Do you audit your teen's phone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think “not my kid,” I am the cautionary tale.

We had all the talks with our very kind and introverted DS. Many times. At 16 yo, we thought he had decent common sense.

Never in a million years did I think that I would one day get a text with nude pics of him from a random number trying to blackmail him.

That is a very real and very scary thing that happened. I wish I had been spot checking his phone (and laptop) all along.

At the end of the day your children are just that. Children. And there are adults on the internet who basically have made a business of exploiting their naïveté.

If anyone thinks parents are “creepers” bc they want to mitigate risks to their children online, then you are also very naive.

This is good advice and nice of you to share, especially when so many people act like only “bad” kids or kids whose parents haven’t talked to them about internet safety can get into this type of situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Still wondering how parents think they are checking on their kids phones.

If you are just reading old text messages, you know they can delete individual messages right, and clean up a convo thread and delete pictures or hide the pics in a private folder you couldn't access or save the pics offline on a SD card or flash drive.

Ok, don’t worry about it. The entire world is your 12 year old’s oyster. Sounds like a solid plan. 12 year olds have great decision making skills and need no guidance ever.

Guidance is different from being a creeper.

Guidance is easier and more concrete with actual examples. “Don’t cyber bully” is generic. “Hey, I saw that your friend X was sharing a really unflattering picture of Y and people in the group chat were laughing about it. That’s not ok.” Is much more clear for a kid.

I don’t look at my 15 year old’s texts etc but she knows we could. I’m very open about the possibility. For my 12 year old, we talk about it openly. If she wants 100% privacy, she should get on the phone. I’m still parenting my kids and I’m not sure what your role is with yours re: phones except to pay for them. I imagine your kids are the ones texting mine at 2am on school nights. Anyway, whatever works for you.

+1 This. My teen is in a group chat with a bunch of neighborhood boy classmates and one of the boys (not my kid) was posting content that was homophobic and offensive to people with disabilities. We talked to our kid about that--why it was wrong, how it could hurt people's feelings and how my kid could also get into trouble by being part of the chat with that content circulating around, even if he wasn't the one sending it himself. My kid knows he has no expectation of privacy on his phone, and we've also discussed extensively that if we can see the content being shared, likely that may other people can too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think “not my kid,” I am the cautionary tale.

We had all the talks with our very kind and introverted DS. Many times. At 16 yo, we thought he had decent common sense.

Never in a million years did I think that I would one day get a text with nude pics of him from a random number trying to blackmail him.

That is a very real and very scary thing that happened. I wish I had been spot checking his phone (and laptop) all along.

At the end of the day your children are just that. Children. And there are adults on the internet who basically have made a business of exploiting their naïveté.

If anyone thinks parents are “creepers” bc they want to mitigate risks to their children online, then you are also very naive.

This is good advice and nice of you to share, especially when so many people act like only “bad” kids or kids whose parents haven’t talked to them about internet safety can get into this type of situation.

+1 My friend's 14-year-old was sending nearly nude photos to boys she liked. I would never have thought that respectful, sheltered kid would do something like that. If you aren't spot checking their phones, you'll have no idea what they may be engaging in.

[Anonymous]

I have the log ins to all my teens accounts. Snap, tt, insta on my phone. I can log on anytime and check.

Trust me - check. It’s crazy what teens do and say. So many parents are clueless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who think “not my kid,” I am the cautionary tale.

We had all the talks with our very kind and introverted DS. Many times. At 16 yo, we thought he had decent common sense.

Never in a million years did I think that I would one day get a text with nude pics of him from a random number trying to blackmail him.

That is a very real and very scary thing that happened. I wish I had been spot checking his phone (and laptop) all along.

At the end of the day your children are just that. Children. And there are adults on the internet who basically have made a business of exploiting their naïveté.

If anyone thinks parents are “creepers” bc they want to mitigate risks to their children online, then you are also very naive.

This is good advice and nice of you to share, especially when so many people act like only “bad” kids or kids whose parents haven’t talked to them about internet safety can get into this type of situation.

+1 My friend's 14-year-old was sending nearly nude photos to boys she liked. I would never have thought that respectful, sheltered kid would do something like that. If you aren't spot checking their phones, you'll have no idea what they may be engaging in.

84% of teens ages 12-16 have sent a provocative picture.

Even the good ones.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe there are parents that don't check their teen's social medias.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not really. I had a mom who listened in on phone conversations and read my diary (where I kept notes from friends) and it felt like such an invasion of privacy that I can’t allow myself to do the modern day equivalent to my children.

I have always told my kids, diaries and phone conversations and in person talks are private. Anything you write or take a picture of and send to someone else can go anywhere at anytime, even a delete immediately snap. So to me, that is VERY public and I will be checking as needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Still wondering how parents think they are checking on their kids phones.

If you are just reading old text messages, you know they can delete individual messages right, and clean up a convo thread and delete pictures or hide the pics in a private folder you couldn't access or save the pics offline on a SD card or flash drive.

Verizon can access all text messages, even deleted. I know this because my brother works in juvenile law enforcement and they can access anything they want when a family is looking at another teen and it goes to juvenile, which happens so much more than you think. Same with Snap and Insta. They will access anything for the police. It's crazy. My brother has had issues as young as 4th grade. Just last week a teen was arrested for having a lot of minor nude pictures stored in a calculator app. The amount of people that air drop pictures and videos in high school is so sad. Even the good and nerd kids know. Some of them are involved too.

For my own teen, their phone is attached to my Mac air - in an account for them and texts can be seen there if I wish. I created their snap with my email and they have the app on their phone but do not know the log-in. I also have the app on my phone and can log in at anytime, even if they are three states away or at a party, etc... That was the only way I would allow the app - and not delete immediately. They are my only rules. He knows what his uncle does and how serious it can be, so hopefully that keeps him on track. I rarely check, but Im not letting a minor have full access to these type of apps.

I have downtime and screen time and I block access to adding and deleting apps unless they ask. And phone is charged outside their room every night. Wifi turned off in our house from 11pm to 6am and no hotspot is allowed, so no burner phones can be used especially if they have their phone taken. And parents, teens can access apps on tv's and computers, so taking away a phone doesn't mean much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not really. I had a mom who listened in on phone conversations and read my diary (where I kept notes from friends) and it felt like such an invasion of privacy that I can’t allow myself to do the modern day equivalent to my children.

I have always told my kids, diaries and phone conversations and in person talks are private. Anything you write or take a picture of and send to someone else can go anywhere at anytime, even a delete immediately snap. So to me, that is VERY public and I will be checking as needed.

I agree with this. Texts aren’t private. Anyone’s parents could read, or teachers, or the whole internet. That goes for adults too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the log ins to all my teens accounts. Snap, tt, insta on my phone. I can log on anytime and check.

Trust me - check. It’s crazy what teens do and say. So many parents are clueless

It's practically impossible for you to know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not really. I had a mom who listened in on phone conversations and read my diary (where I kept notes from friends) and it felt like such an invasion of privacy that I can’t allow myself to do the modern day equivalent to my children.

I have always told my kids, diaries and phone conversations and in person talks are private. Anything you write or take a picture of and send to someone else can go anywhere at anytime, even a delete immediately snap. So to me, that is VERY public and I will be checking as needed.

Phone calls can be recorded by any party, and diaries can be stolen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not really. I had a mom who listened in on phone conversations and read my diary (where I kept notes from friends) and it felt like such an invasion of privacy that I can’t allow myself to do the modern day equivalent to my children.

I have always told my kids, diaries and phone conversations and in person talks are private. Anything you write or take a picture of and send to someone else can go anywhere at anytime, even a delete immediately snap. So to me, that is VERY public and I will be checking as needed.

This x1000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, semi regular check my 13-year-old's and she knows I can and probably am doing it. Have been pleasantly surprised by what I've seen there, going in to Halloween week there are several text threads about kids who don't have a group to be with and my DD and her friends inviting them in to their costume group and trick or treating plans.

Aw. That’s so sweet!

[Anonymous]

I did but my kid is a STEM guru and I didn't know he had written his own social media app that became fairly popular at his school.

I guess the upside is that app had no algorithms or advertising and was like a VIP app that one could only join through a direct invite approved by my kid (so, no randoms were on the app).

Their official SM and texts were all "sanitized", though he claims there was nothing of any real concern on the app.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have the log ins to all my teens accounts. Snap, tt, insta on my phone. I can log on anytime and check.

Trust me - check. It’s crazy what teens do and say. So many parents are clueless

It's practically impossible for you to know that.

How? NP. I have all three apps on my phone and I can log into my teen’s tik tok, her insta, her finsta, and her snap. The agreement was I know the passwords.

Just another story that if your teen gives her password to any friends to do snap steaks etc… they too can log in on any account at any time and your teen won’t know. And they can download saved snaps on their own phone. That happened in our school to someone. So tell your teens to not give out info, Face ID their phones and individual apps, and change passwords often.