Inappropriate Coworkers

[Anonymous]

I believe it happens. It happened to me when I was younger and I'm not pretty at all: there are just a lot of guys who like to make young women uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All men are disgusting pigs, IMO. It doesn't matter how great of a husband they are to you or how great of a father they are to your kids, in the end, they all have these tendencies.

I would look for WOB or WSOB and look for a job with one of those.

I think what "invites" it is that you are quiet and non-assertive. I used to be like that but worked on it in therapy. Establishing firm boundaries is key in any work environment. I'd recommend speaking with a therapist to learn some mechanisms you can employ in future jobs. They are simple things like "John, please do not touch me. I know a pat on the back is a friendly gesture, but I don't find it appropriate at work." And then after verbally stating that, send an email later to him stating the same thing. That way even if you do have to go to HR later, you have proof of the times you asked for the behavior to stop. Or if you're too anxious to speak in person to stop the behavior, immediately send an email after he leaves your desk. "John, I did not appreciate the way you touched me on the back earlier. I found it inappropriate for the workplace. Please see that this doesn't happen again."

I am really starting to believe this. My own freaking parents have a 27 year age gap.

When I worked in a literal NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) there were fathers hitting on me, while their wives and very sick newborns were feet away in a hospital room.

One of the dads was very tall and attractive too (I even thought his wife was more beautiful than me), and yet he made excuses to come harass and intimidate me at my desk. I think my demeanor is weak and pathetic or something. Because men seem to get off on power tripping over me. And I’m not even that short, I’m almost 5’7. Yet these creepy fathers would be calling me pretty and saying stuff like “you don’t have to be afraid of me” or commenting on how “nervous” I was…all while their clueless wives who just birthed their children were feet away.

I also worked a retail job where I was exposed to the true depravity of men. If I so much as smiled at an old man, they would get extremely inappropriate and some (old enough to be my grandfather) started to bring me chocolates and call me “cute” while I was trapped at my desk.

One man did say “I thought I could get away with it with you” after he harassed me…so I feel like there is something about me that invites this behavior. Because I’ve seen women with similar attractiveness to me (or even more beautiful) not receive the same level of aggressive harassment. Ive been told that I lack assertiveness too. I just hurts that even the “nice” guys who are ostensibly trustworthy eventually get all creepy and leery with me. I don’t trust the vast majority of men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have to wonder if this is all in your head. I've known people who are convinced that everyone is flirting with them and everyone wants them. If this is happening literally everywhere you go, seems like you could be making it up

Normally I would be very wary of saying something like this given how rampant misogyny is in the workplace and elsewhere, but with this OP — I’m thinking the same thing you are.

+1. I was with you 100% until you said Catholic priests hit on you. I’m a 50 year old lifelong Catholic woman, with a family member that attended a Catholic college with young seminarians. You are not what they are interested in. And again, I’m Catholic so don’t come at me with your bigot bs.

Are you joking, a whole group of Catholic priests were harassing me. They’re all weirdos. One in particular would wink at me, stare at my body all the time, call me “cute” and constantly pressure me to come to his office alone with him (where he would touch my lower back) and flirt with me. And I literally thought most of them were closeted lol. One of them was very aggressive towards me, and I don’t know if it was fueled by his misogyny but this man was almost 30 years older than me and was constantly touching me without permission and staring at my body or asking me if I was a cheerleader when I was in school. I really really have lost faith that there are any good men. I have seen real depravity from all of them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is a hot 20 something on this mom forum?
Also, no one describes their own hair as "bleach blonde". They would say "platinum" or "champagne" or something like that.
This is a troll to make middle aged moms feel bad about themselves.

So you’re jealous that I’m harassed and intimidated and degraded everywhere I go. I had to quit my job because the harassment was getting so aggressive and out of control. It happened when my hair was brown too, but blonde made people have even less respect for me. I feel like they get off on humiliating me and no one takes me seriously

[Anonymous]

I believe you as I've seen this happen. I think what happens is that you/a person gets harassed once and it sucks so then you have a valid fear of getting harassed again but certain people can sense that fear and it makes them want to harass you. It's like a victim smell that only creepy guys can smell but once you have it it is very hard to shake. Idk what the solution is but I've seen it happen to various people in my public service job over the years.

[Anonymous]

I was a nanny all throughout my 20s and I had a lot of similar issues with dads! Some of the stuff they tried to pull still haunts me. Some men are pigs. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Perhaps you smile at men a lot and they get the wrong idea. You might have to train yourself to be more standoffish with them.

[Anonymous]

Maybe look into fields that have more women? I’m Muslim and most of us are raised to do that and it seems to work out well. I don’t have friends who are getting harassed on a regular basis. A lot of low paying jobs definitely have issues with this i.e. restaurants, retail etc. At my last job some of the men were inappropriate and there was flirtation for sure. I’m happier now that I only work with women but my field is niche. I work for a nonprofit as a social worker. Again sorry you’re dealing with this. Limit your exposure to men.