Another graduation question - debating whether to go to nephew’s junior high graduation and if so, which of us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Academic graduation is HS and College BA or PhD.

That's the list.

OP here & I agree. My brother really cares about his side of the family attending his son’s events, I think in part because he’s acrimoniously divorced (that’s another can of worms). So I do feel guilty and try to make an extra effort to be there for him and his son. It’s just it’ll be such a long day for my little one, even if I let him stay home from camp that day to rest up beforehand.

So is this partly about showing support for your brother on a day that he’s going to have to see his ex-wife?

[Anonymous]

I would honestly probably go. I live 1.5 hours from my brother, and we both attend various kids events. Even stupid ones.

I would go up early and eat dinner with your brother, parents, and nephew.
Bring toothbrushes and pajamas and do the bedtime routine at your brother’s house before you go home. Put pillows and blankets in the car so your kids fall asleep, and put sleeping kids to bed when you get home.

[Anonymous]

I would go. If my family was 1.5 hours away, I would probably go up to see them anyway when my husband was out of town.

Do you have to drive home that night? Can you stay with your brother or do your parents live near him?

The only thing I would insist on is having dinner before and not after. I wouldn’t want to take a 5 year old to a restaurant at 8pm on a Friday night.

[Anonymous]

Junior high graduation? No. If your dh was home, I’d tell you to go solo, but if you’re juggling young kids on your own and it’s a 90 minute drive each way, I think it’s absurd to even consider it.

[Anonymous]

Well, when our kid has had 8th grade promotion, DH didn’t even take the day off work to attend.. at our kid’s suggestion! I went, but it was super boring & impersonal. We both went to all the band concerts, etc, but the promotion didn’t seem like a big deal. However, if it’s a big deal to your brother and/or nephew, I’d suck it up and go.

[Anonymous]

This is OP, thanks to additional PPs for your perspective. This is clearly a big deal to my brother, can’t say if it is to my nephew. One thing I’ll add - my brother & his ex have 50/50 custody & the ceremony takes place on his ex’s day. So we’d be going for the promotion ceremony & a few photos afterward, but can’t hang out with my nephew before or after. If we could spend time with my nephew beforehand, have an early dinner together, it would be worth the hassle of going. Or if it were earlier in the day. But the combination of late in day + ceremony/photos with no hang out time, it just does not make sense to me….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, thanks to additional PPs for your perspective. This is clearly a big deal to my brother, can’t say if it is to my nephew. One thing I’ll add - my brother & his ex have 50/50 custody & the ceremony takes place on his ex’s day. So we’d be going for the promotion ceremony & a few photos afterward, but can’t hang out with my nephew before or after. If we could spend time with my nephew beforehand, have an early dinner together, it would be worth the hassle of going. Or if it were earlier in the day. But the combination of late in day + ceremony/photos with no hang out time, it just does not make sense to me….

It’s good to start boundaries now. You are a good aunt and it’s nice to want to be there for your nephew and your brother. But this isn’t worth it and it’s a hassle for your own kids. Your kids are little, you need a sitter and it’s not a real graduation. Save it for when it’s his big championship game or when he’s in the play. Or his actual HS graduation. Those are the events that are worth it.

My daughter has her promotion ceremony for 8th grade next week and DH isn’t even going because of work. This isn’t a graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Academic graduation is HS and College BA or PhD.

That's the list.

That is your list. PK was very fun!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Academic graduation is HS and College BA or PhD.

That's the list.

OP here & I agree. My brother really cares about his side of the family attending his son’s events, I think in part because he’s acrimoniously divorced (that’s another can of worms). So I do feel guilty and try to make an extra effort to be there for him and his son. It’s just it’ll be such a long day for my little one, even if I let him stay home from camp that day to rest up beforehand.

np just send a card and some $$ and tell brother you can't make it. It should be ok. You know neither your nephew nor your brother will attend your kid's graduation and that should be fine too!

Do what is best for YOUR family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Academic graduation is HS and College BA or PhD.

That's the list.

That is your list. PK was very fun!

Fun, yes but also a bit crazy, no? Why not do it for every year then?

[Anonymous]

No I would not do this. I would consider going alone or with your older one, but not with your 5 year old.

This is a promotion ceremony, not a graduation. I'd make every effort to attend his HS graduation in 4 years with your whole family (if that's possible).

[Anonymous]

Man, you are totally overthinking this! A 30 minute drive is a nothingburger. Just leave when you need to, not a big deal to be home in time for their bedtimes.

Of course if you don't want to go, just say that! lol. But hanging out with family and letting cousins be together is something I feel strongly is a worthwhile endeavor.

[Anonymous]

I am assuming that your 5 year old had a pre-school graduation in the last year. Did your brother and nephew come to that? If yes, then I would go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man, you are totally overthinking this! A 30 minute drive is a nothingburger. Just leave when you need to, not a big deal to be home in time for their bedtimes.

Of course if you don't want to go, just say that! lol. But hanging out with family and letting cousins be together is something I feel strongly is a worthwhile endeavor.

A five year old isn't hanging with a 14 year old

[Anonymous]

Sounds like setting your kids Ava everyone else up for a rotten boring night. Skip it.