Assisted living for 93 y/o with dementia?

[Anonymous]

It’s unlikely she will be accepted into assisted living. However there is a wide range of memory care. My mom is in AL but we chose this place because the memory care is not horrible.’everyone has a private room; they do outings, activities etc. there is a wide range of cognitive function from folks who seem pretty with it in that they can read and converse but have absolutely no short term memory to people who are non verbal. and true that the floors are locked to prevent wandering. But they tend to group people by ability/level and try to keep people engaged , painting, games, animal visits, music etc.

[Anonymous]

ALF is fine if she is not an elopement risk.

[Anonymous]

My mom has dementia and lives in assisted living for the past two years and she is almost 88 y.o.. It is a smaller non-profit. They have a set price and don't change the price depending on the level of care. She is not a wanderer. I've seen others there that are not exactly with it. I'm hoping I can keep her there long term. They have activities that she picks and chooses what she wants to participate in. Memory care is extremely expensive. Your mom is 93 y.o. she may not be a flight risk in the long run. How long has she had dementia? What signs is she exhibiting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think memory care is not a good fit?

OP here. Memory care settings lack privacy and residents with a wide range of behaviors are grouped together in large communal spaces. My grandmother would absolutely hate it. She may not know what day it is or what she ate for breakfast, but she knows that she doesn't want to be forced to sit in a locked room all day with a bunch of other people. She has always been a solitary person, happiest at home with a good book and a dog at her feet. Many memory care settings also seem to have programming designed to keep residents active and engaged. She would hate this too. She just wants to be left in peace. I understand that the activities are meant to enhance quality of life and have benefits, but at 93 years old, the value of this type of therapeutic programming is pretty limited. If I'm wrong about memory care, please correct me. But this is what I deduced by researching programs online.

My mom is in her own private 2 room apartment in memory care. All memory cares are not locked floors filled w/ rows of beds. There is a wide range of cognitive function among the residents living there and the floor is locked, so they don’t walk out the front door, but there are absolutely memory care floors where she can live in her own space.

OP, I'd suggest memory care and to speak with the social worker at the hospital for suggestions in her area. Go tour some places. AL will not offer the needed support. You may be able to hire to fill the gaps but some AL will not allow that. You could also hire 24/7 caregivers at home but that is also very expensive too. You will have to put alarms on doors, she will begin to wander at some point, it is part of the disease and a safety issue.

Btw the therapeutic programing is to try to counter the effects of dementia to the extent possible, many use things like music therapy to connect with residents. Interaction is important.

Best to you and your grandmother and family. It is very difficult.

[Anonymous]

I would contact “Owl Be There” or “A Place for Mom” (placement agencies that would cost you nothing) and tell them all about your grandmother and her personal preferences; they should be able to find a memory care that offers more privacy. Many of these facilities try their best to accommodate the personalities and preferences of their residents, if at all possible. I worked in a memory care where some residents remained in their room all day while others participated in various activities.

[Anonymous]

Btw, if your grandmother returns to her baseline after rehab, or close to it, she might be able to go to an ALF, without memory care. The “group homes” will be less social and more quiet, with fewer activities and the setting is usually in a home in a residential neighborhood. The residents sometimes get more individual attention in these places as well (and they usually cost less than a larger facility). You can find these through the placement agencies I mentioned above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think memory care is not a good fit?

OP here. Memory care settings lack privacy and residents with a wide range of behaviors are grouped together in large communal spaces. My grandmother would absolutely hate it. She may not know what day it is or what she ate for breakfast, but she knows that she doesn't want to be forced to sit in a locked room all day with a bunch of other people. She has always been a solitary person, happiest at home with a good book and a dog at her feet. Many memory care settings also seem to have programming designed to keep residents active and engaged. She would hate this too. She just wants to be left in peace. I understand that the activities are meant to enhance quality of life and have benefits, but at 93 years old, the value of this type of therapeutic programming is pretty limited. If I'm wrong about memory care, please correct me. But this is what I deduced by researching programs online.

Residents aren't forced to engage in programs as far as my experience goes. If anything, they were left pretty much alone and could choose to be alone or sit in a "living room" or even outside on a secure porch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would contact “Owl Be There” or “A Place for Mom” (placement agencies that would cost you nothing) and tell them all about your grandmother and her personal preferences; they should be able to find a memory care that offers more privacy. Many of these facilities try their best to accommodate the personalities and preferences of their residents, if at all possible. I worked in a memory care where some residents remained in their room all day while others participated in various activities.

Didn't A Place for Mom just get called out for deleting bad reviews and faking good reviews?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, there are no good options. If you want her in an institution they will insist on memory care and it will most likely suck

Try to keep her at home and up the number of hours

Personally I’d rather die from a fall at home than be locked in memory care

New poster here.

It's not just about the elderly person with dementia though. People with dementia can be dangerous to others. What if she starts lighting the stove and causing fires? That would not just burn down her home, but potentially neighbors' houses if she lives in apartments/townhomes or even just houses that are very close together. What if a firefighter gets injured or even dies while responding to the fire?
OP's family needs to think beyond just what her grandmother wants.

And honestly at a certain point, its really not what they want but is best for them and the family. My elderly parent would love nothing more than to live at home with no care except her immediate family members and also not pay for it. That is no longer on the menu.