Was my best friend talking about me behind my back?

[Anonymous]

Talking about a wedding you are going to be in with your cousin is not talking behind the bride’s back. That expression is for when people are saying private or embarrassing things, not wedding logistics.

[Anonymous]

You don’t really understand the consort of “talking behind your back.” Your friend provided facts - the bachelorette pertained to HER life too. There was nothing negative, gossipy or even private in the information she provided her cousin. But if you are looking for trouble when a friend is obviously trying to do something special for you and ensure you are happy and content with the plan, then you should set her free to find better friends who won’t see the worst in people and bring drama when there is none:

And NO - she was not talking behind your back . Geez.

[Anonymous]

^you don’t really understand the *concept**^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is impossible to follow.
Is your bachelorette supposed to be a surprise for you in terms of location?
Then her cousin is a jerk and potentially spoiling the surprise. Your friend isn't talking behind your back she is trying to arrange your surprise party juggling schedules.

Yes, kind of. I knew about NYC but not them planning something potentially out of the country after finding out my finance would be going out of the country.

I asked if she was talking behind my back for her to discuss why my fiancé going out of the country and why my other bridesmaid couldn’t go.

I’m not almost 50 and way past bachelorette parties.

Back in the day, every single bridesmaid I knew well had complaints. It was often about other difficult bridesmaids, inconvenience or cost. I would not say this is shit talking about the bride.

I remember one wedding I was in I had bought a gift for the bride off her registry. Another bridesmaid was coordinating a group gift. I said I bought a gift already. She got so mad at me.

OP, you seem very immature. How old are you? Every person is going to talk about you about YOUR wedding. Every guest will comment something good and likely bad. The bad may not have anything to do with you.

[Anonymous]

I read that four times and still have no idea what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read that four times and still have no idea what you're talking about.

Sorry English is not native language. I’ve tried to clean it up below:

I’m getting married next month. My bachelorette is the end of the month in NYC . My finance’s bachelor party is the same weekend, and he’s potentially going to Colombia.

I called my best friend on FaceTime and her male cousin grabbed the phone. The first thing he said was, “Can I go to Colombia? I heard that may be your fiancé is going and it’s a competition, so now you all are going out of the country too? But I heard that you all can’t go out of the county because one of your friend is blocking”. In the midst of this I heard my best friend say stop and called him a $hit starter.

After he gives her the phone back she said he’s always trying to start stuff. She tried to give the backstory of why her cousin said that. She said earlier he asked what she did yesterday and she told him nothing. He also asked what she did on Friday and again she said nothing, just stayed in the house. She told him that she was glad because she’s had so much to do each weekend the last few months. The next thing she has going on is the bachelorette, so was happy for the down time. He was confused and thought it was the bachelorette last weekend (my bridal shower was last weekend). She corrected him and said no, it was last weekend and the bachelorette is the end of the month because my fiancé and I are having our getaways the same weekend. He then asked her what we had planned. She told him we were going to NYC and that he was going to Colombia but didn’t think he was really going. That at one point, after hearing he was going there, that they (the bridesmaids) had planned to for us to go to DR instead (I wasn’t privy to this) but another bridesmaid couldn’t go because she’s in another wedding so it wasn’t feasible, so they stuck with the NYC plans.

After she explained how this came up, she said that she told her cousin to stop because she didn’t want me to know that they had tried to plan my bachelorette outside of the country. She said even though she didn’t think I would really care she didn’t want me to think, “oh dang that would’ve been nice if we could’ve gone” and potentially disappointed.

I feel like she’s been talking behind my back and this was an inappropriate conversation to have, especially about why the other bridesmaid couldn’t go to DR and what my fiancé is doing.

[Anonymous]

What ever happened to a bachelorette party that involved going out for dinner and drinks?

[Anonymous]

She’s talking about you because she is literally planning things. What is private or derogatory?

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. Sorry you're getting flamed. Some people clearly have great lives and all the answers, right?

I think there's a difference between people talking about you, and people talking trash/mess about you. Sometimes, people talk about us when we're not around. If we have a history of mistreatment, bullying, or abuse, this can be hard to handle. It feels unsafe to be out-of-control over the narratives being passed about us. For me, it helps to try to think about who's talking and why. If someone was talking about you to try to help plan a party for you, that's not trash talk. If someone's talking about what a lush you are and how you can't be trusted around an open bar, that's talking mess.

It's hard for me to say what this conversation was, but it sounds likely that it was simply planning and logistics, and people who love and care about you trying to do something nice. Do you trust them? Do they usually have your best interests at heart? Are they usually kind to you or messy around/about you? Use that as your metric and see how your gut feels.

Ignore the haters. There's a LOT of people in the world who apparently have nothing better to do with their time than talk/post mess. That's about them, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read that four times and still have no idea what you're talking about.

Sorry English is not native language. I’ve tried to clean it up below:

I’m getting married next month. My bachelorette is the end of the month in NYC . My finance’s bachelor party is the same weekend, and he’s potentially going to Colombia.

I called my best friend on FaceTime and her male cousin grabbed the phone. The first thing he said was, “Can I go to Colombia? I heard that may be your fiancé is going and it’s a competition, so now you all are going out of the country too? But I heard that you all can’t go out of the county because one of your friend is blocking”. In the midst of this I heard my best friend say stop and called him a $hit starter.

After he gives her the phone back she said he’s always trying to start stuff. She tried to give the backstory of why her cousin said that. She said earlier he asked what she did yesterday and she told him nothing. He also asked what she did on Friday and again she said nothing, just stayed in the house. She told him that she was glad because she’s had so much to do each weekend the last few months. The next thing she has going on is the bachelorette, so was happy for the down time. He was confused and thought it was the bachelorette last weekend (my bridal shower was last weekend). She corrected him and said no, it was last weekend and the bachelorette is the end of the month because my fiancé and I are having our getaways the same weekend. He then asked her what we had planned. She told him we were going to NYC and that he was going to Colombia but didn’t think he was really going. That at one point, after hearing he was going there, that they (the bridesmaids) had planned to for us to go to DR instead (I wasn’t privy to this) but another bridesmaid couldn’t go because she’s in another wedding so it wasn’t feasible, so they stuck with the NYC plans.

After she explained how this came up, she said that she told her cousin to stop because she didn’t want me to know that they had tried to plan my bachelorette outside of the country. She said even though she didn’t think I would really care she didn’t want me to think, “oh dang that would’ve been nice if we could’ve gone” and potentially disappointed.

I feel like she’s been talking behind my back and this was an inappropriate conversation to have, especially about why the other bridesmaid couldn’t go to DR and what my fiancé is doing.

No you’re misunderstanding all the responses here: Calm down, grow up, care less, don’t worry, have fun ….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read that four times and still have no idea what you're talking about.

Sorry English is not native language. I’ve tried to clean it up below:

I’m getting married next month. My bachelorette is the end of the month in NYC . My finance’s bachelor party is the same weekend, and he’s potentially going to Colombia.

I called my best friend on FaceTime and her male cousin grabbed the phone. The first thing he said was, “Can I go to Colombia? I heard that may be your fiancé is going and it’s a competition, so now you all are going out of the country too? But I heard that you all can’t go out of the county because one of your friend is blocking”. In the midst of this I heard my best friend say stop and called him a $hit starter.

After he gives her the phone back she said he’s always trying to start stuff. She tried to give the backstory of why her cousin said that. She said earlier he asked what she did yesterday and she told him nothing. He also asked what she did on Friday and again she said nothing, just stayed in the house. She told him that she was glad because she’s had so much to do each weekend the last few months. The next thing she has going on is the bachelorette, so was happy for the down time. He was confused and thought it was the bachelorette last weekend (my bridal shower was last weekend). She corrected him and said no, it was last weekend and the bachelorette is the end of the month because my fiancé and I are having our getaways the same weekend. He then asked her what we had planned. She told him we were going to NYC and that he was going to Colombia but didn’t think he was really going. That at one point, after hearing he was going there, that they (the bridesmaids) had planned to for us to go to DR instead (I wasn’t privy to this) but another bridesmaid couldn’t go because she’s in another wedding so it wasn’t feasible, so they stuck with the NYC plans.

After she explained how this came up, she said that she told her cousin to stop because she didn’t want me to know that they had tried to plan my bachelorette outside of the country. She said even though she didn’t think I would really care she didn’t want me to think, “oh dang that would’ve been nice if we could’ve gone” and potentially disappointed.

I feel like she’s been talking behind my back and this was an inappropriate conversation to have, especially about why the other bridesmaid couldn’t go to DR and what my fiancé is doing.

No you’re misunderstanding all the responses here: Calm down, grow up, care less, don’t worry, have fun ….

And you can’t/shouldn’t control how people talk in private.

[Anonymous]

You mean, talking about an event in her life is now talking behind your back? That’s not what talking behind your back means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What ever happened to a bachelorette party that involved going out for dinner and drinks?

One upping on social media.

[Anonymous]

Please chill OP. Your best friend was not talking behind your back. It isn’t possible because you were involved in the conversation lol.

The short summary: Your best friend was attempting to equalize the bachelor party destination in Colombia to the bachelorette party destination in NYC. She asked the wedding party if they’d be on board to change destination to Dominican Republic.

This was a considerate change of location. Being the bride is special and she did not want the guys to outshine your bachelorette party. She made a quick executive decision to keep it in NYC because one bridesmaid had a conflicting event. She had to make a decision. Leave one bridesmaid out, or stick to the plan. I think as your best friend she knew you wouldn’t want to exclude one of the bridesmaids.

Sh has your back, not talking behind your back.

[Anonymous]

I can’t even follow this. Grow up.