Flirting VS Being Nice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you 13? Have you really reached adulthood without managing to figure this out?

I'm not the only one because myself, and different friends I've spoke to have different opinions. I think a lot of it is subjective.

How many different opinions can there be? Most people don't want to sleep with you. Does that help?

I had a woman I ordered a cake from the other day who was overly enthusiastic and nice and kept wanting to talk. You think she wanted to hop into bed with me? I doubt it.

Funny, I also had a long conversation with a woman who sold me cake. I didn't ask her out because I don't see a long term future for us, even though short term could be amazing, and I really like that bakery. She kept asking if I had weekend plans. I'm pretty sure she was open to going on a date.

[Anonymous]

In my younger days, I used to get kind of irritated at the idea of people flirting without at least a possibility of it leading to sex or romance of some sort. It struck me as dishonest and misleading.

In retrospect, I think that had to do with my sense that finding a romantic partner was such an uphill battle. Navigating the right path was hard enough without people sprinkling false trails around the countryside.

I've been married a long time now, so my feelings on the subject have mellowed a lot. It's just a way of people to play. But, I wouldn't flirt with anyone but my wife. Feels like cheating.

I am friendly & nice though. But it's in a way that's devoid of any sexual energy. I've never had anyone misunderstand my intentions and try to escalate. For a guy, at least, I think it's easy to be nice in a way that nobody confuses with flirting.

[Anonymous]

Unless the person is overt it can be hard to tell. Plus unless you always assume someone who talks to you is flirting and follow up by directly asking them out or if they are flirting, how could you tell?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know about you, but if I am speaking to someone of the opposite sex & they mention that they have a spouse or significant other, I usually take that as a direct sign they are not flirting w/me.

Does anyone else??

Are you single? I never take any man talking to me as flirting because I'm married and therefore I'm not interested. As a result, I don't take anything as "a sign."

I talked to a man last night for an hour on the phone. We had been talking on large group calls on a work project (we work for different firms on different sides of a transaction) and he emailed me asking if I had a minute for a follow-up question. I called him and we discussed the issue and then we discussed our jobs, our spouses, the current administration, etc. It would have been a pleasant date discussion I suppose but there was no "flirting," it was just a nice conversation with a person of the opposite sex. We have a lot in common and enjoyed sharing those things, that's it.

I wonder about the human interactions many of you have on a regular basis if you take every conversation with someone as them flirting with you.

I’m married too, but I can tell if someone is flirting with me vs talking.
Like, I will talk with my co-workers about work, but if we all go out to a happy hour or something, there might be a little flirting. No one thinks it’s going to go anywhere, but it’s different.

I'm the PP - maybe it depends on how flirting is defined. To me, it's a way of talking with an end game in mind. In that respect, I'm not flirting with anyone except my husband because I'm not trying to sleep with anyone except my husband. I am silly and funny and affectionate and sarcastic with my male friends and if we were single, I could see how one could describe it as flirty, but I'm not and they're not so I don't see it that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know about you, but if I am speaking to someone of the opposite sex & they mention that they have a spouse or significant other, I usually take that as a direct sign they are not flirting w/me.

Does anyone else??

Are you single? I never take any man talking to me as flirting because I'm married and therefore I'm not interested. As a result, I don't take anything as "a sign."

I talked to a man last night for an hour on the phone. We had been talking on large group calls on a work project (we work for different firms on different sides of a transaction) and he emailed me asking if I had a minute for a follow-up question. I called him and we discussed the issue and then we discussed our jobs, our spouses, the current administration, etc. It would have been a pleasant date discussion I suppose but there was no "flirting," it was just a nice conversation with a person of the opposite sex. We have a lot in common and enjoyed sharing those things, that's it.

I wonder about the human interactions many of you have on a regular basis if you take every conversation with someone as them flirting with you.

Okay. I wouldn’t want a first date or any date to feel like making small talk with a work colleague.
Either you are downplaying this conversation and you were flirting, or you are one of those people who NEVER flirts with anyone, even your significant other.

I mean, I can't get him to join in on this conversation but I'll say this - I didn't say anything I wouldn't have said had our spouses been on the phone. So to me, that's not flirting. I also don't treat my male friends (including my friends' husbands) in a way that I think would be weird if my husband or friend were there, which they often are. And I absolutely do flirt with my husband. We may be 45 but we're not dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you 13? Have you really reached adulthood without managing to figure this out?

I'm not the only one because myself, and different friends I've spoke to have different opinions. I think a lot of it is subjective.

How many different opinions can there be? Most people don't want to sleep with you. Does that help?

I had a woman I ordered a cake from the other day who was overly enthusiastic and nice and kept wanting to talk. You think she wanted to hop into bed with me? I doubt it.

Funny, I also had a long conversation with a woman who sold me cake. I didn't ask her out because I don't see a long term future for us, even though short term could be amazing, and I really like that bakery. She kept asking if I had weekend plans. I'm pretty sure she was open to going on a date.

Ok but it sounds like you're single? I'm not and was buying the cake for my spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know about you, but if I am speaking to someone of the opposite sex & they mention that they have a spouse or significant other, I usually take that as a direct sign they are not flirting w/me.

Does anyone else??

Are you single? I never take any man talking to me as flirting because I'm married and therefore I'm not interested. As a result, I don't take anything as "a sign."

I talked to a man last night for an hour on the phone. We had been talking on large group calls on a work project (we work for different firms on different sides of a transaction) and he emailed me asking if I had a minute for a follow-up question. I called him and we discussed the issue and then we discussed our jobs, our spouses, the current administration, etc. It would have been a pleasant date discussion I suppose but there was no "flirting," it was just a nice conversation with a person of the opposite sex. We have a lot in common and enjoyed sharing those things, that's it.

I wonder about the human interactions many of you have on a regular basis if you take every conversation with someone as them flirting with you.

Okay. I wouldn’t want a first date or any date to feel like making small talk with a work colleague.
Either you are downplaying this conversation and you were flirting, or you are one of those people who NEVER flirts with anyone, even your significant other.

I mean, I can't get him to join in on this conversation but I'll say this - I didn't say anything I wouldn't have said had our spouses been on the phone. So to me, that's not flirting. I also don't treat my male friends (including my friends' husbands) in a way that I think would be weird if my husband or friend were there, which they often are. And I absolutely do flirt with my husband. We may be 45 but we're not dead.

Ha!
Then I don’t believe that this telephone conversation, where you clearly weren’t interested in sleeping with each other, was anything like your first date with your husband

[Anonymous]

This is all in your head, op.

[Anonymous]

Some people are just charming and extroverted. It doesn't mean they want to drop everything and start a new life with you. A pleasant and funny encounter with good banter is just something that puts a little spring in their step. And it will happen with someone else tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you 13? Have you really reached adulthood without managing to figure this out?

I'm not the only one because myself, and different friends I've spoke to have different opinions. I think a lot of it is subjective.

How many different opinions can there be? Most people don't want to sleep with you. Does that help?

I had a woman I ordered a cake from the other day who was overly enthusiastic and nice and kept wanting to talk. You think she wanted to hop into bed with me? I doubt it.

Funny, I also had a long conversation with a woman who sold me cake. I didn't ask her out because I don't see a long term future for us, even though short term could be amazing, and I really like that bakery. She kept asking if I had weekend plans. I'm pretty sure she was open to going on a date.

I get asked about my evening or weekend plans by almost every cashier from grocery stores to The Paper Place to the makeup counters at Nordstrom. Its just a customer service thing I guess but I hate it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people are just charming and extroverted. It doesn't mean they want to drop everything and start a new life with you. A pleasant and funny encounter with good banter is just something that puts a little spring in their step. And it will happen with someone else tomorrow.

Definitions vary, but flirting has to be something more than pleasant, funny, banter. I exchange funny banter with my buddies all the time. It's pleasant, but it's not flirting. It might not be overt, but before it's flirting, there has to be at least the hint of sex buried in there somewhere.

[Anonymous]

I’m a married male who works out a lot.

Going to the gym regularly I see the same males and females there all the time.

Over the years I have made small talk with other males (spotting them or whatever). Even will say hi now and again.

Females nada. Even though I have seen them for 10 years or so and have been impress by their progress, outfits or whatever I still
Mind my own business. I seriously doubt they care I think their outfit looks good or that they’re in shape or whatever.