Another example of why I won’t contribute to Go Fund Me requests anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my previous line of work, I had access to / needed to review and audit regular people’s bank accounts for suspected fraud. One woman had lost a young child (stillborn? SIDS? Can’t remember) and she’d set up a
GFM. Observations:

1. She’d asked for (and raised) something like $10k but only paid the funeral home less than $1k.

2. She received the GFM payout in a lump sum, direct deposit to her bank account. Literally the next day she began a months long shopping spree.

3. GFM took a decent chunk of the amount raised. I remember thinking, wow, remind me to always just Venmo the person directly and cut out the middleman.

4. I don’t think I just someone for going on a shopping spree. They lost a kid. (But in my case, the woman had also committed unrelated fraud so there’s that!)

Many funeral homes deeply discount or even provide their services for free for infant losses. I work in the industry and that is pretty typical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to work with a woman who easily made $600K+ a year. She sadly passed away and within hours, someone had set up a GoFundMe asking for money for funeral expenses. The person was not direct family and I always wondered if the family even approved of this: she was very well off and I’d assume had life insurance for such purposes. It was a bit odd to me.

What line of work to make over a half milli per annum?

[Anonymous]

Monetizing a tragedy in any form gives me pause.

I don’t understand the rush to establish a foundation or charity, write a book, become a speaker, establish oneself as a paid talking head/expert.

It’s narcissistic.

I get the grief and shock and trauma but question why any funding or outreach or expertise might be used in a less public manner. Establish a scholarship. Contribute towards a well known project or quietly give to local charities that are meaningful and significant to you.

Kind of gross to realize that you can make a full time job out of grief and loss and literally profit from it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither will I. Have a neighbor who posted one seeking $50k. It went over that. They are by no means poor and I know based on their jobs they each make well over $150k a year. Their baby tragically died of SIDS but they didn’t need the funeral expenses and a funeral for a baby is not $50k. The same year they gutted their house and bought a new car. I have zero doubt that’s where the funds for that came from.

I'm not willing to judge anything done by parents who lost a baby to SIDs. Check yourself.

Hmmwell. Not the PP, but... it still smacks of subterfuge. My aunt gave birth to a stillborn at 42 weeks. They were middle class and didn't ask anyone for money. No parent should ever lose a child, and those that do usually don't do a cash grab. Grief does not suddenly transform you into someone you're not. It just shows others who you really are.

And apparently you are willing to judge people you don't even know who lost a child to SIDs. Disgusting.

You have it backwards. Using your child's death to bilk friends and family out of money for home renovation is disgusting. I don't know if disgusting is harsh enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Monetizing a tragedy in any form gives me pause.

I don’t understand the rush to establish a foundation or charity, write a book, become a speaker, establish oneself as a paid talking head/expert.

It’s narcissistic.

I get the grief and shock and trauma but question why any funding or outreach or expertise might be used in a less public manner. Establish a scholarship. Contribute towards a well known project or quietly give to local charities that are meaningful and significant to you.

Kind of gross to realize that you can make a full time job out of grief and loss and literally profit from it all.

I completely understand why parents would start of foundation aimed at preventing similar deaths of other children. It's a way to feel that their child did not die in vain or to feel they can take some control in a situation that makes you feel completely powerless and out of control. I don't think it is necessarily narcissistic.

[Anonymous]

Most GFM campaigns are scams.

[Anonymous]

GFMs are for trash people. I don't care if you are dirt broke. You never beg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Monetizing a tragedy in any form gives me pause.

I don’t understand the rush to establish a foundation or charity, write a book, become a speaker, establish oneself as a paid talking head/expert.

It’s narcissistic.

I get the grief and shock and trauma but question why any funding or outreach or expertise might be used in a less public manner. Establish a scholarship. Contribute towards a well known project or quietly give to local charities that are meaningful and significant to you.

Kind of gross to realize that you can make a full time job out of grief and loss and literally profit from it all.

I completely understand why parents would start of foundation aimed at preventing similar deaths of other children. It's a way to feel that their child did not die in vain or to feel they can take some control in a situation that makes you feel completely powerless and out of control. I don't think it is necessarily narcissistic.

PP and maybe nuance or distinction here is must a brand new charity/foundation/specific business model be started though and not align yourself with an established cause or foundation?

Was thinking of some domestic abuse charity that Denise Brown started in reaction to her sister Nicole Brown Simpson’s murder. The whole thing fizzled out - I looked. The few locally founded “memorial” fundraisers I know about seem to run only 3 years.

Just saying would be better to join a tried and true
organization but that circumvents the vanity and attention seeking that is at play here

[Anonymous]

Someone posted a gofundme request for many thousands of dollars because they had a baby and didn’t want to go back to work.

So the rest of us suckers are supposed to work and pay for you to SAH? No thanks.

[Anonymous]

I personally think they should be taxed.

I also don't understand the funeral expenses. Have the funeral you can afford! Donate your body to science or choose cremation. It doesn't need to cost 10k.

[Anonymous]

I can’t believe you all fell for the GFM nonsense. The money always goes towards something other than the GFM purpose

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither will I. Have a neighbor who posted one seeking $50k. It went over that. They are by no means poor and I know based on their jobs they each make well over $150k a year. Their baby tragically died of SIDS but they didn’t need the funeral expenses and a funeral for a baby is not $50k. The same year they gutted their house and bought a new car. I have zero doubt that’s where the funds for that came from.

I'm not willing to judge anything done by parents who lost a baby to SIDs. Check yourself.

Hmmwell. Not the PP, but... it still smacks of subterfuge. My aunt gave birth to a stillborn at 42 weeks. They were middle class and didn't ask anyone for money. No parent should ever lose a child, and those that do usually don't do a cash grab. Grief does not suddenly transform you into someone you're not. It just shows others who you really are.

Ok? Your experience (your aunt's actually) is not everyone else's. I would rather go work at McDonald's as a second job than create a GoFundMe for something but the whining about it is obnoxious. Don't donate if you don't want to. Problem solved.

Some people are in a nice house or driving a 7-8 year old luxury car and they still don't have access to $50k last minute. Does it make sense to sell their house? Probably not. Maybe they've changed jobs. Maybe their spouse lost a job, who knows. They might be bad at managing money but if people want to help them in a time of crisis that's not really your business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither will I. Have a neighbor who posted one seeking $50k. It went over that. They are by no means poor and I know based on their jobs they each make well over $150k a year. Their baby tragically died of SIDS but they didn’t need the funeral expenses and a funeral for a baby is not $50k. The same year they gutted their house and bought a new car. I have zero doubt that’s where the funds for that came from.

I'm not willing to judge anything done by parents who lost a baby to SIDs. Check yourself.

People in grief can still be selfish a-holes. I would judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:GFMs are for trash people. I don't care if you are dirt broke. You never beg.

In my experience, the fund is often set up by friends or family because people want to help but aren't sure what people need. I'm certainly not going to judge someone for having friends who want to help them. Of course there are people who set them up for frivolous reasons or people who are scammers, but I'm not going to lump everyone into one category.

I have known a few people who have tragically lost a child. I was happy to donate to a fund and I truly did not care what they used the money for. I simply wanted to do something to help as they navigated through their grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither will I. Have a neighbor who posted one seeking $50k. It went over that. They are by no means poor and I know based on their jobs they each make well over $150k a year. Their baby tragically died of SIDS but they didn’t need the funeral expenses and a funeral for a baby is not $50k. The same year they gutted their house and bought a new car. I have zero doubt that’s where the funds for that came from.

I'm not willing to judge anything done by parents who lost a baby to SIDs. Check yourself.

Hmmwell. Not the PP, but... it still smacks of subterfuge. My aunt gave birth to a stillborn at 42 weeks. They were middle class and didn't ask anyone for money. No parent should ever lose a child, and those that do usually don't do a cash grab. Grief does not suddenly transform you into someone you're not. It just shows others who you really are.

Ok? Your experience (your aunt's actually) is not everyone else's. I would rather go work at McDonald's as a second job than create a GoFundMe for something but the whining about it is obnoxious. Don't donate if you don't want to. Problem solved.

Some people are in a nice house or driving a 7-8 year old luxury car and they still don't have access to $50k last minute. Does it make sense to sell their house? Probably not. Maybe they've changed jobs. Maybe their spouse lost a job, who knows. They might be bad at managing money but if people want to help them in a time of crisis that's not really your business

What on earth would someone need $50,000 for? A funeral is not that expensive. People who have jobs have medical insurance. No one’s deductible and co-pay are going to be $50k.