Regrets or inputs about competitive sports for elementary kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Are you having a bad day? Feeling lonely? What is the possible benefit to calling the other poster “psychos” ?

Go take a Xanax and feel better.

You haven't met many travel parents. Most are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS attends one of the big 3 private schools, and he will likely plays varsity tennis there as the number one player on the team. It took so much time and money to get there, and knowing then what I know now, I am not sure I would do it again. YMMV.

I had a friend just like this growing up. Top 20 in his age group in the nation from 10 - 18. Number one player on Varsity for four years. Got to mid major D1 school on partial scholarship and had a 50/50 W/L record his freshman year. Played through college and graduated. Told me if he could do it over he would have rather had a normal high school and college experience and not have his entire life dictated by tennis from age 8.

I have a friend who played D1 tennis on a full scholarship and she didn't even introduce her kids to tennis because she has such a negative relationship to the sport as an adult.

[Anonymous]

OP I think it’s really important that you and your ex are on the same page about this if your ex is going to have your kid during any of the practice or competition times. I see a friend going through this with her ex. She wants to sign the kids up for multiple sports and do one at a more serious level and the ex is throwing up roadblocks. Basically refusing to take them to practices and games if there is more than one thing on the same day. Would probably never give up a weekend for a tournament or something. It seems to me like a way to try to exert control/power. The ex tries to convince the kids they don’t like/want to quit certain things because he doesn’t want to have to drive them there. If you have anything remotely close to this dynamic is going to cause a lot of stress and you kid will be caught in the middle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We also followed our kids' lead in sports, and they monopolized our time. I regret ever introducing hockey as a sport. It's a dead-end sport from this area and requires so much travel due to a lack of depth locally, and the practices and games are scheduled at weird times based on when ice is available. Also, the parents are a little nuts. It's the only sport I regret. Everything else has been enjoyable enough.

What do you mean by hockey is a dead-end sport? Can you elaborate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We also followed our kids' lead in sports, and they monopolized our time. I regret ever introducing hockey as a sport. It's a dead-end sport from this area and requires so much travel due to a lack of depth locally, and the practices and games are scheduled at weird times based on when ice is available. Also, the parents are a little nuts. It's the only sport I regret. Everything else has been enjoyable enough.

What do you mean by hockey is a dead-end sport? Can you elaborate?

Same with ice skating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS attends one of the big 3 private schools, and he will likely plays varsity tennis there as the number one player on the team. It took so much time and money to get there, and knowing then what I know now, I am not sure I would do it again. YMMV.

I had a friend just like this growing up. Top 20 in his age group in the nation from 10 - 18. Number one player on Varsity for four years. Got to mid major D1 school on partial scholarship and had a 50/50 W/L record his freshman year. Played through college and graduated. Told me if he could do it over he would have rather had a normal high school and college experience and not have his entire life dictated by tennis from age 8.

I have a friend who played D1 tennis on a full scholarship and she didn't even introduce her kids to tennis because she has such a negative relationship to the sport as an adult.

Well that’s not everyone’s experience

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We also followed our kids' lead in sports, and they monopolized our time. I regret ever introducing hockey as a sport. It's a dead-end sport from this area and requires so much travel due to a lack of depth locally, and the practices and games are scheduled at weird times based on when ice is available. Also, the parents are a little nuts. It's the only sport I regret. Everything else has been enjoyable enough.

What do you mean by hockey is a dead-end sport? Can you elaborate?

Same with ice skating

Why? Why dead-end? So many kids do ice hockey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS attends one of the big 3 private schools, and he will likely plays varsity tennis there as the number one player on the team. It took so much time and money to get there, and knowing then what I know now, I am not sure I would do it again. YMMV.

I had a friend just like this growing up. Top 20 in his age group in the nation from 10 - 18. Number one player on Varsity for four years. Got to mid major D1 school on partial scholarship and had a 50/50 W/L record his freshman year. Played through college and graduated. Told me if he could do it over he would have rather had a normal high school and college experience and not have his entire life dictated by tennis from age 8.

I have a friend who played D1 tennis on a full scholarship and she didn't even introduce her kids to tennis because she has such a negative relationship to the sport as an adult.

Well that’s not everyone’s experience

Well, that was my experience. I played D1 tennis at Duke and graduated in 2000. I did not play tennis again for another five years until I had kids. My oldest is a high school senior and he will play D1 tennis. If I had to do it over again, I would steer him to something like golf. I just don't think the juice is worth the squeeze with tennis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS attends one of the big 3 private schools, and he will likely plays varsity tennis there as the number one player on the team. It took so much time and money to get there, and knowing then what I know now, I am not sure I would do it again. YMMV.

I had a friend just like this growing up. Top 20 in his age group in the nation from 10 - 18. Number one player on Varsity for four years. Got to mid major D1 school on partial scholarship and had a 50/50 W/L record his freshman year. Played through college and graduated. Told me if he could do it over he would have rather had a normal high school and college experience and not have his entire life dictated by tennis from age 8.

I have a friend who played D1 tennis on a full scholarship and she didn't even introduce her kids to tennis because she has such a negative relationship to the sport as an adult.

Well that’s not everyone’s experience

Well, that was my experience. I played D1 tennis at Duke and graduated in 2000. I did not play tennis again for another five years until I had kids. My oldest is a high school senior and he will play D1 tennis. If I had to do it over again, I would steer him to something like golf. I just don't think the juice is worth the squeeze with tennis.

Dook used to suck

[Anonymous]

If you have the means, I would let your kid decide how much they want to do.

My kids was good at baseball (almost all sports really) and I loved baseball so I kept pushing him and playing him up until he found himself on a travel team with kids with kids he didn't know that were all at least a year older than playing against kids he never met.

Now he is playing other sports in high school and while he is polite about it, it is clear he will never step on a baseball diamond again. He is just sick of it and thinks of baseball as a job.

If your kid is athletic, he will naturally gravitate towards a sport he is extremely good at without any pushing on your part. There is too much low hanging glory and recognition for an athletic kid to ignore it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have the means, I would let your kid decide how much they want to do.

My kids was good at baseball (almost all sports really) and I loved baseball so I kept pushing him and playing him up until he found himself on a travel team with kids with kids he didn't know that were all at least a year older than playing against kids he never met.

Now he is playing other sports in high school and while he is polite about it, it is clear he will never step on a baseball diamond again. He is just sick of it and thinks of baseball as a job.

If your kid is athletic, he will naturally gravitate towards a sport he is extremely good at without any pushing on your part. There is too much low hanging glory and recognition for an athletic kid to ignore it.

ETA. There is a big RESET button that is pushed for all boys sometimes between 7th grade and 11th grade.
It's called puberty and it realigns everything.
My kid was maybe the best shortstop we saw at 10 but at 16 other kids are better at that position than him and he went from being an accurate but not overpowering pitcher to a 80+ mph pitcher and 3b.
But once again, he feels like baseball is a job, it's just not fun for him anymore. And I did that to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my kids did high level travel in elementary and middle school and we are very happy with that choice. I think it had 3 big benefits.

1. Fitness. All of my kids are in fantastic condition (much better than their non-travel peers)

2. Social skills & confidence. All of my kids have good social skills, can deal with authority and are appropriately self-confident. It also ensures a significant amount of time away from screens.

3. Parent child relationship. For us working with them on their sports “career” spending one on one time in hotels, and being with them as they went through their ups and downs was the best bonding that I can think of. Particularly with my youngest who was cut from a team and then working him to get in another team was a key event in his life. When things are hard for him now I will say to him remember getting cut? You survived that and you’ll survive this. You can’t get that anywhere else.

But with that said, as a parent you need to approach it with the right mindset. No matter how many opportunities you give them ultimately they have to be the ones to want it. Additionally, pursuing youth sports is no guarantee of athletic success or even continued interest in the sport. You have to look at it as a healthy activity not as a down payment on the future.

Good luck.

God damn, travel sports is like a cult for you Psychos.

I could never imagine looking at my son when dealing with a real adult problem and telling him "hey, remember when you got cut in 6th grade?"

Sports do teach a great deal of how to handle emotions, and they do so in a safe way. The idea is kids take that first hand knowledge and implement it elsewhere in their lives. Knowing you overcame something negative, even if its on a smaller scale, is exactly how you help yourself overcome bigger challenges.

Now you dont have to be on the top teams to get that experience. But you are more likely to encounter pressure and learn to deal with it the more competitive a team is.

I do believe lessons my kids learned in 6th grade sports will serve them well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All my kids did high level travel in elementary and middle school and we are very happy with that choice. I think it had 3 big benefits.

1. Fitness. All of my kids are in fantastic condition (much better than their non-travel peers)

2. Social skills & confidence. All of my kids have good social skills, can deal with authority and are appropriately self-confident. It also ensures a significant amount of time away from screens.

3. Parent child relationship. For us working with them on their sports “career” spending one on one time in hotels, and being with them as they went through their ups and downs was the best bonding that I can think of. Particularly with my youngest who was cut from a team and then working him to get in another team was a key event in his life. When things are hard for him now I will say to him remember getting cut? You survived that and you’ll survive this. You can’t get that anywhere else.

But with that said, as a parent you need to approach it with the right mindset. No matter how many opportunities you give them ultimately they have to be the ones to want it. Additionally, pursuing youth sports is no guarantee of athletic success or even continued interest in the sport. You have to look at it as a healthy activity not as a down payment on the future.

Good luck.

God damn, travel sports is like a cult for you Psychos.

I could never imagine looking at my son when dealing with a real adult problem and telling him "hey, remember when you got cut in 6th grade?"

Sports do teach a great deal of how to handle emotions, and they do so in a safe way. The idea is kids take that first hand knowledge and implement it elsewhere in their lives. Knowing you overcame something negative, even if its on a smaller scale, is exactly how you help yourself overcome bigger challenges.

Now you dont have to be on the top teams to get that experience. But you are more likely to encounter pressure and learn to deal with it the more competitive a team is.

I do believe lessons my kids learned in 6th grade sports will serve them well.

Agreed.

I also like the post of the 1-2-3 listing and I really thought it was well nuanced.

The poster talking about travel sports as being a cult- it really depends on the families in the cult with you.

Some teams are internally competitive vs externally competitive. If you join a cult where it is externally competitive- it’s fun. If it’s internally competitive it’s psychos because it messes up team dynamics.

And kids learn that. I know it’s weird. But my kids learned how to cooperate with other humans and compromise with others and themselves. The conversations about how to manage emotions and expectations have been challenging and important. And honestly- I would rather them learn these lessons now than in high school or beyond.

But back to knowing when to put your kid in travel…. This one is tricky.

We did not push our oldest. We were unfamiliar with the whole sports thing. He advocated and voiced a desire to do it on his own.

Our youngest, because she was dragged to everything, we asked if she wanted to do it when she was old enough to start. But it’s because then we were familiar with the system and realized if we didn’t try out at a younger age it would be difficult to join the same organization later.

Was it the right choice? For us, yes.

My big caveat now though is that with RTO: you need to keep in mind what is actually logistically feasible in the next few months.