How to transition to spending more money

[Anonymous]

We have a hard time spending too. I’m trying to ease up on certain things - like upgrading a hotel room or even getting two rooms that fit two adults/two teens better. Breaking lifetime habits is not easy.

DH tells me to chill out and that we have enough money not to sweat it and then turns around and replaces the flooring in the basement along with doing the drywall by himself to save money.

We’re not rich. I don’t know how to calculate net worth. Maybe 4 million? But that’s not what we work off of day to day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a hard time spending too. I’m trying to ease up on certain things - like upgrading a hotel room or even getting two rooms that fit two adults/two teens better. Breaking lifetime habits is not easy.

DH tells me to chill out and that we have enough money not to sweat it and then turns around and replaces the flooring in the basement along with doing the drywall by himself to save money.

We’re not rich. I don’t know how to calculate net worth. Maybe 4 million? But that’s not what we work off of day to day.

Net worth is all of your assets minus all of your liabilities. Put more simply, it’s the value of everything you own (savings, retirement accounts, value of your house if you sold today) minus everything you owe (student loans, what you owe in your house, car loans, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a hard time spending too. I’m trying to ease up on certain things - like upgrading a hotel room or even getting two rooms that fit two adults/two teens better. Breaking lifetime habits is not easy.

DH tells me to chill out and that we have enough money not to sweat it and then turns around and replaces the flooring in the basement along with doing the drywall by himself to save money.

We’re not rich. I don’t know how to calculate net worth. Maybe 4 million? But that’s not what we work off of day to day.

you are rich

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a hard time spending too. I’m trying to ease up on certain things - like upgrading a hotel room or even getting two rooms that fit two adults/two teens better. Breaking lifetime habits is not easy.

DH tells me to chill out and that we have enough money not to sweat it and then turns around and replaces the flooring in the basement along with doing the drywall by himself to save money.

We’re not rich. I don’t know how to calculate net worth. Maybe 4 million? But that’s not what we work off of day to day.

Net worth is all of your assets minus all of your liabilities. Put more simply, it’s the value of everything you own (savings, retirement accounts, value of your house if you sold today) minus everything you owe (student loans, what you owe in your house, car loans, etc).

Thanks. Then my assumption was correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a hard time spending too. I’m trying to ease up on certain things - like upgrading a hotel room or even getting two rooms that fit two adults/two teens better. Breaking lifetime habits is not easy.

DH tells me to chill out and that we have enough money not to sweat it and then turns around and replaces the flooring in the basement along with doing the drywall by himself to save money.

We’re not rich. I don’t know how to calculate net worth. Maybe 4 million? But that’s not what we work off of day to day.

you are rich

It doesn’t feel like it. Maybe that’s the point of OP’s post.

We shop at Aldi. We drive old cars. We don’t have house cleaners. We don’t door dash or go to Starbucks. We fly economy. I shop at consignment stores and goodwill. I do the latter more for environmental reasons than financial reasons. DH freaks out if we pay ANY credit card interest.

***
Yeah, I just read what I wrote. This is OP’s point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a hard time spending too. I’m trying to ease up on certain things - like upgrading a hotel room or even getting two rooms that fit two adults/two teens better. Breaking lifetime habits is not easy.

DH tells me to chill out and that we have enough money not to sweat it and then turns around and replaces the flooring in the basement along with doing the drywall by himself to save money.

We’re not rich. I don’t know how to calculate net worth. Maybe 4 million? But that’s not what we work off of day to day.

you are rich

It doesn’t feel like it. Maybe that’s the point of OP’s post.

We shop at Aldi. We drive old cars. We don’t have house cleaners. We don’t door dash or go to Starbucks. We fly economy. I shop at consignment stores and goodwill. I do the latter more for environmental reasons than financial reasons. DH freaks out if we pay ANY credit card interest.

***
Yeah, I just read what I wrote. This is OP’s point.

Are your cards not on auto pay?. I don't understand how you're ever paying interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a hard time spending too. I’m trying to ease up on certain things - like upgrading a hotel room or even getting two rooms that fit two adults/two teens better. Breaking lifetime habits is not easy.

DH tells me to chill out and that we have enough money not to sweat it and then turns around and replaces the flooring in the basement along with doing the drywall by himself to save money.

We’re not rich. I don’t know how to calculate net worth. Maybe 4 million? But that’s not what we work off of day to day.

you are rich

It doesn’t feel like it. Maybe that’s the point of OP’s post.

We shop at Aldi. We drive old cars. We don’t have house cleaners. We don’t door dash or go to Starbucks. We fly economy. I shop at consignment stores and goodwill. I do the latter more for environmental reasons than financial reasons. DH freaks out if we pay ANY credit card interest.

***
Yeah, I just read what I wrote. This is OP’s point.

Are your cards not on auto pay?. I don't understand how you're ever paying interest.

We haven’t paid any interest in years and years. But DH won’t even let the monthly autopay take care of it. He zeros it out every week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's hard if frugality is deeply ingrained. I have a hard time spending money as well; I think I'm going to read that Die With Zero book to inspire me.

NP. This is the book that changed my life. I have always been frugal and a diligent saver. Always subscribed to "pay yourself first" and the more money I made, the more pressure I felt to save. I read that book two years ago and it drastically improved my life. I still save, but I spend now like never before. After years of doing no home improvements, not traveling much, and living far below our means, I have loosened up. Things I have done:

- Hired a personal chef. As two working parents, meals were a constant stressor. Every day it felt like I was calling my spouse to ask "What are we doing for dinner? Are we picking something up? Are you cooking?" Now we have a chef come once a week and prepare fresh cut fruit, vegetables, breakfasts, lunches for school/work and three dinners. She charges $500/day + the cost of groceries (about $400/week) so it comes to close to $4k/mo but it's been worth it to have this help, especially while our kids are still under our roof.

- Renovated kitchen and hired interior designer. Cost about $350k. Worth it to feel elated in the beauty of our home - definitely increased happiness more than looking at an extra $350k in our brokerage account.

- Took more trips and bigger trips. Splurge on first class experiences.

Die With Zero talks about spending money at the right time in your life. For us, now in our 40s with kids ranging from elementary to high school, it feels like these are our huge spending years, where money can make the most impact. Having nutritious food readily available, having a beautiful home for our family and making memories with our children as they grow up is worth the cost. I really deprived ourselves of this in favor of aggressive savings for a very long time.

What made me feel better about this is continuously updating our financial plan, showing what the financial future looks like based on keeping our savings rate the same (maxing out retirement plans, contributing a set amount to our brokerage account each month) rather than feeling compelled to keep saving more and more as our income climbs. For the first time, we are instead choosing to increase our standard of living rather than our savings rate and it's been a lot of fun.

How did you spend $350K on kitchen renovations and interior design alone? I've done a high end renovation of a 3.5K sq ft home (everything except windows replaced) and spent about $750K (and I have subzero in the kitchen and tons of cabinets)

But if you have it, spend it and enjoy

Kitchen was around $200k (knocked out a wall and doors, built bench eating, put in paneled/beamed ceilings, new windows, high end cabinets and counters). All new furniture for first floor. New front door, new floors, woodwork on the walls.

Ahh, so much more than just a new kitchen. But I guess very high end cabinets can cost a lot as well. (personally went with good cabinets, but at a certain point wasn't willing to pay for the next level which would have been another $50-60K for our house just for the cabinets)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have a hard time spending too. I’m trying to ease up on certain things - like upgrading a hotel room or even getting two rooms that fit two adults/two teens better. Breaking lifetime habits is not easy.

DH tells me to chill out and that we have enough money not to sweat it and then turns around and replaces the flooring in the basement along with doing the drywall by himself to save money.

We’re not rich. I don’t know how to calculate net worth. Maybe 4 million? But that’s not what we work off of day to day.

you are rich

They are well off, but if that $4M includes paying for college, you can subtract $300-400K for just instate for each kid. If one or both wants/needs graduate programs/professional school, add in a bit more. So for those of us who value education, if I have a kid who wants to be a doctor/lawyer/etc, I'm figuring $400-500K per kid for undergrad and professional school ($50K/year for undergrad is reasonable now).

So yeah if you can refloor and drywall yourself and you enjoy it (don't hate it), why wouldnt' you do it right and save $10-15K easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised very frugally, and it's been breaking some of those small frugal habits that have been the biggest change. For example, I live in the city and don't blink at paying for parking like I would when I was broke in my 20s/30s.

I also grocery shopped exclusively from the sales and meal planned based on what was on sale. I still buy mostly sale items, and will buy marked down meat to freeze, but won't pass something up if we want it and it's not on sale.

I think upgrading and modernizing is a good way to be more intentional. We live in an old house with terrible water pressure - but guess what, replacing the showerhead showed maybe you should change it before 25 years. Upgrading TVs, furnitiure, rugs, etc to have. a home that's comfortable can make such a difference. When's the last time you bought new towels, or even bathrugs - just something new and fresh.

I am so similar to you, PP, and really appreciate this post. I will be buying nice new towels this weekend!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Opt for private college if your kid is interested and gets in.

Agree on the nicer vacations. My eyes were opened recently when I realized several of my older relatives fly first class overseas, which is easily $10k roundtrip to their native country.


I’d get house cleaning

Such a stupid suggestion. Some private colleges are good. Others aren't.

[Anonymous]

Fly business class on overnight flights!

[Anonymous]

Somehow I bet the op already has college money saved if they’re looking for ways to spend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somehow I bet the op already has college money saved if they’re looking for ways to spend.

OP here yes. We nearly have enough for retirement in our 40’s except DH is making a lot more than he used to and has no plans whatsoever to retire for at least another 10 years, maybe more. So the amount we already have invested will likely double in the time, plus we will keep adding at an accelerated rate.

These are all great ideas. We recently added cleaners. I’m torn on how much I want to renovate our current house (which needs it) or just find a new house once youngest goes to college in a couple years. But yes a home upgrade of some sort would be nice. I’d maybe like to buy myself nicer clothes but I don’t even know where to start and I still have such sticker shock. I think that’s my issue - I’d like the sticker shock on every thing to ease up a bit!

[Anonymous]

Higher quality items that last longer. Nicer vacations. Outsource things you do not like.

Please support organizations that do good work. We don’t have a ton of disposable income at the moment (teens heading to college and we got a late start in really saving) but at our hhi (350k) we definitely have enough to support public radio, higher memberships for various museums, donate to local community organizations, etc. and if your income really rises you may. Wish to look into a donor advised fund as well.