Maybe it's a cultural disconnect

[Anonymous]

By assuming that all the pumpkins are rightfully yours, you are also assuming that the visiting (guest) child doesn't get to keep any pumpkins for him or herself. Does this seem right?

Faced with this sort of situation, most people would tell themselves, "Clearly, not all these pumpkins are for my. At least one, maybe more, is for the visiting child."

Also, on a scale of 1 to 10 of things to get worked up about, this seems at about .5. Now OP has to buy 1 more pumpkin, instead of having to buy 3 pumpkins before the "incident."

[Anonymous]

Definitely a cultural disconnect. Here in the U.S., we expect guests to come bearing a cornucopia of seasonal produce to gift the member of the family who issued the invitation. In the fall, pumpkins and festive gourds are preferable. Also, Indian corn should be strung around the neck of the hostess. If you really feel in the spirit, ask the entire family to cup their hands so you can pour apple cider into them.

But of course, you must take it all back when you leave. This can be quite difficult in summertime, when you perform this ritual with watermelons, cherries, and fresh peach juice. But American hospitality demands it.

[Anonymous]

a hetero bachelor

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here...
It reminds me of when my BIL came to thanksgiving dinner (he lives 15 miles away) bringing a completely frozen pie as dessert...of course he went home with it still frozen

Probably too much food left over at the host's house so he took it back home with him.

the dessert wasn't ready to be consumed....who brings a frozen dish to thanksgiving dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely a cultural disconnect. Here in the U.S., we expect guests to come bearing a cornucopia of seasonal produce to gift the member of the family who issued the invitation. In the fall, pumpkins and festive gourds are preferable. Also, Indian corn should be strung around the neck of the hostess. If you really feel in the spirit, ask the entire family to cup their hands so you can pour apple cider into them.

But of course, you must take it all back when you leave. This can be quite difficult in summertime, when you perform this ritual with watermelons, cherries, and fresh peach juice. But American hospitality demands it.

OP never told us the nationality of the visiting family. I'm guessing they weren't even American!

That said, there is enough blame to go around. We once attended a barbeque given by foreigners who were trying to fit into the US -- in the middle of February. There was snow, it was difficult to light the grill, and we all froze. But none of us Americans said anything.

[Anonymous]

It's a pumpkin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I agree that there is nothing wrong with what the child did, I do think nonAmericans of various backgrounds find the American habit of bringing things and then taking them back disconcerting. The whole concept of potluck dinners where you take a dish and then often take back what is uneaten is a strange one for a lot of nonAmericans. That said, I think the visiting child was being generous and OP should take it that way even if it is not the way it would be done in her home country.

I can imagine OP telling her friends back home about American customs and them marveling about it. She having to convince them that sometimes guests take back the gifts they bring without it being considered rude by either side. No way?!?! How can that be?!?! Are you kidding?!?!

[Anonymous]

Yes, just last week I gave some acquaintances a sterling silver bowl. Then I decided I wanted it after all, and took it back!

But seriously, besides the potlucks, how many instances are there of Americans taking back gifts? Potlucks are arguably an arrangement that's convenient for everyone.

And OP seems to mistakenly interpreted the pumpkins as a gift, which they apparently weren't. There's no indication the guests said, "here, have all our pumpkins, including our child's pumpkin," so at most they were guilty of not being clear that they meant for OP to have 2nut not 4 pumpkins. OP may be the sort of person who makes such discussions awkward.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps the guest/guest's parents were thinking in terms of families, not children? Two pumpkins per family to enjoy. Like another poster suggested, sounds like a communication gap rather than culturdl gap. Not sure of kids' ages, but perhaps they were supposed to communicate the arrangement.

Regardless, I think it's really sweet that the other family treated your family/child to two pumpkins!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely a cultural disconnect. Here in the U.S., we expect guests to come bearing a cornucopia of seasonal produce to gift the member of the family who issued the invitation. In the fall, pumpkins and festive gourds are preferable. Also, Indian corn should be strung around the neck of the hostess. If you really feel in the spirit, ask the entire family to cup their hands so you can pour apple cider into them.

But of course, you must take it all back when you leave. This can be quite difficult in summertime, when you perform this ritual with watermelons, cherries, and fresh peach juice. But American hospitality demands it.

Love you, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I agree that there is nothing wrong with what the child did, I do think nonAmericans of various backgrounds find the American habit of bringing things and then taking them back disconcerting. The whole concept of potluck dinners where you take a dish and then often take back what is uneaten is a strange one for a lot of nonAmericans. That said, I think the visiting child was being generous and OP should take it that way even if it is not the way it would be done in her home country.

You know, there's a lot of things in Europe that I found really strange too...like going over to my friend's house to sleep...and her mother asking me if I brought my sheets. But why the hell would I complain in someone else's country?

As a born and bred American I have never taken home uneaten food from someone's home. I supposed I may have taken home the dish I brought it in, to save the hosts the trouble of washing and returning it, but it doesn't come up much because in my circle of friends and family we rarely do potlucks. It would be ignorant to assume, though, that all other Americans have similar customs. The same way it is ignorant to assume that when someone of a different nationality does something strange, it has to do with their nationality or ethnicity. None of my friends in Germany and the UK have ever asked me to bring my own sheets.

There are wierd people in every culture and it's a slippery slope to start attributing all behaviors you don't like to some sort of "cultural disconnect." Believe it or not I even know some Jews who aren't cheap and some black people who don't like watermelon.

[Anonymous]

Just in time for Halloween. Here's an oldie but a goodie.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for digging it out, pp!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the guest came with 4 pumpkins and left with 2, don't you have 2 pumpkins still at your house? So it appears that they brought one pumpkin per kid, and that the kid who brought them (did the kids carve them?) left with his/her pumpkins?

Sounds to me like you've been here long enough. "cos". " WTH" long enough for slang, obviously.

the pumpkins weren't carved, and I have 3 kids...

Oh, that part's sad. Initially I thought each kid had a pumpkin and you were over reacting. What you describe sucks bc one child was left without.

Put them in the backyard or send them to school for the classroom; and have all three of your little ones head out for new ones that they can decorate together.

Let go of the cultural piece. Let go of the grudge you're forming. Just move on. Keep positive. If anything, it's a teachable moment for your kids.

[Anonymous]

You got 2 pumpkins - what else do you want?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Now I'm not US born, but I always thought a gift was a gift, and not a loaner....

Seems like you misunderstood which of the 4 pumpkins were gifts and which were not. No biggie.

Yeah, this.

On another note, you're miffed because they brought they brought the pumpkins, and then you're miffed because they left with two of the pumpkins you were miffed they brought in the first place? Where are you from, Cantmakeupyourmindistan?