Balancing Senior Living Choices / Dementia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom, recently diagnosed with mild dementia, lives out of state. Looking at senior living options for her to move to DC area. (me moving to where she lives is not an option) She is mostly independent now but could use help with meals, transportation, and social engagement. By no means does she seem eager to move, but being closer to me would be an incentive.

Thankfully, she has enough in savings and home equity to pay for senior living. Problem is, at what price and for how long? She loves the neighborhood where I live now, and there is a senior living option nearby but it is very expensive. Paying for it for a few years would not be a problem. But thinking about more than that starts to stress me out as I can't afford to supplement if she get close to running out of money.

One view in family is that the extra expense is more worth it *now* while she would still benefit the most from the social engagement and being close to me. The view of these family members is that I could always move her to a more affordable place further out (even if it would be difficult for me to get to visit often) if she lives longer -- that by that point she may not know who I am or where she is, so it will not matter where she is living at that point.

Curious if anyone has been there and has thoughts on how realistic or not this view is of how things may play out over time.


It's really important to be close when she is especially in need. There are so many problems with nursing homes that it's very important to be on site as much as possible to make sure care is adequate when your loved one can't report or assess their needs.

[Anonymous]

Near you assisted living. Spend down and she’ll go into a long term care Medicaid bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Near you assisted living. Spend down and she’ll go into a long term care Medicaid bed.

Also, don't simply assume that she will get in to the nice nearby place that you have in mind. The management there may do long-term planning and be hesitant to take someone whose money may run out before they die. I don't know this to be the case, but you should check in advance.

[Anonymous]

To the PP, what’s the great CCC in McLean? My parents are searching and this would be incredibly helpful to know.

Agree with near you assisted living and meeting with a lawyer/accountant to sort out finances asap OP. The earlier the better.

[Anonymous]

Assisted living near you now. Make sure there is a decent memory care onsite if possible. Move while she can still adjust and ensure that you take over finances etc.

I moved my mom 2 years ago when she had mild cognitive decline (although I think it was worse than I thought).. She’s now fully mid stage and headed for memory care in the next year.

I can’t anticipate if she will outlive her money but am doing the best I can now.it would have been good to have caught her decline 200k in scams earlier.

[Anonymous]

1. Any move from her home will result in progression of the disease.

2. Consider involving her in a senior center near her that may offer daily activities and meals, transportation or a day program.

3. I’d keep her in her home as long as possible and get caregivers to come in.