Private schools with proactive parents ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. I would imagine parents would be complaining all the time at private since they are paying a lot for their kids to be there (and there are so many complaints on this forum about all kinds of issues at private schools). I had a difference impression- that people were more demanding because of their expectations based on what they are paying for.

This is true at our school. OP is way off by comparison. But people complain about stupid things - things people here would call “rich people problems”. “Why are they raising money for a new part of the playground, when that’s fine. We think the money should be spent on buying new instruments for the music room - they only have 5 different types for the kids to learn”…. Honestly, OP, if this is what you’re noticing - I keep my mouth shut because those are stupid complaints and I don’t care enough. If it was something that impacted my children directly or was something important, I’d say something.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed that in our school, when things aren’t going well, most parents don’t really speak up. There’s a lot of quiet frustration, but very few are willing to question decisions or demand improvements. It feels like people just accept the status quo, even when the quality of education or services isn’t what it should be. I’m curious if anyone here has experience with a school where parents are genuinely proactive, where they care deeply about their children’s education, stay involved, and don’t hesitate to push for change when standards drop. Does such a place exist?

Perhaps your view of the school is not the prevailing view? It could be the case that most parents don't believe that standards have dropped or that the quality isn't what it should be. I've had kids at 3 different private schools in the DMV and would never describe the parent community as passive or willing to let things slide, especially when it comes to things like academic/curriculum/teaching quality and standards.

Have you tried to talk to other parents about your concerns to see if they share your views? If so and you're getting a lot of the "oh, yes, good point. I too wish Larlo was more challenged in Math" but you're not seeing much action from others on the things you care about, then it tells me that folks are just trying to be polite and then laughing behind your back about how out of touch with reality you are.

+1. There’s one loud mom who always complains about math at my kids’ school. The other parents are passive… to her. No one wants to argue with her that the math is fine, her anxiety is making her argumentative and controlling. The kids who want to become math professors at MIT can do so coming out of our kids’ school.

The whole idea of a private school is that they can adjust to the skills and challenges of the kids. I guess that’s why you pay 60k right ?

Most privates do not promise individual differentiation. Their promises are in their mission statements.

This

High quality private schools do it, maybe not yours.

Which ones? Even Professor Dumbledore didn’t individually differentiate. Harry was treated much like the other students. History of Magic professor who was so boring he died, and it didn’t affect his teaching.

Maybe not in dumbledore but as far as I know parents always ask for some sort of accomodation in private schools. This is normal as in any other service.

Depends on the accommodation. Private schools famously counsel out rather than support IEPs.

My kid is an advanced writer and they set her up with outside mentorship from professional writers. I’d call that differentiation. They also have specialized tutoring for my younger child advanced in math. Plus they have classes that are test in - starting in 5th grade - maybe the public’s do that too- I don’t know we don’t do public

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed that in our school, when things aren’t going well, most parents don’t really speak up. There’s a lot of quiet frustration, but very few are willing to question decisions or demand improvements. It feels like people just accept the status quo, even when the quality of education or services isn’t what it should be. I’m curious if anyone here has experience with a school where parents are genuinely proactive, where they care deeply about their children’s education, stay involved, and don’t hesitate to push for change when standards drop. Does such a place exist?

Perhaps your view of the school is not the prevailing view? It could be the case that most parents don't believe that standards have dropped or that the quality isn't what it should be. I've had kids at 3 different private schools in the DMV and would never describe the parent community as passive or willing to let things slide, especially when it comes to things like academic/curriculum/teaching quality and standards.

Have you tried to talk to other parents about your concerns to see if they share your views? If so and you're getting a lot of the "oh, yes, good point. I too wish Larlo was more challenged in Math" but you're not seeing much action from others on the things you care about, then it tells me that folks are just trying to be polite and then laughing behind your back about how out of touch with reality you are.

+1. There’s one loud mom who always complains about math at my kids’ school. The other parents are passive… to her. No one wants to argue with her that the math is fine, her anxiety is making her argumentative and controlling. The kids who want to become math professors at MIT can do so coming out of our kids’ school.

The whole idea of a private school is that they can adjust to the skills and challenges of the kids. I guess that’s why you pay 60k right ?

Most privates do not promise individual differentiation. Their promises are in their mission statements.

This

High quality private schools do it, maybe not yours.

Which ones? Even Professor Dumbledore didn’t individually differentiate. Harry was treated much like the other students. History of Magic professor who was so boring he died, and it didn’t affect his teaching.

Maybe not in dumbledore but as far as I know parents always ask for some sort of accomodation in private schools. This is normal as in any other service.

Depends on the accommodation. Private schools famously counsel out rather than support IEPs.

My kid is an advanced writer and they set her up with outside mentorship from professional writers. I’d call that differentiation. They also have specialized tutoring for my younger child advanced in math. Plus they have classes that are test in - starting in 5th grade - maybe the public’s do that too- I don’t know we don’t do public

That’s great for your kid. Our kids’ private has every kid learning history that a GW history professor considers masters level. Every private is different. Each parents’ standard doesn’t demand catering to. Just because parents don’t complain about their own standards being met doesn’t mean privates aren’t fulfilling their promises.

[Anonymous]

NP here and I’ve noticed the same at our K-8. Parents complain to me privately but are so afraid to speak up. It’s almost like everyone is part of a country club and is afraid to be outcast. There’s also that feel among the parents that the admin has that “ if you’re not happy, you can leave “ attitude.
People feel that the benefits outweigh the issues and keep their mouth shut.

Also - being a K-8, they are scared that the administration and the HOS won’t vouch for their kid when it comes time to apply for high schools.

[Anonymous]

“Accommodations” has a different definition than in public.

And yes, most issues in private are first world problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here and I’ve noticed the same at our K-8. Parents complain to me privately but are so afraid to speak up. It’s almost like everyone is part of a country club and is afraid to be outcast. There’s also that feel among the parents that the admin has that “ if you’re not happy, you can leave “ attitude.
People feel that the benefits outweigh the issues and keep their mouth shut.

Also - being a K-8, they are scared that the administration and the HOS won’t vouch for their kid when it comes time to apply for high schools.

In schools that have the high school division, the parents might worry that school won't support their kid well during college applications.

[Anonymous]

Definitely the case at St Mary’s. As seen on this board, if anyone dares to complain or raise a question., there’s a group of parents who will just tell you to shut up and leave if you’re not happy.

Plus, it’s hard to argue with the heads of Catholic schools when they literally believe that their policies are guided by God!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely the case at St Mary’s. As seen on this board, if anyone dares to complain or raise a question., there’s a group of parents who will just tell you to shut up and leave if you’re not happy.

Plus, it’s hard to argue with the heads of Catholic schools when they literally believe that their policies are guided by God!

This applies to exclusive private schools in dc as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed that in our school, when things aren’t going well, most parents don’t really speak up. There’s a lot of quiet frustration, but very few are willing to question decisions or demand improvements. It feels like people just accept the status quo, even when the quality of education or services isn’t what it should be. I’m curious if anyone here has experience with a school where parents are genuinely proactive, where they care deeply about their children’s education, stay involved, and don’t hesitate to push for change when standards drop. Does such a place exist?

Parents are scared to say anything or “rock the boat.” Admin and teachers can make things worse. So can “restorative justice” sessions with the kids, which the parents never find out about unless your kid- lower, middle or upper- tells you.

[Anonymous]

Parents would rather say nothing, so their kid won’t be treated badly later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to direct your energy and concerns towards your own child’s education. Enroll them in after school lessons and activities. Provide supplementation in novel reading and essay writing at home yourself. Employ the best tutors and college advisors. Supervise and execute the 1-2 hrs of math practice, music practice, sports practice, elocution lessons, religions instruction, community service, etc. You have to do it yourself. No school, public or private, is going to cater to your exact pedagogical whims.

The tiger parents put their energy into the 190+ days a year their kid is fully at home and the 16 hours a day during the school year they are not at school.

Fun! But necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely the case at St Mary’s. As seen on this board, if anyone dares to complain or raise a question., there’s a group of parents who will just tell you to shut up and leave if you’re not happy.

Plus, it’s hard to argue with the heads of Catholic schools when they literally believe that their policies are guided by God!

This applies to exclusive private schools in dc as well.

One of the advantages of secular private schools is that they don’t fall under the jurisdiction of the Vatican Dicastery for the Publication of the Third Trimester Honor Roll. I’ve also been very concerned about some comments Pope Leo XIV has recently made that signal a possible revision of the Code of Canon Law to further restrict the content that can be included in parochial school parent directories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely the case at St Mary’s. As seen on this board, if anyone dares to complain or raise a question., there’s a group of parents who will just tell you to shut up and leave if you’re not happy.

Plus, it’s hard to argue with the heads of Catholic schools when they literally believe that their policies are guided by God!

This applies to exclusive private schools in dc as well.

One of the advantages of secular private schools is that they don’t fall under the jurisdiction of the Vatican Dicastery for the Publication of the Third Trimester Honor Roll. I’ve also been very concerned about some comments Pope Leo XIV has recently made that signal a possible revision of the Code of Canon Law to further restrict the content that can be included in parochial school parent directories.

The grass is greener on the other side. Private schools have their own dogma on racial and gender diversity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve noticed that in our school, when things aren’t going well, most parents don’t really speak up. There’s a lot of quiet frustration, but very few are willing to question decisions or demand improvements. It feels like people just accept the status quo, even when the quality of education or services isn’t what it should be. I’m curious if anyone here has experience with a school where parents are genuinely proactive, where they care deeply about their children’s education, stay involved, and don’t hesitate to push for change when standards drop. Does such a place exist?

Perhaps your view of the school is not the prevailing view? It could be the case that most parents don't believe that standards have dropped or that the quality isn't what it should be. I've had kids at 3 different private schools in the DMV and would never describe the parent community as passive or willing to let things slide, especially when it comes to things like academic/curriculum/teaching quality and standards.

Have you tried to talk to other parents about your concerns to see if they share your views? If so and you're getting a lot of the "oh, yes, good point. I too wish Larlo was more challenged in Math" but you're not seeing much action from others on the things you care about, then it tells me that folks are just trying to be polite and then laughing behind your back about how out of touch with reality you are.

+1. There’s one loud mom who always complains about math at my kids’ school. The other parents are passive… to her. No one wants to argue with her that the math is fine, her anxiety is making her argumentative and controlling. The kids who want to become math professors at MIT can do so coming out of our kids’ school.

The whole idea of a private school is that they can adjust to the skills and challenges of the kids. I guess that’s why you pay 60k right ?

Most privates do not promise individual differentiation. Their promises are in their mission statements.

Yes they do, and that’s why they charge (substantially) more for their service.

Not in our private, or I should say only to the extent that there are higher minimum standards and leveled classes within the grade. Our public talked about differentiation in math being done solely on the app. There was no teacher feedback, just "ok you did addition and subtraction, so move onto multiplication while I teach below grade level kids how to add." We switched to private where there are a few different class sections of leveled math with a set of goals and outcomes for each class. But if you in the top class and you have mastered the material, there isn't the option to just sign into an app and work 3 grade levels ahead. I much prefer the leveled, teacher-led model of our private to the public's app use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely the case at St Mary’s. As seen on this board, if anyone dares to complain or raise a question., there’s a group of parents who will just tell you to shut up and leave if you’re not happy.

Plus, it’s hard to argue with the heads of Catholic schools when they literally believe that their policies are guided by God!

This applies to exclusive private schools in dc as well.

One of the advantages of secular private schools is that they don’t fall under the jurisdiction of the Vatican Dicastery for the Publication of the Third Trimester Honor Roll. I’ve also been very concerned about some comments Pope Leo XIV has recently made that signal a possible revision of the Code of Canon Law to further restrict the content that can be included in parochial school parent directories.

Like what?