else taking cae of your child(ren) -- whether it is a nanny at your house or a daycare working at a daycare center or a teacher at a school -- while you are working. Either that or you are just letting your children run amok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we have all been there. But realistically I challenge you to spend two weeks with your toddler with out the help? You think you are going to lose it now? bhahahha laughable.

I agree. I'm really sorry, but I have little sympathy for someone who can't control her temper when that much "help" is at her disposal. I'm also in an extremely successful male-dominated career field (not that it really matters) and I have ZERO help and I manage to keep it together. Not to mention that I don't have any flexibility in my job which I think would add to the stress level. OP has a whole army of people helping her, flex-time at work and still cannot enjoy what is right in front of her.
Sorry. No sympathy here.
GL OP.

Sorry but this is bullshit. I'm not OP but I personally take offense to this ridulousness. My mother is always telling me how easy I have it because I have "help" when, in fact, my "help" is merely taking over child care duties while I'm WORKING - at my much higher stress job than being with the kids. If you, pp, do in fact work, you also have help in the form of someone else taking cae of your child(ren) -- whether it is a nanny at your house or a daycare working at a daycare center or a teacher at a school -- while you are working. Either that or you are just letting your children run amok.

Agreed!

[Anonymous]

OP is pregnant, so lay off judgy-judges!

Also read: Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Discipline Solution. Great tips for emotional control, plus a chapter on parental anger. Use your lessons for teaching yourself control as a guide for how to teach your child about controlling her emotions.

I find parenting is a great excuse for self-improvement: you not only get to work on your own weak areas, but can model and teach this to your kids, too. Kudos to you, OP, for recognizing and wanting to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are at a casual restaurant. Do you need to clean the floor? Of course not. In fact, if you look around, there's probably food all over. So why are you getting this aggravated?

I would suggest to you that it's not about the floor or the food, it's about your stress level and wish for control over your life and your toddler.

that is quite funny. So...just because you don't clean the floor, do you allow your children to behave like animals at other people's propriety ?

[Anonymous]

OP, I still remember what it was like towards the end of my pregnancy. I couldn't sleep, I was fat, I was tired, and I was uncomfortable. I can't imagine what it's like to feel all that plus dealing with a toddler! Just a note to say, don't beat yourself up too much if you lose your patience. I count to 10 before I react to my toddler's unpleasant behaviors. I love the tickling idea (will have to try).

Good luck with the second baby! I do hear that it's tougher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just keep reminding yourself - she's only 23 months. She doesn't think ahead, she doesn't understand how you are feeling or how to make things easier for you, etc.

And be consistent with discipline. If you feel like you are losing your temper, give yourself a time out and take some deep breaths.

As others said I don't think a stern "no" or "stop" is out of line. Also, if she's throwing food simply take the food away. She's old enough to know not to throw food (and not to hit or kick).

Actually that's WRONG. They don't know right from wrong and WHY its wrong until between 3 aand 4. It's called the age of reason. Try reading Positive Discipline for Toddlers. It's SO helpful!