Haven’t seen where she lives

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m not a hobosexual. I once dated a woman who insisted she needed to keep place a secret for a while due to a past stalker. it felt weird to be having sex with someone who didn’t trust me with their address but I continued with this for 7 months. It turned out she was married and I was heartbroken. I don’t want that again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m not a hobosexual. I once dated a woman who insisted she needed to keep place a secret for a while due to a past stalker. it felt weird to be having sex with someone who didn’t trust me with their address but I continued with this for 7 months. It turned out she was married and I was heartbroken. I don’t want that again.

The only to not go through this again is to ask her. Why don’t you ask her? Is she intimidating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She doesn’t have kids and has never been married that I know of. She has a good job and lives in a nice suburb so don’t think she’s poor.

Once we were discussing what to do for our next date and she was saying she’s tired and I offered to stop by her place instead of going out if she wanted, she declined.

It’s been 2.5 months. She finally accepted an invitation to my place recently. Thank goodness. But I’d still like to see hers. What’s the best way to bring this up?

2.5 months is not a lot of time. If it's more like 3-4 and definitely by 6 months or more you'd be right to worry.

[Anonymous]

Do you know this person's real name? Does her address come up on Google? You can look at the property on Google streetview. And you can find out if it was last sold recently.

A quick Google will also give you the names of people closely associated for free. The sites that do this seem to put some fake names in with the other. However, it's pretty easy to find the names of spouses/ex-spouses, parents, and adult children without even paying an info fee.

I've always wondered why my neighbor of 20+ years got divorced and moved to our neighborhood. Her ex died recently. From just the published obituary, I was able to figure out some things.

My data's exposed, your data's exposed. Everyone knows there is tons of stuff out there. I understand, OP, that you don't want to appear stalker-ish and I applaud that. But there's nothing wrong with looking up openly available information and connecting the dots.

A lot of the name associations seem to come through co-signing loans (school, mortgage, car). Divorced people have new and former spouses in their records.

[Anonymous]

Just search online

[Anonymous]

I dated my BF long distance for a few months before I saw his house. We usually met in the middle. He is just one notch below hoarder. It was alarming. He got self conscious after I spent a couple of nights there and never had me over again. We went back to meeting in the middle or him staying with me.

Maybe she's ashamed of her place?

[Anonymous]

“Hey, would love to see your place sometime.” Done. She doesn’t let you see in next month without valid reason, keep it moving and end it.

[Anonymous]

She just sounds like she wants to move very, very slowly, since she wouldn't go to your place either after quite a while. She's not going to speed up, so just take it at face value for now.

(I do usually think someone is hiding something: they're embarrassed about where thet live for whatever reason, married or living with someone, hoarder.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These comments are crazy. My house is more than $1 million. I have daughters. I don’t want men knowing where I live. I would have to be very serious to do that. I won’t remarry so I don’t see being okay with having a man in my space unless it was more than a year.

This. My experience in life is such that I want to keep my private space safe. I’m not going to let you in until I ‘m sure about my safety with you. And if you’re the kind of guy that is pushing the timeline on that, telling me I’m being unreasonable about protecting my space, pushing me to do it because you did it, or saying that you are trustworthy (instead of earning trust through behavior), then I’m going to break up with you because you’re showing that your feelings are more important than my safety.

[Anonymous]

I don't want men knowing where I live for the first few months. A year is overkill. I did go out with a guy who was super pushy about having him over and lo and behold, he was an ahole. I should've known.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you being so pushy? Are you a hobosexual?

I've never heard this term. It is such a good one that I should have, lol. Assuming you mean men who want to move in with women to have somewhere to live. Or who just want to hang out at a nicer place than their own, so use women for that. Lol, this kind of person definitely exists.

Hobosexual is anyone who moves in with a dating partner and doesn't pay their own way. Women using men, men using women, women using women, men using men. Any variation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These comments are crazy. My house is more than $1 million. I have daughters. I don’t want men knowing where I live. I would have to be very serious to do that. I won’t remarry so I don’t see being okay with having a man in my space unless it was more than a year.

This. My experience in life is such that I want to keep my private space safe. I’m not going to let you in until I ‘m sure about my safety with you. And if you’re the kind of guy that is pushing the timeline on that, telling me I’m being unreasonable about protecting my space, pushing me to do it because you did it, or saying that you are trustworthy (instead of earning trust through behavior), then I’m going to break up with you because you’re showing that your feelings are more important than my safety.

Are you then willing to pay for hotels? Where do you hang out? It gets very expensive to have to be out somewhere all the time when you are dating long term. It is very normal to hang out at home, spend the night together, make meals together etc.

If you have trust and safety issues and can't have him over or go to his house then fine - but you need to then be responsible for alternatives.