How to know when it's time to leave?

[Anonymous]

One thing I recently learned, talking to a fellow NE DC parent... DCI in 9th grade is a possibility in French, even if you have no previous language instruction!
I think we will move to Arlington if my kid can't get into Duke E., because my child's LD make a lot of the other options unattainable or untenable.
It will be a little tough, as rent there will be $1,000 or so a month more than our mortgage, and it's a little nervewracking to rent out your home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our liberal take is let it run out until it’s socially intolerable for your kid or there’s nothing they can learn at their school.

If we wanted segregation or higher rigor those things go together and are available to us but we choose not to take them until nothing is working.

This has served us through high school. We sympathize with those who have changed schools and ache for those who are going to have kids become underprepared adults.

Curious what kinds of schools you've sent your kids to.

We are at a Title 1 on the east side that has an ok middle school and terrible high school feed. We do not want segregation but we are getting it anyway just not in the way we expected -- if we stay then next year our older kid will be one of 3 non-black kids in the grade. We love the teachers and have found great families at the school and feel the academics are actually really solid even if the school itself has low test scores overall (we've found there is a cohort of kids on or above grade level in every class and the teachers so far have done a *great* job meeting these kids needs -- we really do not wind up having to supplement much at all though I feel that shifting for our older kid).

We feel like it's past time for us to move but got very unlucky in the lottery this past year so we're giving it another year. But what we're finding is that all our alternative options actually involve more integrated schools at least racially -- all the charters and other DCPS schools (and suburban schools if we wind up having to move) have very diverse racial demographics and still have substantial at-risk percentages though nowhere near as high as we have at our current school. I feel like if we stay we will wind up in a super segregated school population but just as super outliers.

Yeah, I laugh but worry we're so rare as to out ourselves if we explain who we are. We are in Ward 4 and middle school turned out to have teachers who care, teach well (a couple gems and a couple loser teachers too, which I expect is a widespread problem) and kids who got along with ours. Socially, our kids both fit in and do not in our communities depending on your lens because of their/our identities. In Middle School, the math differentiation was very helpful. For high school, we considered everything and were quite positive about the very specific programs at the local comprehensive high school, but it was hard to see our kids with kids who are very behind in every subject, hardly show up to school, and disruption being a social norm.

Chiming in to say this is our experience too (also Ward 4), a couple of years behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You do the lottery every year and leave when you have a number good enough to get access to the middle school you want.

I think it’s this. You can overthink it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do the lottery every year and leave when you have a number good enough to get access to the middle school you want.

I think it’s this. You can overthink it.

Unless you’re okay with moving (or your IB or applying to privates), you have to play the lottery every year. I’ve seen many families at our stronger than on paper Title 1 wait until middle school then seem surprised when the lottery didn’t work out. Then they’re scrambling for the best of the available options or house hunting while their kid spends sixth grade at the IB.

[Anonymous]

/\ and I’ll add, some kids do fine at the IB middle school. They’re with friends and for various reasons don’t need or want challenging academics. They are the kids that were totally unfazed by behavioral issues and classroom disruptions in elementary. The ones that come home complaining or show signs of stressed do not do well in a low income middle school. Even if they have friends and supportive teachers. This is a know your child call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do the lottery every year and leave when you have a number good enough to get access to the middle school you want.

I think it’s this. You can overthink it.

Unless you’re okay with moving (or your IB or applying to privates), you have to play the lottery every year. I’ve seen many families at our stronger than on paper Title 1 wait until middle school then seem surprised when the lottery didn’t work out. Then they’re scrambling for the best of the available options or house hunting while their kid spends sixth grade at the IB.

Yeah, this. Not getting a lottery spot in 5th leads to an extremely stressful and potentially expensive year. But if you play every year, you'll likely get a good spot at some point.

[Anonymous]

There is not one right answer for everyone. You can stay through 4th/5th and enjoy the short commute. But it depends on how anxious you are and also how desperate you are to avoid the IB middle school at all costs. Check out my school to understand what middle school lottery waitlists look like. Are there any middle schools you would be reasonably okay with that nearly clear their waitlist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On paper, our neighborhood school is not great. The test scores are on the lower end of middling and the chronic absenteeism rate is surprisingly high. And yet ... my experience so far has been invested teachers, responsive admin, engaged parents across the socioeconomic spectrum, happy kids. I've encountered several parents of kids in upper grades still full of enthusiasm for the school.

What am I missing? And how will I know when it's time to leave?

My main concerns are:
- Our IB middle is a non-starter
- I want my kids to continue to be engaged (ideally challenged) in learning and prepared for middle school

If your kid is doing well, and you are happy, stay. I wish we had done so rather than chasing a better school because DCUM said our neighborhood school was bad and charters/upper NW schools were so much better. Turns out for us sticking with the neighborhood school was better.

You do need a plan for middle school. If your IB school is not good, then you will either need to to move or have lottery luck. We are lucky that for us we had the flexibility and finances to be able to move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On paper, our neighborhood school is not great. The test scores are on the lower end of middling and the chronic absenteeism rate is surprisingly high. And yet ... my experience so far has been invested teachers, responsive admin, engaged parents across the socioeconomic spectrum, happy kids. I've encountered several parents of kids in upper grades still full of enthusiasm for the school.

What am I missing? And how will I know when it's time to leave?

My main concerns are:
- Our IB middle is a non-starter
- I want my kids to continue to be engaged (ideally challenged) in learning and prepared for middle school

If your kid is doing well, and you are happy, stay. I wish we had done so rather than chasing a better school because DCUM said our neighborhood school was bad and charters/upper NW schools were so much better. Turns out for us sticking with the neighborhood school was better.

You do need a plan for middle school. If your IB school is not good, then you will either need to to move or have lottery luck. We are lucky that for us we had the flexibility and finances to be able to move.

Adding that reading DCUM significantly raises stress levels and anxiety around school, either public or private!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing I recently learned, talking to a fellow NE DC parent... DCI in 9th grade is a possibility in French, even if you have no previous language instruction!
I think we will move to Arlington if my kid can't get into Duke E., because my child's LD make a lot of the other options unattainable or untenable.
It will be a little tough, as rent there will be $1,000 or so a month more than our mortgage, and it's a little nervewracking to rent out your home.

My kid had a lottery number in the top third of the draw for 9th grade this year and didn't get into DCI French. So while it's possible, the odds are still low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On paper, our neighborhood school is not great. The test scores are on the lower end of middling and the chronic absenteeism rate is surprisingly high. And yet ... my experience so far has been invested teachers, responsive admin, engaged parents across the socioeconomic spectrum, happy kids. I've encountered several parents of kids in upper grades still full of enthusiasm for the school.

What am I missing? And how will I know when it's time to leave?

My main concerns are:
- Our IB middle is a non-starter
- I want my kids to continue to be engaged (ideally challenged) in learning and prepared for middle school

If your kid is doing well, and you are happy, stay. I wish we had done so rather than chasing a better school because DCUM said our neighborhood school was bad and charters/upper NW schools were so much better. Turns out for us sticking with the neighborhood school was better.

You do need a plan for middle school. If your IB school is not good, then you will either need to to move or have lottery luck. We are lucky that for us we had the flexibility and finances to be able to move.

And by need a plan for middle school, you need to be saving for a down payment on a different house and socializing that idea with your kids. Give yourself option value so that if you have to move, you can do it on as close to your family’s terms as possible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On paper, our neighborhood school is not great. The test scores are on the lower end of middling and the chronic absenteeism rate is surprisingly high. And yet ... my experience so far has been invested teachers, responsive admin, engaged parents across the socioeconomic spectrum, happy kids. I've encountered several parents of kids in upper grades still full of enthusiasm for the school.

What am I missing? And how will I know when it's time to leave?

My main concerns are:
- Our IB middle is a non-starter
- I want my kids to continue to be engaged (ideally challenged) in learning and prepared for middle school

If your kid is doing well, and you are happy, stay. I wish we had done so rather than chasing a better school because DCUM said our neighborhood school was bad and charters/upper NW schools were so much better. Turns out for us sticking with the neighborhood school was better.

You do need a plan for middle school. If your IB school is not good, then you will either need to to move or have lottery luck. We are lucky that for us we had the flexibility and finances to be able to move.

Adding that reading DCUM significantly raises stress levels and anxiety around school, either public or private!

Huh. That was not the case for me. If people are even discussing a school (negatively), I know that it a couple of years it'll be doing well. When I sent my kid to DCI years ago, people were just starting to very cautiously talk about it (mostly how they wouldn't send their kids there). It's not that what they said was way off, it's just that people on here tend to focus on the negatives (I think it's easier to criticize, and those negatives are less detailed/self-identifying), so whatever is not being mentioned is just as useful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On paper, our neighborhood school is not great. The test scores are on the lower end of middling and the chronic absenteeism rate is surprisingly high. And yet ... my experience so far has been invested teachers, responsive admin, engaged parents across the socioeconomic spectrum, happy kids. I've encountered several parents of kids in upper grades still full of enthusiasm for the school.

What am I missing? And how will I know when it's time to leave?

My main concerns are:
- Our IB middle is a non-starter
- I want my kids to continue to be engaged (ideally challenged) in learning and prepared for middle school

If your kid is doing well, and you are happy, stay. I wish we had done so rather than chasing a better school because DCUM said our neighborhood school was bad and charters/upper NW schools were so much better. Turns out for us sticking with the neighborhood school was better.

You do need a plan for middle school. If your IB school is not good, then you will either need to to move or have lottery luck. We are lucky that for us we had the flexibility and finances to be able to move.

And by need a plan for middle school, you need to be saving for a down payment on a different house and socializing that idea with your kids. Give yourself option value so that if you have to move, you can do it on as close to your family’s terms as possible

Agreed. We talked with our kids honestly about the options and the possibility of moving, of the middle school lottery process, and what level of engagement we expected from the kids (in terms of making a decision together, but with parent taking the responsibility, obviously). We ended up not moving, but it was definitely on the table for a while.

[Anonymous]

interesting to see just how divergent this thread is. The parents who are all in on the "starter house" and "starter schools" and the no-budge-parents, and the ones trying to be ready to jump at a moment's notice.

[Anonymous]

If you don't want the middle school, and you can make a commute work (even if it sucks), then go ASAP. We were trying to wait til 3rd or 4th, to keep our easy walk to school. But kiddo is "deeply feeling" and had a hard time in the environment, which combined with an overwhelmed and insensitive first grade teacher, pushed us out sooner.

Wasn't expecting the school environment to fix things entirely, but a month into the year at the new school (a Hardy feeder) and we are going to stop the therapy she was doing for anxiety, nightmares, and school refusal.

I also am really enjoying a parent community that is boosting Hardy - lots of her classmates have big siblings there now. It's nice knowing that a lot of her classmates will be with her from now until then. Middle school is hard socially no matter where you go, but I never really considered how much better it would be to start it with friends. Getting a spot at a feeder to a middle school you like (or at least don't hate) now could make a big difference.