Homecoming—she needs to go with her friend, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make a group.

Sisters before misters.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is her decision, not yours. You are overly involved.

Honestly this. You can advise if she comes to you talk through it but insisting she stick to her plans denies her and opportunity for growth. She's in high school now and has to learn to navigate social situations on her own which includes her making some mistakes.
Flipping out about this ensures she won't want to discuss this stuff with you in the future.
And making boys the forbidden fruit just makes them all the more enticing.

Oh, so we teach them it's ok to ditch friends for boys? Shaking my head! It's no surprise so many of you are on here lamenting your lack of friendships!!

I would think the friend would understand and be excited for her. Plans can change. She can still sleepover and they can hang out at the dance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is her decision, not yours. You are overly involved.

Honestly this. You can advise if she comes to you talk through it but insisting she stick to her plans denies her and opportunity for growth. She's in high school now and has to learn to navigate social situations on her own which includes her making some mistakes.
Flipping out about this ensures she won't want to discuss this stuff with you in the future.
And making boys the forbidden fruit just makes them all the more enticing.

Oh, so we teach them it's ok to ditch friends for boys? Shaking my head! It's no surprise so many of you are on here lamenting your lack of friendships!!

Ummm it is a dance. It is normal to go with a date of the gender to which you are attracted. At this age it is normal to start prioritizing a boyfriend or girlfriend over friends especially at a dance. If she likes the boy she shouldn’t turn him down. Alternatively she can just tell him that he is taking both of them to the dance (which is what I recall announcing to the boy who asked me out at that age). Or the friend can get off her butt and find a date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is her decision, not yours. You are overly involved.

Honestly this. You can advise if she comes to you talk through it but insisting she stick to her plans denies her and opportunity for growth. She's in high school now and has to learn to navigate social situations on her own which includes her making some mistakes.
Flipping out about this ensures she won't want to discuss this stuff with you in the future.
And making boys the forbidden fruit just makes them all the more enticing.

Oh, so we teach them it's ok to ditch friends for boys? Shaking my head! It's no surprise so many of you are on here lamenting your lack of friendships!!

Ummm it is a dance. It is normal to go with a date of the gender to which you are attracted. At this age it is normal to start prioritizing a boyfriend or girlfriend over friends especially at a dance. If she likes the boy she shouldn’t turn him down. Alternatively she can just tell him that he is taking both of them to the dance (which is what I recall announcing to the boy who asked me out at that age). Or the friend can get off her butt and find a date.

If going with a date is such a priority, she should never have made plans with the friend. Now she is leaving her high and dry! That's rude by all accounts and all levels.

[Anonymous]

She needs to respect the plans she’s confirmed w her friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD14 made plans to go with her friend to homecoming. They have it all set up: she’s going to go to the friend’s house to get ready, pictures, and a spending the night here after. Today she came home and said a boy she “sort of” likes keeps hinting that he wants to ask her to go with him to the dance. She hasn’t officially been asked, so I want to correctly manage this before he does ask. She thinks it’s fine, that he will tag along and be the third wheel, but I think that will be awkward for her friend who has no date, and she made plans to go with her friend first. I don’t want her thinking it’s cool to blow off plans and leave friend’s in the lurch over a guy, especially at 14! Am I wrong?

In this case yeah she already committed to the friend.

She can tell her beau suitor that he needs to get her friend a date and they can double then.

[Anonymous]

For goodness sakes, the 15 year old boy doesn't want to go alone. They all go together with or without another boy.

[Anonymous]

She can do both. She either gets ready with her friend and then they meet up with him and his friends, or she gets ready with her friend and meets him at school at a set time if he doesn’t have friends going with him
. Freshman year is too young for prom behavior and hoco is more casual than that anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is her decision, not yours. You are overly involved.

Honestly this. You can advise if she comes to you talk through it but insisting she stick to her plans denies her and opportunity for growth. She's in high school now and has to learn to navigate social situations on her own which includes her making some mistakes.
Flipping out about this ensures she won't want to discuss this stuff with you in the future.
And making boys the forbidden fruit just makes them all the more enticing.

Oh, so we teach them it's ok to ditch friends for boys? Shaking my head! It's no surprise so many of you are on here lamenting your lack of friendships!!

Ummm it is a dance. It is normal to go with a date of the gender to which you are attracted. At this age it is normal to start prioritizing a boyfriend or girlfriend over friends especially at a dance. If she likes the boy she shouldn’t turn him down. Alternatively she can just tell him that he is taking both of them to the dance (which is what I recall announcing to the boy who asked me out at that age). Or the friend can get off her butt and find a date.

Around where we live, Hoco is pretty casual and most ppl go with friends even if they are dating, usually in big groups. It’s not really a “date” event - prom or winter formal for that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s a big deal to change or evolve the plan.
What? Are we supposed to lock in our plans with friends on September 1? What if someone asks you, and you want to go with them on September 5?

Evolve the plan. Your dd should check in with her friend. They should choose 3-4 other friends, boys and girls, and see if group will go.

I’ve also taught my kids just bc you have a date, it’s ok to go with them but just check in with the date, back and forth. Hang with your friends, connect with the date briefly, etc.
It’s not like a 9th grade date (or whatever grade) needs to be extremely romantic and alone.

Wait? How is the other girl supposed to just manifest a date? No one has asked her. The OPs child will have a DATE. That’s different than a friend group of four. It’s not fair. She just goes with her friend and will see this boy there.

Whoosh it went over your head. “How is the other girl supposed to just manifest a date?”
**I did not suggest it** so it went over your head.
I said dd and friend need to branch out overall. Find 3-4 friends of any gender, girls and boys mixed, whatever.
Get a group going.

Principle being—was dd and friend going to only have eyes for each other all night?
Were dd and possible new date only going to have eyes for each other all night?
Everyone involved needs to branch out.
Dd and friend said “let’s go together” because they don’t want to feel alone. But they should have a larger group on hand. 1 is already too few people.

More people!

[Anonymous]

What I said above “I’ve also taught my kids just bc you have a date, it’s ok to go with them but just check in with the date, back and forth. Hang with your friends, connect with the date briefly, etc.
It’s not like a 9th grade date (or whatever grade) needs to be extremely romantic and alone.”