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Griping parents
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Anonymous
Big 3 employee here saying "thank you" to the PP. I pay a lot and expect a lot for my own children's private education, but I would never dream of speaking to anyone in her school the way that some parents address me. I suppose the fact is that I am indeed "hired help" here at the school. However, I do it (as do many others here) because I love the kids and our school's mission. My net worth is probably greater than many of yours, so please check your disdain at the door. Everyone here, from custodial staff to division heads, deserve respect. |
Anonymous
| Ooh, interesting side point on accents in Spanish programs. I want to hear more of what people think about this. |
Anonymous
| 11:44 And what if your net worth were low? Would you crumble in the face of this disrespectful behavior? |
Anonymous
| 11:44 I'll check my disdain when you check yours. |
Anonymous
| Lovin' the teacher talkin' trash (note alliteration)! I do notice that some of our school's teachers with wealth and/or big-time prior career accomplishments seem to get more respect from parents (although of course they are also very strong teachers). It is hard to pinpoint this, but I do think class/wealth plays a role in how SOME parents choose to interact with teachers/admin (not that this is an especially surprising thing). For example, a coach at our school had a prestigious prior business career--parents who don't know this will sometimes try to talk "down" to the coach (who is always gracious and never touts accomplishments). It has been fun to see some red faces when people recall their remarks... |
Anonymous
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Students and their parents are the consumers of the schools' services. There is never any excuse for impolite behavior, but that is wholly different from having high expectations. I pay a lot for my kids to attend a private school, and I expect the schools to perform. Just as I expect my dentist, doctor, lawyer, etc. to perform. And just as my clients expect me to perform. I do not want preferential treatment for myself or my children. I do, though, expect reasonable answers to questions, and for issues to be addressed. I have no idea why schools exempt themselves from the expectations set on other service providers, but it is frustrating.
FWIW, I would expect a lot of public schools as well, but to me the fact that I am paying for a school does make a difference in this regard. The schools my kids go to market themselves in a certain way, and I reasonably expect them to make good on their statements. No different from what is expected of me on the job. |
Anonymous
| 21:02, I wonder what you mean by phrases like "expect the school to perform" and "[expect for] issues to be addressed.". You might be very reasonable, but could also possibly be on the pain in the neck end of the spectrum, depending on how those phrases play out in reality. |
Anonymous
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I can imagine how much the parent who sees the school as a "provider" is regarded by the school. Ick. My feeling is that I chose the schools that are the best fit fit for my child and I will defer to their professional expertise the vast majority of time. Even if they make a call that I don't think is the best call, its their call to make. I only step in if there is a major problem, and that has been very rare. I don't have a teaching degree and I don't necessarily know whats best.
BTW, the schools tend to really like me because I respect them, and I think that benefits my kids. |
Anonymous
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I view the school as a partner working with me (and the other parents) to achieve a particular mission ... and the appropriate "fit" was determined by finding a school mission with which I largely agreed. I view the school staff as paid experts ... they do "work for me" as paid employees, but they also have much more expertise than me on child development, educational practices, and just the day to day of how MY child learns and is doing. So I think the key to good communication is an understanding of the relationship and of course mutual respect on all sides.
If a school seems to be doing something that is obviously counter to their stated mission ... then I start to get upset ... I would communicate to the extent I felt was appropriate, hopefully in a polite way. If I perceived that school staff worked and communicated more closely with higher net worth parents than lower net worth parents, then I would get upset, although frankly I have never observed anything like this ... maybe I am just naive. |
Anonymous
| PP again ... I do think I have observed the families of some rather unruly kids being treated with more deference and care, perhaps because they did not wish to take on a powerful family. But I would like to think that they are careful about how they communicate "less than positive" feedback on people's children in any case just because no parent is all that open to receiving such information. In fact, I often feel that I really have to press to get more "constructive" feedback about my own child ... I love hearing nice things about him during a conference, but I NEED to hear about the weaknesses too and I know they exist. So sugar-coating info given to paying customers is a problem sometimes. |
Anonymous
| 21:02 PP here. The types of issues that I've raised, always politely and only to the teacher or other person most involved have been (i) an unexpected increase in class size (ratios were important to us in choosing a school), (ii) a main teacher and a specials teacher I overheard speaking loudly enough to be easily overheard by kids about two kids who were applying out early, and (iii) a teacher pair who did not post information or send out the emails that are part of the information sharing practice between the parents and teachers at the school. The school is great, but sometimes there are gaps. I think it is useful for parents to let the school or the immediately involved individual know that parents care about an issue. My clients certainly feel free to ask questions and raise concerns, and sometimes it's quite useful, while sometimes a client is simply a PITA. I think it's all in the tone and the issues raised. I feel, though, that I her so much griping about the school by parents, but very little constructive feedback is given. Many parents seems almost afraid to raise issues or to ask questions. |
Anonymous
| Seems reasonable, 21:02. From the terminology (and bc it is generally true on DCUM) it sounds like your kids are of elementary school age. It may be that at the high school level you will either not know about issues as much (boys in particular often don't communicate much detail about school!) or opt to let some things go and/or let your child handle them, to foster independence. And, as you say, tone means a lot in giving constructive feedback. |
Anonymous
| I prefer the gripers. They're refreshing. |
Anonymous
Oh yeah - you're definitely in it for the kids.
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Anonymous
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For those who feel that they are the customers and should be treated as such: Don't you need to consider what your (implicit) contract covers? I expect my kids' school to provide them with a high quality education, a positive school experience, the opportunity to grow academically, athletically, socially, etc. If something is going wrong in one of those (big) areas, I expect the school to be responsive and work with me to fix it, and that is exactly what has happened, in multiple schools.
I don't feel, however, that "the customer is always right". I don't expect them to consult with me on choice of books (as long as the kids are learning), on the lunch menu (as long as there are some choices and the food is edible), on grades (as long as my kids receive constructive feedback and/or the opportunity to consult with teachers about how to improve). I don't expect the school to work around my personal schedule (as long as there are a mixture of daytime and evening events). I try to have a sense of proportion. It makes my life much more pleasant, and my outlook more positive. |