Caring for a declining parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As hard as it is to watch, they can make their own choices and "own" the outcomes.

What you get to decide is how much energy you are going to spend trying to convince them to change their plan AND how much of yourself you will give to them.

Typically there is a catastrophic event that occurs that forces change - i.e. your dad falls and breaks a hip or your stepmom reaches a breaking point.

Until then you are unlikely to convince them of anything. It is super hard to watch.

+1

We had to wait for the event. Dad was majorly against moving to AL.

If older people set up their houses for aging in advance, that would help a lot. I decided not to take on guilt for their own choices. However, I did worry a lot and waited for the fall or major event that would precipitate moving to an AL. Horrible thing to do to your kids.

I’m far too young for AL but I live in a house with a bathroom and shower on the first floor. I could avoid stairs, if needed. My parents did not and that was an issue.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t worry about the DNR. When he starts to really decline, that will be revisited by his medical team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t worry about the DNR. When he starts to really decline, that will be revisited by his medical team.

Following up on this, I second the advice to look into palliative care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t worry about the DNR. When he starts to really decline, that will be revisited by his medical team.

Following up on this, I second the advice to look into palliative care.

OP here - how does one access this? Through his PCP or after a hospitalization?

[Anonymous]

OP here - how does one access this? Through his PCP or after a hospitalization?

We contacted a hospice provider directly and they did the evaluation. Not sure if palliative is different. She was accepted into hospice same day, we dropped many medications and focused on end of life comfort. She died in a few weeks after a fracture and advanced dementia. I was surprised the ER did not suggest hospice but maybe they were waiting for me to ask.