Is it normal not to have a best friend in adulthood?

[Anonymous]

I have plenty of good friends, some really good friends but I don’t think I have a best friend. We have moved a bunch of times over the years and that’s partly the cause. On the other hand my husband is really my best friend followed by my three adult children who all live within 45 minutes of us.

[Anonymous]

I have different friends from different parts of my life and different interests. Friends related to kid stuff, friends related to hobbies, some friends that go way back from grad school, etc… I think having a best friend would be nice but for me, not very possible. You would need proximity, a lot of time, and a lot of shared interests… like children have best friends because they’re always together for like hours everyday in school, activities, etc.

[Anonymous]

I have a lot of close friends and one I would call a “best friend” in the sense that she is my chosen sister. We have been friends for 25 years now and talk multiple times a day- although we trade video messages bc with jobs and kids, it’s difficult to get each other on the phone the same time. We are also texting throughout the day. She’s my closest confidante- in some ways she knows more than my spouse just bc we tell each other everything. We also vacation together with our families every year and our kids are all really close - they consider each other family. We don’t live close but our kids keep in touch too. I don’t take any of it for granted and I am grateful every day for this friendship.

[Anonymous]

I've been friends with the person I consider my best friend for over 40 years (I'm 47). We went through school together, were college roommates, she was my maid of honor, etc. But I see and talk to her less than I do my neighborhood friends because of proximity. I don't think a best friend is a necessity--I just got lucky that we've always remained close.

[Anonymous]

It's more normal not to.
I think it's strange when I hear a middle aged person refer to their "best friend".

[Anonymous]

DH is my best friend - one whom I trust the most. I’m an introvert, so I don’t have a lot of close friends; however, I do have work colleagues I like and with whom I chat on a daily basis. I don’t think I’m weird — just self-aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is a best friend anyway?
- I don’t share personal, private marital things with anyone outside of my spouse
- I don’t share gossip about other people, barring the occasional share with my spouse
- I have many neighbors to call for an emergency ride / cup of sugar, out of location convenience not because they are my best friends
- I spend the most of my time with my work colleagues and children, out of obligation not choice

I guess a best friend is someone you would choose to spend time with? But time isn’t our own, after all.

So where do you go when you need advice about how to deal with your spouse?

DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have a best friend nor frankly any really good friends. Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me because I don’t feel the need to make any and don’t make any effort to get closer to the friends I have. But with a full time job, 2 kids, a husband and a mom who is local and who I am very close to….i have plenty of close relationships. Interested in what others have to say. I’m 48.

I’m pretty much the same. I socialize with the parents of my kids friends on a very surface level but don’t consider them friends. I have some old and dear friends who live far away and I’m not the best about staying in touch. My life doesn’t feel lacking.

[Anonymous]

These responses are interesting. I relate more to the “introverted, DH is best friend, family provides the closeness I seek” crowd. I do miss having close female friends and I’ve spent years lamenting that I don’t have them anymore. And it’s hard to make new close friends in middle age, they always seem to hover at surface level.

However, I don’t know that I want to actually make room for close friendships outside of family right now. So I asked myself if I’m truly desiring these friendships or just missing a certain time in my life or just being hard on myself because I think I’m supposed to have them and therefore something is wrong with me. For me, I’m actually happy with the way things are and I’ve stopped judging myself for not having “the other”. It’s liberating.

[Anonymous]

I have three or four women I am close to but they all have a separate "friend group" that they do things like vacation with. I have never had a friend group and I feel funny about that. The friend groups date back to teenage years and I guess that can't be replicated in adulthood.

[Anonymous]

I feel like for most people, their partner is their best friend which makes sense. I have a good number of other friends in my life but none of them are a bff.

[Anonymous]

No - have realized that having friends isn't a priority for me. I'm often stressed or disappointed. Situational acquaintances are fine for me. I enjoy my own friendship.
ymmv

[Anonymous]

I still have the same best friend from middle school but we live in different states. My other best friend ( yes I have two) is from college. Whenever something is going on with me I reach out to them. We may not see each other often but I feel close to them. In order to answer the question we need to define what a best friend is?

[Anonymous]

I have two and I"m 49. I'm married x 20 years.
One is local. I met her when our kids (now in 11th grade) were in PK. We text every day (often 3 or 5 times a day), talk about every other day and see each other a number of times each week.
The second I've known since i was 21 (met in grad school). She has lived overseas for almost 20 years. We see each other yearly for a weekend away and we've texted every-other day for years. Most recently we've started sharing Whats App messages instead. I'll leave a 10 minute message, she'll leave one in return.

I only have a brother but I really think I was meant to have a sister. As I don't I've basically created these relationships. There is nothing I couldn't tell these women. I'm also fairly close to my mom and I now have 2 teens daughters that I love spending time with. I hope we're friends as adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have friends for different reasons and things and needs and interests and contexts. But no bestie. Is this unusual? Sometimes it makes me sad.

Just means that you are a mature adult.

I went to an LAC several decades ago. There is a group of five women from my class who meet up at least twice a year and flood the alumni journal with photos of their meetings. I feel sad for them in the sense that they have not really grown much socially since college several decades ago. seems pathetic & self absorbed.