If your grandparents are dead, how often do you see your first cousins?

[Anonymous]

It was never my grandparents in either side that kept us cousins close; it was our parents and their parents. I have over 40 first cousins. Some I have literally never met. A few are my very best friends, closer than my siblings. My grandparents' deaths were irrelevant. As kids, it was about proximity and our parents' closeness to each other. As adults, it's just who we like and shared memories from childhood that keep us together.

I take a short vacation at least once a year and visit several times a year with a handful o close cousins, others I see maybe once a year, some just at big family events or funerals, and some I've never met. We are Irish so the diaspora is wide: US, Australia, Dubai, Spain, Portugal, and of course Ireland and England. We still have a home place in Ireland.

[Anonymous]

2 of mine are in jail so I never see them. 2 of them live far away so I haven’t seen them since our grandmother’s funeral. The only one that is normal I keep in touch with, he lives 6 hours away but we keep in touch via text and I’m close with his wife.

My husband only has 1 cousin and he lived in another country but we have a very good relationship with him and his family.

[Anonymous]

I did not grow up near any of my cousins (15 total, 8 on one side and 7 on the other side) so only saw them on occasional family trips.

Now, I live near a bunch of them and see them about 1-2 times a year, mainly holiday events.

The ones I don't live near I'll see rarely at a wedding or funeral. A couple times DH and I have traveled to the city most of them live in and will visit then.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 first cousins. I'm close with one of them and see him regularly, at least once a month. The other two I see a few times a years at family events or holidays.

[Anonymous]

I have 3. I go out of my way to make sure I see them all once a year even if I'd rather spend my vacation time elsewhere. Still this is not enough for my mom and whenever I mention a family vacation she says "You really should have gone to visit so-and-so. Or you could have arranged to meet her there." She really wants me to see her sisters daughter and doesn't really care if I see her brothers sons. Unfortunately she is a huge pain and honestly I dread even seeing her yearly!

[Anonymous]

Never, sadly. I went to their weddings but have since lost touch. It's one of the few reasons I still like social media - I can follow a little about their and their kids' lives.

[Anonymous]

I am an only and grew up with 2 cousins within 3 years. I saw my male cousin + his kids a month ago, but prior to that it was a few years (at my grandpas funeral I think actually). My female cousin, I have on instagram and while I haven't seen her in a few years, we chat often and are up on each others lives.

But actually seeing, visits are definitely a few years apart.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm...

In my family, it wasn't really the Grandparents that brought everyone together, it was more so the siblings and their relationship. Grandparents have all been gone for at least 10 years now.

Today, I rarely see my first cousins from my Dad's side - maybe once a year if lucky and that's usually only at a yearly event in my hometown.

I'll see many of my first cousins on my Mom's side more frequently and will try to connect with them when I'm in the same town. I was in my hometown to help my Mom after surgery and was able to spend part of an afternoon with a few cousins on that side of the family. We have vacationed together as well.

Wife has 3 first cousins on her Dad's side and will see them at weddings and funerals and not much else. She has like 30 on her Mom's side and is really only close with 1 or 2. Will see 1 that she is closest with at least a couple of time a year.

[Anonymous]

Never.

I’m the only one with a college degree and my father had a huge fight with their father just after my grandfather’s death. So that was the end of that.

I think both of our fathers are at fault for the situation and would like to meet their families but I don’t pressure them and while I let them know the door is open with me, they have not responded. I just dropped the rope.

[Anonymous]

On dad’s side, we have a cousin reunion once a year. It’s great.

On mom’s side, a cousin gathering every 2-3 years.

My spouse never sees 1st cousins. Very different approach between our families.

[Anonymous]

On my mom’s side, as often as we can, considering we all live in different cities. We are each other’s favorite cousins, and they are delightful people.

On my dad’s side, I see one cousin a fair bit. She’s the youngest, my own kids’ age, and we get together, along with her mom, when we can.

The other cousins on my dad’s side? I haven’t seen them in years, and only ever if I make the effort to travel to them. They don’t even bother to call if they’re in/passing through DC. My sister and I are definitely the disfavored cousins; they strongly prefer the cousins on their dad’s side, as well as the youngest cousin (above) we have in common. Both my father and their mother (siblings) are mid-70s and in poor health. I expect that the next time I see them will be at their mother’s funeral; I doubt any of them will make the effort to travel for my father’s funeral. I’m closer to 2nd and 3rd cousins on my mom’s side than I am to this group of 1st cousins.

[Anonymous]

It was never about the grandparents. It was always about the siblings. Siblings want to get together. Siblings make the effort (though it varies on what each of us thinks is enough)

Seeing our parents who lived near the siblings was even more frequent but the two decisions weren't dependent on each other.

[Anonymous]

and seeing the sibling meant, likely, seeing at least a a few of the cousins. But it would be rather random, not planned.

[Anonymous]

Never, but it coincided with my uncle dying, not my grandparents. My uncle was the blood relation to our side of the family and my aunt, who’d been around long before I was born, just stopped responding to any outreach from us. This was 12 years ago, I was already an adult in my mid 30s, thought I had an independent relationship with my cousins and aunt/uncle, but they ghosted all of us. We grew up a town apart and saw each other regularly.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 and am still in close touch with 3 of them. Two of them I see often and text daily/weekly, one I see a few times a year but touch base at least monthly, one is a lot older than me so we've never been close but I still see him about once a year.