Child is angry at me for divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys will want to go with their dad. If he is being forced to live with you, then it won't end well.

At the very least, there should be 50/50 custody for him, if not 80/20 with his dad.

What? No this isn’t true.

Denial of reality is why you are in this situation.

Do you keep denying reality and digging deeper is the question.

Ok, we've got the angry misogynist single dad troll in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys will want to go with their dad. If he is being forced to live with you, then it won't end well.

At the very least, there should be 50/50 custody for him, if not 80/20 with his dad.

What? No this isn’t true.

Denial of reality is why you are in this situation.

Do you keep denying reality and digging deeper is the question.

I am not OP, I am a completely different poster who isn't in OPs situation at all. I'm just saying, you're wrong. Not all boys will want to go with their dad. In fact, most children prefer their mothers.

Until around age 8-10, then they prefer their dads, even the female children. That is just statistics and reality, not a personal preference or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys will want to go with their dad. If he is being forced to live with you, then it won't end well.

At the very least, there should be 50/50 custody for him, if not 80/20 with his dad.

What? No this isn’t true.

Denial of reality is why you are in this situation.

Do you keep denying reality and digging deeper is the question.

Ok, we've got the angry misogynist single dad troll in this thread.

I'm female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys will want to go with their dad. If he is being forced to live with you, then it won't end well.

At the very least, there should be 50/50 custody for him, if not 80/20 with his dad.

What? No this isn’t true.

Denial of reality is why you are in this situation.

Do you keep denying reality and digging deeper is the question.

I am not OP, I am a completely different poster who isn't in OPs situation at all. I'm just saying, you're wrong. Not all boys will want to go with their dad. In fact, most children prefer their mothers.

Until around age 8-10, then they prefer their dads, even the female children. That is just statistics and reality, not a personal preference or anything.

No but kids need both parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP. I’m in a similar situation. My husband left us for an affair and doesn’t want to see the kids much. I am holding everything together, working, paying all the bills, handling all kid activities. And the kids are being mean to me also. it hurts so much given that I am going through the worst time in my life and need support. I’ve learned, through therapists and my divorce lawyer, that this is normal kid behavior, unfortunately. The kids are traumatized and know their father is wrong, but are scared that he is going to leave them completely and not see them at all. So they’re on good behavior with him and don’t call him out on anything. They take all their fears and frustrations out on me because I’m the safe reliable dependable parent. It hurts a lot. I brought them to therapist, but they don’t talk. anyway hang in there and take care of yourself. You’re such a good mom.

I feel for you and your kids pp.

This sounds like my childhood story (I was a teen with younger siblings at the time). We lived in same town, nearby with mom. Saw dad via informal arrangement throughout the week and on weekends.

How did ours end? Dad and new wife had their own new kid, moved away, and eventually cut off all ties with kids of first marriage.

You lived with mom. He couldn’t bond with limited time with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP. I’m in a similar situation. My husband left us for an affair and doesn’t want to see the kids much. I am holding everything together, working, paying all the bills, handling all kid activities. And the kids are being mean to me also. it hurts so much given that I am going through the worst time in my life and need support. I’ve learned, through therapists and my divorce lawyer, that this is normal kid behavior, unfortunately. The kids are traumatized and know their father is wrong, but are scared that he is going to leave them completely and not see them at all. So they’re on good behavior with him and don’t call him out on anything. They take all their fears and frustrations out on me because I’m the safe reliable dependable parent. It hurts a lot. I brought them to therapist, but they don’t talk. anyway hang in there and take care of yourself. You’re such a good mom.

I feel for you and your kids pp.

This sounds like my childhood story (I was a teen with younger siblings at the time). We lived in same town, nearby with mom. Saw dad via informal arrangement throughout the week and on weekends.

How did ours end? Dad and new wife had their own new kid, moved away, and eventually cut off all ties with kids of first marriage.

You lived with mom. He couldn’t bond with limited time with you.

BS. Excuses. Being a good parent is being selfless towards your children and giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC’s father walked out on the marriage during an extended mental health episode that involved delusions about me hurting him and persecuting him. I tried to attend couples counseling with him but he had split to a degree that the (multiple) counselors we saw recommended separation. It was very painful for me not to be able to salvage the marriage. Post divorce I have moved on and am much happier now that I am not being yelled out and emotionally abused by someone who was mentally ill.

My elder DC is 11. He is very angry about the divorce. He does not know the details but he knows it was his dad’s decision. He however yells and takes out his anger on me, even though this is something that I had no control over. He gets very mean says he doesn’t want to be with anyone in the family anymore. I get that he’s just a child and struggling, but this is hard for me to hear after what I’ve been through.

What were you doing that caused him to think that?

Asks the person who never lived with a mentally ill person suffering from delusions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex DH has "delusions about me hurting him and persecuting him."
Child has incorrect ideas that you hurt him and are responsibly at fault. With yelling.

Is it possible child should have a neurological evaluation to rule out hereditary mental health issue?

This was my first thought. This kind of mental illness is unfortunately hereditary in SOME cases. The kid is old enough for the first cracks to start, though diagnosis wouldn't happen until later teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boys will want to go with their dad. If he is being forced to live with you, then it won't end well.

At the very least, there should be 50/50 custody for him, if not 80/20 with his dad.

What? No this isn’t true.

Denial of reality is why you are in this situation.

Do you keep denying reality and digging deeper is the question.

Ok, we've got the angry misogynist single dad troll in this thread.

I'm female.

DP: Your gender doesn't matter -- you clearly know nothing about mental illness. Or maybe you didn't bother reading the whole OP?

[Anonymous]

Of course he is angry. It takes time to deal with. Years. The best thing you can do is listen and help him find outlets for his anger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC’s father walked out on the marriage during an extended mental health episode that involved delusions about me hurting him and persecuting him. I tried to attend couples counseling with him but he had split to a degree that the (multiple) counselors we saw recommended separation. It was very painful for me not to be able to salvage the marriage. Post divorce I have moved on and am much happier now that I am not being yelled out and emotionally abused by someone who was mentally ill.

My elder DC is 11. He is very angry about the divorce. He does not know the details but he knows it was his dad’s decision. He however yells and takes out his anger on me, even though this is something that I had no control over. He gets very mean says he doesn’t want to be with anyone in the family anymore. I get that he’s just a child and struggling, but this is hard for me to hear after what I’ve been through.

Why aren't you in family of counseling as well as private counseling for him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC’s father walked out on the marriage during an extended mental health episode that involved delusions about me hurting him and persecuting him. I tried to attend couples counseling with him but he had split to a degree that the (multiple) counselors we saw recommended separation. It was very painful for me not to be able to salvage the marriage. Post divorce I have moved on and am much happier now that I am not being yelled out and emotionally abused by someone who was mentally ill.

My elder DC is 11. He is very angry about the divorce. He does not know the details but he knows it was his dad’s decision. He however yells and takes out his anger on me, even though this is something that I had no control over. He gets very mean says he doesn’t want to be with anyone in the family anymore. I get that he’s just a child and struggling, but this is hard for me to hear after what I’ve been through.

He is angry at the situation not you but he takes it out on you. Counseling for both of you.

[Anonymous]

This is what happens when a parent walks out and abandons their commitments to a child.
The child has a right to be angry but needs outlets and anger management or it will follow them for decades.