How to deal with college son ghosting family over girlfriend

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen this movie. OP doesn’t like the idea of a gf, any gf, for her baby boy. He is ‘too young’ for such a ‘serious relationship.’ And the gf is ‘taking him away from the family’ (aka only the mom really GAF but she will circle the family wagons around the offense while she can). What OP doesn’t realize is that every poor, selfish choice she makes - crying, manipulating, power playing the immediate situations has a deleterious effect. She may win some short term battles. But she is pushing her son further and further away. And she loses big time in the end. Roll credits.

[Anonymous]

Op you should never ask the women here a question and expect a response other than everything in the son's life is your fault and the SO is a saint that you abuse. Likely your son is dating a women similar to the ones here and she is making him ice you and the rest of the family out because there is only room enough for her in his world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you should never ask the women here a question and expect a response other than everything in the son's life is your fault and the SO is a saint that you abuse. Likely your son is dating a women similar to the ones here and she is making him ice you and the rest of the family out because there is only room enough for her in his world.

I don’t think healthy 20 year olds operate with such malice, especially not as a going in strategy. However, young adults these days are far less tolerant of toxic BS from anyone including other people’s parents. And that’s what I sense in OPs post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my DD is dating your son OP! Let’s see, why is your son choosing her, the gf who he loves, over you and your childish, guilt-tripping, victimized behavior. 🤔 hmmmmm. Couldn’t say. But you’re making your bed! Nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey, good-bye!

Seriously? This is the person you want dating your daughter? You sound immature and believe me, your daughter will just be the mother he's always wanted and deserved because he's the real victim. That is until your daughter becomes one. Hate begets hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op you should never ask the women here a question and expect a response other than everything in the son's life is your fault and the SO is a saint that you abuse. Likely your son is dating a women similar to the ones here and she is making him ice you and the rest of the family out because there is only room enough for her in his world.

You know that a woman can't "make" him ice anyone out, right? That it is his own choice? Interesting that you blame women for a mans behavior though. Very red pill, very tate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my DD is dating your son OP! Let’s see, why is your son choosing her, the gf who he loves, over you and your childish, guilt-tripping, victimized behavior. 🤔 hmmmmm. Couldn’t say. But you’re making your bed! Nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey, good-bye!

Seriously? This is the person you want dating your daughter? You sound immature and believe me, your daughter will just be the mother he's always wanted and deserved because he's the real victim. That is until your daughter becomes one. Hate begets hate.

A little taunting is not hate ffs. You need to calm down.

[Anonymous]

What happened before that? Is this a girlfriend you've met, a new one from college...?

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised by these responses-sure, op’s probably at fault here but let’s not forget unhealthy teen relationships do exist! I have a niece who was in a toxic relationship and while there wasn’t a dynamic of her “choosing him over her family” it was messed up and controlling. I’m willing to believe there’s at least a possibility OP’s son could be in a relationship like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this movie. OP doesn’t like the idea of a gf, any gf, for her baby boy. He is ‘too young’ for such a ‘serious relationship.’ And the gf is ‘taking him away from the family’ (aka only the mom really GAF but she will circle the family wagons around the offense while she can). What OP doesn’t realize is that every poor, selfish choice she makes - crying, manipulating, power playing the immediate situations has a deleterious effect. She may win some short term battles. But she is pushing her son further and further away. And she loses big time in the end. Roll credits.

Has op actually said any of this?

[Anonymous]

Have you met the young lady?

[Anonymous]

Haha am I the only one who thought it meant like, they’re boning so much he’s too busy to text?

[Anonymous]

I understand, OP.
It’s hurtful. It reflects very poorly on the GF. Alienating him from his family is not a good sign. I wonder if his friends are having the same issue with him?
I’d tell him what I see and how it makes me feel, and what I’d prefer to see. Then I’d let him suggest some solutions. Finally, I’d let him know that if he is making a life independently with GF, he needs to understand what that entails- is he ready for that financial responsibility of that independence ?
It’s not about choice, it’s about respect (towards you) and freedom (his)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by these responses-sure, op’s probably at fault here but let’s not forget unhealthy teen relationships do exist! I have a niece who was in a toxic relationship and while there wasn’t a dynamic of her “choosing him over her family” it was messed up and controlling. I’m willing to believe there’s at least a possibility OP’s son could be in a relationship like that.

I think what set off alarm bells in the OP was that she was not worried about her son. At all. She was more worried that he didn't realize he was hurting HER. That's the rub that normally gives crazy people away. If she had written something that showed an ounce of concern about her child, not just herself, posters might have reacted differently.

Also telling that she never came back.

[Anonymous]

No Op, we don't understand. You have made it impossible to understand.

Give details

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Son has not responded to any communication since the Fall semester started. In his mind, he is choosing girlfriend over family. He probably has no idea how much hurt he has inflicted on us and his siblings. Not sure what to do.

Pretty sure your son is making a conscious choice here. Not to intentionally inflict harm on you, but he is avoiding you for sure. And yes he knows it. Does he have a reason to avoid contact with you?