Would you send your kid to boarding school for HS?

[Anonymous]

Oh boy… another DCUM thread on boarding schools. I didn’t even read the comments, but I’m sure there were many comments from people who have never stepped foot on a boarding school campus and “would never…..”

Go visit a bunch, find the right fit, and make the right decision for your child and your family. Ignore the haters. We all loved boarding school in my family. Best decision ever made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend that went to a boarding school because we were from a city out west that had very limited private school options and he just really did not fit in at either of the two options. He thrived there.
But in an area like ours that has so many options, I cannot understand why anyone would do it, absent unusual family circumstances (parents who travel frequently; sibling with SN; etc.)
I have three teens and having the daily contact with them is just so important. They won’t seek you out at that age so you have to just sort of be there so that when things come up, you see them.

Except for a 3-4 local day schools, the schools in the area are not good options in comparison to boarding schools. They don’t even compare. My teen is at a top boarding school and they are able to do so much more in sports, activities, language, history, math, and science. The Ivys also come to their boarding school to recruit. And the social environment is so much healthier than when we’re in DC private. My teen loves their school. The DC schools are typically ranked lower nationally except the Big 3. If we were comparing New York schools, your statement would be accurate.

Which leads to the next question: who gives a shit? Is it so important that your kid go to one of the most highly ranked private schools available to humanity that it's worth shipping them away before puberty? Are the literally hundreds of thousands of DC area high school students who don't go that route so much worse off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy… another DCUM thread on boarding schools. I didn’t even read the comments, but I’m sure there were many comments from people who have never stepped foot on a boarding school campus and “would never…..”

Go visit a bunch, find the right fit, and make the right decision for your child and your family. Ignore the haters. We all loved boarding school in my family. Best decision ever made.

well at my ex -DH's school the kids had sex with their teachers. This is his first hand experience. So glad you had a great experience but it's a hell no from me when it comes to my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are boarding schools and there a boarding schools. For some families, the whole elite NE boarding school thing is just something that must be done. You went, your parents went, their parents went, your kids will go. It doesn't really matter if it's "right" for anyone in the family in particular. You just do it.

Yeah I went to boarding school (I never wanted to go and actively tanked interviews with admissions officers) only because my brother went, all my friends went, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. I looked around my entire friend group had left and my parents pretty much forced me to go.

I'd send DC to a boarding school as well. Had a great time after spending some time trying to rebel.

[Anonymous]

I would not no. But I would not judge you for doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh boy… another DCUM thread on boarding schools. I didn’t even read the comments, but I’m sure there were many comments from people who have never stepped foot on a boarding school campus and “would never…..”

Go visit a bunch, find the right fit, and make the right decision for your child and your family. Ignore the haters. We all loved boarding school in my family. Best decision ever made.

well at my ex -DH's school the kids had sex with their teachers. This is his first hand experience. So glad you had a great experience but it's a hell no from me when it comes to my kids.

Yeah, having done child abuse law, I think boarding schools (including super prestigious ones) are rife with abuse and attract abusers. The environment makes it harder for parents to detect and prevent abuse, and the abusers capitalize on that.

[Anonymous]

Didnt Epstein get his start at one. We need to stop glorifying these monsters. Tax the rich! They need to join the tax paying workers in order to respect this country and stop looting it.

[Anonymous]

I took the bus more than an hour each wayand so so my kids (different city). I'd make sure you don't want them commuting. Alternatively a week day boarder who comes home in the weekend may not be that different than how much you would see your kid during the day

[Anonymous]

I taught recently at a small second- or third-tier boarding school in the northeast (think Suffield or Berkshire, not Andover or Lawrenceville). Here are some of my observations:

-The teachers were EXHAUSTED. In addition to teaching full loads of classes, we were coaching, tutoring, staying up late for dorm duty and activity duty, driving teams to away games, etc. Faculty morale was perpetually low and there was a ton of turnover. Students were constantly losing their advisors and mentors, which was sad to see and to be part of.

-The academics weren't stellar. We simply didn't have the time or energy to teach our subjects as well as we would have liked. Many new teachers were just out of college (some hadn't even majored in the subjects they were teaching). There was a wide range of ability and preparedness among the students, especially the ones who'd been recruited for sports. College outcomes were no better than I'd expect from a mid-to-good public school. Overall, the school valued athletics above academics, and artsy, nerdy kids often felt left out.

-I had some absolutely wonderful students. I also had some poorly behaved students who'd been dumped at the school by their negligent parents. The administration was reluctant to discipline the kids for classroom behavior or academic dishonesty. (No, this was not a therapeutic boarding school or "troubled teen" facility.)

-On the question of child abuse, though, I really don't think boarding schools are worse than day schools. I'd say the risk might even be lower at boarding schools, since the adults have relatively little privacy or time to themselves. If I were an abuser, I'd choose an environment with less oversight. (Epstein taught at Dalton, a day school.)

Again, these were my personal experiences at a not-super-prestigious boarding school. Every boarding school is different, though, and some kids really do benefit academically and emotionally from the boarding environment. It's just important to know your child and ask the right questions of the school.

[Anonymous]

I think it can be the right place for an organized, motivated kid who really wants to be there. It also can be the right place for a kid who needs to get away from a chaotic home life and who is smart enough to handle the work.

I was the latter and was a day student at a top boarding school in the Northeast. I begged my parents to let me board although I could never be honest about why, which is that I wanted so much to get away from them. We were not an outwardly dysfunctional family but it was so unhealthy in that house, including that my dad was an alcoholic and my parents fought all the time about things like driving me to and from school and activities. Even though I had undiagnosed ADHD that made the rigor of the school challenging, I was bright, and I think that removing the distractions and stress of my home would have outweighed the risks of the added independence at school. I would have at least have had some peace.

Overall though, barring dysfunction, I think your kid really needs to want it. It's an unusual life at boarding school. But it can be a wonderful experience. Even though I did not board, I was there morning to night by senior year, and I felt so much more of a connection to that place than I ever did with my college.

[Anonymous]

After one year at a boarding school my kid reported feeling seen and understood in a way that never happened in previous schools. Some kids are ready in 9th grade. Some kids benefit from reclassing for 11th grade. Some kids even benefit from the (not uncommon in New England) post graduate year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I taught recently at a small second- or third-tier boarding school in the northeast (think Suffield or Berkshire, not Andover or Lawrenceville). Here are some of my observations:

-The teachers were EXHAUSTED. In addition to teaching full loads of classes, we were coaching, tutoring, staying up late for dorm duty and activity duty, driving teams to away games, etc. Faculty morale was perpetually low and there was a ton of turnover. Students were constantly losing their advisors and mentors, which was sad to see and to be part of.

-The academics weren't stellar. We simply didn't have the time or energy to teach our subjects as well as we would have liked. Many new teachers were just out of college (some hadn't even majored in the subjects they were teaching). There was a wide range of ability and preparedness among the students, especially the ones who'd been recruited for sports. College outcomes were no better than I'd expect from a mid-to-good public school. Overall, the school valued athletics above academics, and artsy, nerdy kids often felt left out.

-I had some absolutely wonderful students. I also had some poorly behaved students who'd been dumped at the school by their negligent parents. The administration was reluctant to discipline the kids for classroom behavior or academic dishonesty. (No, this was not a therapeutic boarding school or "troubled teen" facility.)

-On the question of child abuse, though, I really don't think boarding schools are worse than day schools. I'd say the risk might even be lower at boarding schools, since the adults have relatively little privacy or time to themselves. If I were an abuser, I'd choose an environment with less oversight. (Epstein taught at Dalton, a day school.)

Again, these were my personal experiences at a not-super-prestigious boarding school. Every boarding school is different, though, and some kids really do benefit academically and emotionally from the boarding environment. It's just important to know your child and ask the right questions of the school.

Just a parent scrolling through, but I had a friend teach at McDonogh and her reasons for leaving/experiences sounded like they very much align with your own...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I taught recently at a small second- or third-tier boarding school in the northeast (think Suffield or Berkshire, not Andover or Lawrenceville). Here are some of my observations:

-The teachers were EXHAUSTED. In addition to teaching full loads of classes, we were coaching, tutoring, staying up late for dorm duty and activity duty, driving teams to away games, etc. Faculty morale was perpetually low and there was a ton of turnover. Students were constantly losing their advisors and mentors, which was sad to see and to be part of.

-The academics weren't stellar. We simply didn't have the time or energy to teach our subjects as well as we would have liked. Many new teachers were just out of college (some hadn't even majored in the subjects they were teaching). There was a wide range of ability and preparedness among the students, especially the ones who'd been recruited for sports. College outcomes were no better than I'd expect from a mid-to-good public school. Overall, the school valued athletics above academics, and artsy, nerdy kids often felt left out.

-I had some absolutely wonderful students. I also had some poorly behaved students who'd been dumped at the school by their negligent parents. The administration was reluctant to discipline the kids for classroom behavior or academic dishonesty. (No, this was not a therapeutic boarding school or "troubled teen" facility.)

-On the question of child abuse, though, I really don't think boarding schools are worse than day schools. I'd say the risk might even be lower at boarding schools, since the adults have relatively little privacy or time to themselves. If I were an abuser, I'd choose an environment with less oversight. (Epstein taught at Dalton, a day school.)

Again, these were my personal experiences at a not-super-prestigious boarding school. Every boarding school is different, though, and some kids really do benefit academically and emotionally from the boarding environment. It's just important to know your child and ask the right questions of the school.

I invite you to take a look at St. Paul's, which is a case study.

[bluehydr@ngea]

I know about the situation at St. Paul's, and it was indeed horrific. But what about all the elite day schools that have had similar scandals, like St. Ann's, Horace Mann, and Poly Prep in NYC alone? Also, if I remember correctly, many of the St. Paul's abusers were students, not teachers.

For me, public vs. private is a more meaningful distinction than boarding vs. day. Private schools have more leeway in the people they hire; I doubt Winston Nguyen would have found a job at a public school with his criminal record, but St. Ann's was happy to have him.

[Anonymous]

bluehydr@ngea wrote:I know about the situation at St. Paul's, and it was indeed horrific. But what about all the elite day schools that have had similar scandals, like St. Ann's, Horace Mann, and Poly Prep in NYC alone? Also, if I remember correctly, many of the St. Paul's abusers were students, not teachers.

For me, public vs. private is a more meaningful distinction than boarding vs. day. Private schools have more leeway in the people they hire; I doubt Winston Nguyen would have found a job at a public school with his criminal record, but St. Ann's was happy to have him.

Hard disagree, there have been many abusers in the public schools as well. It is hard to find good teachers at the rate which we need them. No system is immune...