"I don't need to know what year it is to drive."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you respond to that from your 78 yo old mom who has a 'strong' personlality and early dementia?

She doesn't know the year, the current preident, or her zip code.

I wish I didn’t know who the current President is.

+1

[Anonymous]

Disconnect the battery if you feel like you have no other option to keep her off the road. That will at least delay her next trip behind the wheel while she figures out what’s going on. I wonder if the physician can contact motor vehicle to help get the license suspended. My dad is actually really sharp at 85 but even so his driving skills are in decline. I have tried to approach the subject a few times with no luck so I feel for you. I did learn during these conversations that his biggest fear is losing autonomy. I see the day coming when we will need to be more forceful.

[Anonymous]

Take the keys, disable the car, remove the car - whatever it takes to get her to stop driving. She will scream and cry, but she will eventually get over it.

My mom is now 84 and has been in memory care for 3 years. When she was 80, she had a major incident where she went out driving and was gone for hours on end. She couldn’t find her way home so she pulled over on the side of the road, and just sat there until a passing police officer stopped to check whether she was okay. He ended up escorting her home and reported what happened to the director of the independent living facility where my mom was living at the time. The director called me and my brother and we immediately took the keys. She never drove again. She ranted and raved about it for a while, but then eventually made her peace with it.

A couple of months later, a bill came in the mail. Turns out my mom was on the NJ Turnpike that day and blew through the toll booth without paying. She had no idea where she was or what she was doing. It’s terrifying to think what could have happened.

[Anonymous]

My hope is that our generation that uses Uber and Lyft (and now Waymo) won’t be such pains in the ass when we hit that age.

I generally hate driving and can’t wait to just be able to call up a robo-car on my phone and go anywhere I want to go.

You still have your independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take the keys, disable the car, remove the car - whatever it takes to get her to stop driving. She will scream and cry, but she will eventually get over it.

My mom is now 84 and has been in memory care for 3 years. When she was 80, she had a major incident where she went out driving and was gone for hours on end. She couldn’t find her way home so she pulled over on the side of the road, and just sat there until a passing police officer stopped to check whether she was okay. He ended up escorting her home and reported what happened to the director of the independent living facility where my mom was living at the time. The director called me and my brother and we immediately took the keys. She never drove again. She ranted and raved about it for a while, but then eventually made her peace with it.

A couple of months later, a bill came in the mail. Turns out my mom was on the NJ Turnpike that day and blew through the toll booth without paying. She had no idea where she was or what she was doing. It’s terrifying to think what could have happened.

Thank you for taking responsibility and taking the keys immediately!! Glad she got home safely and didn't injure anyone!

[Anonymous]

“You’re right mom. Of course you can drive, we just need to get the car back from the shop. Until then, maybe I could drive you to the grocery store?”

[Anonymous]

When we were doing this with my mom, the car blessedly failed inspection. Which put an end to the driving. Good luck. None of it is easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, if your parent holds a Va DL, you can submit an anonymous request for a medical review. While you wait, the license is suspended.

Let me know if you want more details or info. Did this for my late mom.

This doesn't seem accurate to me. That means anyone can call DMV and report someone, saying they need a "medical review" and their license is automatically suspended?

I think someone (maybe you, PP) are on drugs that impair your ability to drive. I can call up DMV and tell them to suspend your license?

I don't know whether a stranger can call, but a doctor certainly can. And I actually think the way the statute is worded is that if DMV "becomes aware" of various problems with a person's ability to drive, it triggers a need for a medical review.

Hello - PP quoted and no, I’m not on drugs but thank you for your concern.

Read this:

Medical Review Services (MRS) is a team at DMV headquarters that reviews all cases where Virginia drivers may have a medical or visual condition that may impair driving ability, even temporarily. These conditions may include:

Level of consciousness
Seizures
Vision changes
Impairment of judgment or
Loss of motor functions
When the DMV learns that a Virginia resident has one of these conditions, the MRS Team will contact the customer to request information on their current medical state. This often requires the customer to schedule an appointment with their medical provider(s), where they will submit DMV-approved forms on the customers behalf. customers can typically satisfy MRS requirements with a primary care provider, but please check with your provider to be sure. Once the documentation arrives at DMV, our team of clinically trained nurses will use policies established in consultation with the Governor-appointed Medical Advisory Board combined with their clinical experience to reach a decision on the ability of the customer to safely operate a motor vehicle.

[Anonymous]

Punt to her doctor, that's what I did. At least this worked 10 years ago, when I spoke to mom's doctor who said he'd refer her to some special department the DC MVA has (hopefully not "had") specifically for testing people with mobility and other issues. Apart from the dementia there are other physical issues, like can she turn her head around far and fast enough to see what's behind her. Mom's doctor was willing to be the fall guy.

If not that, AARP used to have a resource, and maybe still does, where you figure out which of 10 reasons your parent wants to keep driving (ability to get around? the prestige of owning a car? etc) and then you solve the problem for them (Uber app, my inlaws took their dad's keys but let him keep the Benz so he could go for fantasy rides in his garage).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My hope is that our generation that uses Uber and Lyft (and now Waymo) won’t be such pains in the ass when we hit that age.

I generally hate driving and can’t wait to just be able to call up a robo-car on my phone and go anywhere I want to go.

You still have your independence.

I do suspect our generation and beyond will be easier to "give up the car keys". But for our parents, it's a foreign concept to ask for help/take an Uber.
My parents live in a CCRC where so much is available. They finally utilized the services for the agency to "drive them to a doctor appt", well they have to wait, so it was a 4 hour service, they had to book only 2 days before (based on avaialabity), and it cost $30. Money well spent. I'm working on convincing them to do this for more and more things. There are also shuttles to the local grocery stores. And instacart works in their area. But calling an Uber is harder. But so far I've shown them that they can get 99% of where they need to go/obtain things without driving. So far they've sold one car, and mostly only drive 2-3 miles. But working on them giving up the car, and it's hard

[Anonymous]

With my dad, who had Parkinsons and related dementia, we talked to his dr, who referred him to the state dmy (I don't know if all states do it this way) and also, we hid the keys. The state issued him a state ID in place of the lisence.
If he had been able to find the key (he could not) I would have disconnected the battery (he could not open the hood with his physical limitations).

I will say-every so often for the next several years until his passing, he'd ask me to take him to the dmv to get his lisence back! I would tell him the appointments took 3 months to get, and he'd promptly forget about it for months then ask me again.

OP, your mom shouldn't be driving, disable the car and just know she'll ask occasionally about it, and have a handy 'lie'.