how soon after someone has lost their spouse do men typically start dating?

[Anonymous]

My mom died 35 years ago. My dad was 40.

He never dated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my dad after my mom died (wife of almost 40 years) - 6 weeks. I am not saying it’s advisable.

This. My best friend in middle school lost her mom to cancer, and dad started dating almost immediately. It really, really, REALLY messed her up.

If the guy has kids, stay far away. Even if they're grown, they are going to hate you.

Your last sentence is a generalization. And it’s not always true.

It is very common for men who enjoyed being married to move on quickly, even if they loved their wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it a long illness or an unexpected death?

There's no realistic timetable given different circumstances.

In a long illness, the grieving process is already taking place. In some ways, a zombie marriage is also like that, where you are technically married but "only for the kids", so even a sudden death would not imply an overly long grieving process. In that case you grieve for the person and the parent that they are, but not for the marriage itself.

A sudden death in a loving marriage is something that might take years (or never) to move past.

That was precisely my point. If the wife had been ailing for a long time then it wouldn’t be any surprise if the surviving spouse moved on quickly. Nothing icky there.

[Anonymous]

Stay in the background and make it official after one year anniversary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What should I say in the text to him? I have been divorced since 2022. Our kids were all at the same school as well. All in college now. We did not run in the same circle while our kids were in school.

He texted you? Did he ask you out? I would set him straight that it is too early to date. Eew.

I took that as her about to text him

[Anonymous]

My SIL met her husband at his first wife’s funeral. Not a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a mutual friend who told me that their male friend lost his wife over the summer and they think we would be a good match? I feel like it’s way too soon for him. It hasn’t even been a year that his wife has been gone? Thoughts? I mean, I’m happy to do dinner or catch a movie or go sightseeing if he just needs a companion, but I feel like it’s way too early for him to start dating.

I would meet him and let him know you want to keep it casual

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was it a long illness or an unexpected death?

this

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine's wife died young with two young children and from her hospital bed she urged him to pursue one of her friends, who she thought would make a great mom to their girls.

They've been together at least 20 years by now and have seen their daughters graduate from great schools and move on to successful careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a mutual friend who told me that their male friend lost his wife over the summer and they think we would be a good match? I feel like it’s way too soon for him. It hasn’t even been a year that his wife has been gone? Thoughts? I mean, I’m happy to do dinner or catch a movie or go sightseeing if he just needs a companion, but I feel like it’s way too early for him to start dating.

Do casual stuff with him. See how it goes. Have dinner, see a movie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For my dad after my mom died (wife of almost 40 years) - 6 weeks. I am not saying it’s advisable.

This. My best friend in middle school lost her mom to cancer, and dad started dating almost immediately. It really, really, REALLY messed her up.

If the guy has kids, stay far away. Even if they're grown, they are going to hate you.

Your last sentence is a generalization. And it’s not always true.

It is very common for men who enjoyed being married to move on quickly, even if they loved their wives.

DP. But it IS often true that the kids will resent the father moving on within weeks or months of their mother's death. Especially if the kids are in high school or younger. And those kids will be grieving will their dad is putting energy into a new relationship.

The issue here to me is that OP refuses to tell us if there are kids and how old they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom died 35 years ago. My dad was 40.

He never dated.

Of course, don't know him but maybe being married to her was enough in terms of a relationship. Perhaps he just didn't see any advantageous to putting himself out there. Nothing wrong with that if he led a productive, full life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They get scooped up quickly, OP. Why not try one date?

It’s not that they get scooped up, they go looking quickly. Men can’t be alone.

This. They need someone to cook for them and do their laundry. A lot of men have been babied so long by their wives that they are no longer functionally independent.

I can do laundry and have done 95% of the cooking in our 42 year marriage. A man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Often before she dies.

Men are terrible at being alone.

[Anonymous]

My dad was 42 when my mom died after a 3-year illness. He started dating after maybe a year and remarried a few years later. (That marriage was a mistake.) I feel like you probably don't want to be the first woman he dates - you'll end up having to shoulder all his trauma and then he'll heal and probably move on with someone else. It's similar to dating a guy after a divorce, which didn't go well for me.