Leaving a tween alone at night + up to 8 hrs, multiple xs per week-- Maryland

[Anonymous]

I don't know what CPS would do here. It is legal to leave a tween alone, even if it's kind of ill-advised. Moreover, your sister turned down the offer to care for her own child, basically to teacher her ex a lesson.

No one looks good in this story.

Your sister's STBX has a hobby (I'm guessing acting) that he's trying to turn into a profession, if I'm guessing correctly. Again, that might be a bad idea, but family court is not going to tell him he can't pursue his passion even if it's a long-shot.

[Anonymous]

How sad for this child that neither parent wants to be around her. Your sister is just as much in the wrong for not taking her sick child and letting her be alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:CPS isn't going to do much. She needs to take the child full time, document it and go back to court.

+1
My kid is the same age and I would never leave her alone like that! Neglect is so emotionally scarring. I know because I was neglected like this. Deep in my bones I know I have no value. I can fake it, but I don't feel it. If your own parent don't love and care for you, then you are scarred for life.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why your sister doesn't take her daughter. It's the easiest, most obvious solution. If she can't and you're in the area, then you should. Work on custody simultaneously. Why can't people start with what's best for the kid and then move from there?

[Anonymous]

It’s a “hobby.” But he gets paid for it. But he’s unemployed.

I’m not even 1/4 of the way through your post and you have no credibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That poor little girl. If I were your sister, I would absolutely take my daughter instead of letting her stay by herself for 6-8 hours. WTF?

This. Your sister should take the kid whenever Dad wants. Yes, it sucks that he is unwilling to parent and earn money.

I did this. I offered DH 50/50 but he really didn't want it. I took the kids whenever he wanted. Ultimately, I ended up with full custody. It was terrible financially for me - a real burden on my ability to earn - but it was the best thing for the kids health, safety and well-being. I'm grateful to my whole family (parents and siblings) the way they supported me morally, socially and financially.

I hope you can all help your sister in various ways.

I would definitely NOT call CPS for this kind of negligence. That is opening the door to having CPS in your sister's life as well, because the first question they will ask is why did she refuse to take them.

You can let a man plant his seed, you can legally get a percent of his income
for child support, but it's impossible to make him parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:CPS isn't going to do much. She needs to take the child full time, document it and go back to court.

+1
My kid is the same age and I would never leave her alone like that! Neglect is so emotionally scarring. I know because I was neglected like this. Deep in my bones I know I have no value. I can fake it, but I don't feel it. If your own parent don't love and care for you, then you are scarred for life.

Just want to second the long term impact of neglect. It really has a horrible psychological impact. My now exDH did something similar with our kids - he got married (years after we separated) and would frequently have the kids for the weekend but then leave them home alone while he went out with his wife. The kids eventually refused to keep spending the night there. They are in college now and still see him, but they don't think very highly of him.

Your sister should take the kids whenever he asks and document it. She shouldn't move for full custody right away, nor child support change. She needs to build up a substantial pattern (at least a year) of the kids being with her.

[Anonymous]

I need to know the hobby. Is it photography? Guitar playing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister's STBX (MoCo) has decided he simply must pursue his hobby and has been leaving their kid alone at night until 11 pm++ on school nights, about 2-3x/week, almost every week. He also leaves the kid alone for most of the day on Saturday and/or Sunday. Child is 10. They have been splitting time 50/50, every other week.

He got a gig doing this for a couple of months. (Technically he does get paid for this hobby, but very little, like min wage or lower.) Meanwhile he's stayed unemployed since they first separated 2 years ago. I told her he's trying to get out of paying her child support, bc he used to make 3x what she makes. She's on food stamps by herself. But anyway.

He told her she could watch their kid when he was out, but she declined since she thought that would force him to figure out childcare. To be fair?? even though he was terrible to my sister, we all thought he was a great dad, and he stepped up in the past.

Well, I guess that's over now that they're definitely divorcing. No babysitter, no neighbors, just leaving the kid home alone. Now that the first gig is over, he's starting another gig. Same thing. He left the kid sick in bed and alone all day Saturday (week before last). When my sister took her for her week, she was sick enough she had to miss 3 days of school. She said kid only got 6-7 hours of sleep most of STBX's week.

Sister said she'd had enough and told her attorney. Lawyer recommended she take her kid when her STBX was at his gig from now on, on top of her own weeks, but that they should wait and see if he gets a THIRD gig before they ask for more than 50/50 custody.

This seems crazy to me. I say she should call CPS. I have a friend who's a mandatory reporter who said she would.

I know MD law says it's okay if she's 8 years old, but then I read where CPS says "not for long periods." He's leaving her 6-8 hours at a time, 3x a week or even more. Should I call CPS? Why isn't the lawyer more concerned?

I could understand if he needed to do this to put food on the table, but he's broke and instead of looking for a regular day job making $75/hr like he used to, he's basically getting paid $5/hr to neglect his kid.

The kid is responsible for her age, but this seems crazy inappropriate to me. Maybe neglect is a little strong-- I'm not worried she's going to die and I know we latchkey kids all survived the 80s. But what would you do?

that is so sad. No matter the antics, someone should supervise the child there is so much support she needs emotionally. These parents need to just step up and be the best parent possible. I would not take my kid to prove a point.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if this was posted before but I'm in the same situation so this may be a common thing. Ex leaves child home alone 2-3x a week all night to be with GF.