Very down today about treatment by adult stepchildren

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a DH problem, not a step-kid problem.

This. Look, they have trauma and maybe hereditary mental illness. If you and your DH didn't take account of that in your parenting, that's on you. If you did and the outcome is still bad, well, that's just how it goes sometimes.

You and your DH had many years to parent them so you do have some ownership of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you do anything to help their mom or support them having some kind of safe relationship with her? What are some examples of them being self centered and mean? Do you also have biological children?

It’s definitely painful to love sacrificially and feel like you get kicked in the teeth for it. A lot of young adults act this way but grow out of it.

FU!

Are you ok? OP responded and didn’t have a problem. I’ve been supportive of OP in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the helpful responses, I am following the distancing recommendations. I think I am just lamenting the fact that things sometimes work out so badly, especially with the stepchildren issue. I don't know if I know anyone with a positive stepchild experience with a situation like ours, or maybe even any good stepchild situation. They did have a lot of issues, we did make sure they got counseling help and in one case substance abuse help but as they became adults they did not want to continue that. I think I am also just looking back over the many years of drama and feeling sad that things are still the same for them and with them.

[Anonymous]

My mother and two sisters married men with children.
The relationships over the years and now has been exhausting. No one really speaks nor gets along. Ehhh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the helpful responses, I am following the distancing recommendations. I think I am just lamenting the fact that things sometimes work out so badly, especially with the stepchildren issue. I don't know if I know anyone with a positive stepchild experience with a situation like ours, or maybe even any good stepchild situation. They did have a lot of issues, we did make sure they got counseling help and in one case substance abuse help but as they became adults they did not want to continue that. I think I am also just looking back over the many years of drama and feeling sad that things are still the same for them and with them.

Sometimes you just have to accept that it's not something you can fix.

When people marry a man and talk about how crazy his ex is, they need to be aware that his kids have half the genes of a crazy person and the experience of having a crazy mother, and that can have serious consequences. It seems like a lot of second wives don't open their eyes to that.

[Anonymous]

My advice to women is to never, ever, ever marry a man who has children. Never. No matter how old they are.

This is especially important if you have children of your own. You will find that your kids may accept your new partner but your man's kids will rarely, if ever, accept YOU.

Children have an instinctive loyalty bond to their mothers. That never goes away.

If you want a serious relationship then live together. Do not mix your finances. Make sure you always have your own place to return to or at least enough money earmarked to move out and start over again.

Do NOT have children with a man who has other children. You will forever be in a tug-of-war over who gets more attention, resources, etc. And this does not end when they become adults.

Read any posts on-line and you will see any woman who is in a "stepmother" position is hated. It doesn't matter who you are, what you do or don't do, it will never be right.

You will be the perpetual villain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice to women is to never, ever, ever marry a man who has children. Never. No matter how old they are.

This is especially important if you have children of your own. You will find that your kids may accept your new partner but your man's kids will rarely, if ever, accept YOU.

Children have an instinctive loyalty bond to their mothers. That never goes away.

If you want a serious relationship then live together. Do not mix your finances. Make sure you always have your own place to return to or at least enough money earmarked to move out and start over again.

Do NOT have children with a man who has other children. You will forever be in a tug-of-war over who gets more attention, resources, etc. And this does not end when they become adults.

Read any posts on-line and you will see any woman who is in a "stepmother" position is hated. It doesn't matter who you are, what you do or don't do, it will never be right.

You will be the perpetual villain.

+1000
It never works.. Sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice to women is to never, ever, ever marry a man who has children. Never. No matter how old they are.

This is especially important if you have children of your own. You will find that your kids may accept your new partner but your man's kids will rarely, if ever, accept YOU.

Children have an instinctive loyalty bond to their mothers. That never goes away.

If you want a serious relationship then live together. Do not mix your finances. Make sure you always have your own place to return to or at least enough money earmarked to move out and start over again.

Do NOT have children with a man who has other children. You will forever be in a tug-of-war over who gets more attention, resources, etc. And this does not end when they become adults.

Read any posts on-line and you will see any woman who is in a "stepmother" position is hated. It doesn't matter who you are, what you do or don't do, it will never be right.

You will be the perpetual villain.

Very good advice. My friends in second marriages mostly have bad marriages. Many get desperate and marry the guy with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice to women is to never, ever, ever marry a man who has children. Never. No matter how old they are.

This is especially important if you have children of your own. You will find that your kids may accept your new partner but your man's kids will rarely, if ever, accept YOU.

Children have an instinctive loyalty bond to their mothers. That never goes away.

If you want a serious relationship then live together. Do not mix your finances. Make sure you always have your own place to return to or at least enough money earmarked to move out and start over again.

Do NOT have children with a man who has other children. You will forever be in a tug-of-war over who gets more attention, resources, etc. And this does not end when they become adults.

Read any posts on-line and you will see any woman who is in a "stepmother" position is hated. It doesn't matter who you are, what you do or don't do, it will never be right.

You will be the perpetual villain.

+1000
It never works.. Sorry

This. And I can promise you that you will get thrown under the bus every. single. time. there is a problem with one of the step children. Women, just don't do it, not worth the agony.