Are play dates always with siblings?

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on how close you are with the family and if you do drop off. I have one kid and a friend who has 2 kids. She drops one off at a time- one is my kids age (3) and the other is older. The older one likes to take care of/baby my kid so its kinda like she is a mother's helper despite being 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC is an only child who would love to play one-on-one with some of their friends but it seems like other parents always expect the younger sibling to be included. We don’t mind including everyone most of the time but there also needs to be some solo time to develop a closer relationship as individuals. It’s sad when my DC expresses a desire to spend time with her peer but the little sibling always ends up dominating the whole play date and the other parents are practically offended if anyone asks to split the kids up once in a while. Is there a good way to approach this situation given the tender nerves of some parents or is this just the way it is with siblings?

It's good for your only child to experience sibling dynamics even in a second hand way. It will help develop her social skills much better than your attempts to curate inorganic 1 on 1 play. Otherwise, just make playdates with fellow onlies.

Absolutely ridiculous. Only children don’t need to experience sibling dynamics. They do need to learn social skills and can easily do that in school, social activities, extracurriculars and many other settings. But sending uninvited siblings on playdates is rude, period.

[Anonymous]

DC has some friends who always come over with a sibling and it bothers her that they don’t get alone time. I’ve said that if she wants to have Larla come over for a play date she should understand that Larla comes with her sibling and if DC isn’t in the mood to play with both of them she should invite a different friend over that day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What age?

9yo

I am beginning to think that my friends are being a little pushy since they have made it clear that their kids come as a pair or else they will be offended. It seems like that is not the norm.

Organize play dates for your child with his or her classmates. Your friends will probably be comfortable enough to bring both their kids. As other mentioned, you can’t control people’s houses so if your child goes there, there is chance siblings may be around. Also, doubt that if you invite a classmate that their parents will drop off a sibling at your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC has some friends who always come over with a sibling and it bothers her that they don’t get alone time. I’ve said that if she wants to have Larla come over for a play date she should understand that Larla comes with her sibling and if DC isn’t in the mood to play with both of them she should invite a different friend over that day.

That sucks for your kid. Why would you allow this to be the norm and penalize your own kid and their friendships vs having a conversation with the mom? I swear, some people in this area are so passive and secretly just seething and making their life difficult. If it is an invite to your home for one friend of one child, sure a little sibling may be present, but to actually be the parent to send over a sibling as well for a 9 year old play date? That is rude. It’s not great for your kid and it also is not good for the sending child. They can't have 1:1 friendships without a sibling going into tween years? That's messed up.

I have twins so we have navigated this in an adjacent way, but I have always treated them as individuals and never assumed an invite for one was an invite for both. Again, rude.

[Anonymous]

If siblings live at the house where the play date is happening, they are going to participate to at least some degree and we emphasize kindness.

Absolutely not the norm for siblings to be invited.

[Anonymous]

I think people have a single child think differently from people have more children. It’s ok and people can always decide whether to continue play dates, or find new friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think people have a single child think differently from people have more children. It’s ok and people can always decide whether to continue play dates, or find new friends.

I don’t think this is the case at all. We have an only. When she goes to play dates at friends homes there is no expectation that siblings won’t be there. Sometimes her friends parents don’t let the siblings play with the girls but that’s their call and certainly not anything to do with our DD. But when we invite a friend over, the expectation is that it’s a one on one at our house. Siblings are not included.

[Anonymous]

What? I have twin girls and I don't even expect them to do playdates together all the time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What age?

9yo

I am beginning to think that my friends are being a little pushy since they have made it clear that their kids come as a pair or else they will be offended. It seems like that is not the norm.

Yeah that’s weird. Some people are indeed like this but it is still weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not necessarily. But siblings live at houses so it’s a part of life that they’ll want to be included in their siblings play date.

Invite a play date over and just asked for the one kid. How old is your kid? You can say “feel free to drop Larla off if you want! Or you’re welcome to stay - whatever is easiest.”

Most of the time people won’t ask to bring a sibling unless they expect to stay at your house and don’t have anyone to watch the other child. Asking for a solo child playdate on a weekend (when both parents are usually around) and offering drop off are two ways around the issue.

+1 I have 2 kids and never bring a sibling on a dropoff playdate uninvited. I want my kid to have the 1:1 time with their peer friend too. We do other things with other families where it's all of us.

For younger kids (like preschool age, pre-dropoff) it's harder and often the sibling joins but this tends to be more like meeting up at the playground and parents are there.

Also if it's at my house, my younger will often join. I don't exclude the sib when they are home.

[Anonymous]

If you invite the parent to stay, they bring all the kids. If it’s drop off, they bring just the invited child. If they invite your child, the sibling will be there and that may be handled different ways. I usually try to do something separate with my youngest if my older one has a friend over but I know not all families do that. Your child can choose not to go to those houses.