What (free) incentives do your kids like?

[Anonymous]

We have rewards for kindness but not good behavior. My behavior challenged kid never struggles with basic kindness and it surprised me when we started keeping track how much he earned. I was so focused on the bad behavior I didn't see the good that was there. Our rewards are extra screen time, extra allowance, a new board game, a new book, going out for ice cream (everyone).

[Anonymous]

Trip to library

Not free but cheap: go have a pastry at a coffee shop before or after school

Extra playground time, especially post dinner

Also not free but cheap: thrift store trips and they get 10 to buy whatever they want

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trip to the bookstore! Encourages a love for reading. If funds are low, try used bookstores in the neighborhood.

Or the library...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trip to the bookstore! Encourages a love for reading. If funds are low, try used bookstores in the neighborhood.

Or the library...

Why would a trip to the library need to be earned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have rewards for kindness but not good behavior. My behavior challenged kid never struggles with basic kindness and it surprised me when we started keeping track how much he earned. I was so focused on the bad behavior I didn't see the good that was there. Our rewards are extra screen time, extra allowance, a new board game, a new book, going out for ice cream (everyone).

If he has a sibling, that’s extremely unfair to the good one.

Regardless, it’s your obligation to focus on his bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Special outing on the weekend, like ice skating, movie, Park District activity.

I couch it not as “You get to spend time with me if you’re good,” but rather if I have energy to do so (based on kid behavior), we will go. Either way we spend time together. But an ice skating trip is more of a treat than playing a board game at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have rewards for kindness but not good behavior. My behavior challenged kid never struggles with basic kindness and it surprised me when we started keeping track how much he earned. I was so focused on the bad behavior I didn't see the good that was there. Our rewards are extra screen time, extra allowance, a new board game, a new book, going out for ice cream (everyone).

If he has a sibling, that’s extremely unfair to the good one.

Regardless, it’s your obligation to focus on his bad behavior.

How is it unfair to the other sibling that they both are equally recognized for being kind? Of course we have consequences for bad behavior but we don't use a reward system for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea of them having to earn quality time with me bugs me. I'd get toys and call it a day.

I agree with this. Institute a family movie/board game night to spend time with your kids. Then do something different to incentivize good behavior.

+1. I'm not at all judgy about bribing kids to behave or what bribes are used... But something feels wrong to me about a kid having to earn playing a board game with their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trip to the bookstore! Encourages a love for reading. If funds are low, try used bookstores in the neighborhood.

Or the library...

Why would a trip to the library need to be earned?

OP set an almost impossible task. She has asked for rewards that are (1) not food, (2) free, and (3) not screen time. People are trying to meet that and it's genuinely hard.

If your kid is extra book-motivated, and extra trip to the library beyond your usual visit could work though. Or agreeing to go for a special event they enjoy but you don't, like a lego club or D&D club.

Our kid sometimes earns book downloads to her kindle with good behavior. I don't know if other people consider that screentime. We do require our kid to read most books in physical print and generally save the kindle for travel. So it's a special treat to her to get to download a book to the kindle and read it at home. There's an instant gratification element there too. Download might be from the library or could be from Amazon -- usually we check the library first if she's looking for a specific title and if it's not available we will pay for it as long as it's not too expensive (most kids books are pretty cheap on kindle).

[Anonymous]

Just a thought. Maybe the family time is not the incentive, but things around that - choosing a healthy snack, choosing the movie, deciding whether it's a streaming movie at home or a DVD from the library.