Inappropriate Coworkers

[Anonymous]

I think you need firmer, more professional boundaries. What is your reaction when this happens? If you do not like or welcome this behavior, you need to set that boundary firmly. Immediately react, every time, by looking them directly in the eyes & stating your boundary. “John, that is inappropriate. Please don’t touch me/ask me out/comment on my body/etc again.” If they protest, if they say it was an accident or joke, say fair enough. Then this is your warning that I do not like these jokes or comments, & the next one will be reported to HR, no hesitation. Now let’s get back to xyz…

I’ve been around a long time. Current corporate climate is very different from 20 or 30 years ago. Most corpations have pretty aggressive sexual harassment policies & training - saying out loud that you do not want this contact/comment/etc is a loud & clear warning to anyone who has had to watch a sexual harassment video. If it happens a second time, an email goes to them & to HR.

Look, people can & will try all kinds of bs - it’s your job to set boundaries so they know that doesn’t fly with you.

[Anonymous]

Do you have a large boosom? If so, would you consider a breast reduction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a large boosom? If so, would you consider a breast reduction?

Wow.

I'd consider coloring my hair dark before even contemplating breast reduction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd stop bleaching your hair and see if that changes anything.

Yes, stop coloring your hair. That might help. Also minimal makeup. Good luck, but some of that you’ll just have to learn to live with. Get better at shutting it down with grace. It’s not fair- it’s reality for some of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd stop bleaching your hair and see if that changes anything.

I agree with this. I was blonde as a child, went dishwater blonde, then light brown, and now my hair is turning light again (looks like fancy highlighting).

I decided never to bleach/highlight bc honestly the people who do that in my life/environment are not people that I usually get along with well/aspire to be like. I don't want to overgeneralize except to say there are a couple "types" that favor this look.

There are many beautiful hair colors. Consider going natural or just a different shade. Wouldn't recommend redhead though.

Consider this in addition to the assertiveness everyone is recommending.

[Anonymous]

Wish I had your problems. Been trying to get my boss to notice me, but I'm very plain. Would love to sleep with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have to wonder if this is all in your head. I've known people who are convinced that everyone is flirting with them and everyone wants them. If this is happening literally everywhere you go, seems like you could be making it up

Normally I would be very wary of saying something like this given how rampant misogyny is in the workplace and elsewhere, but with this OP — I’m thinking the same thing you are.

+1. I was with you 100% until you said Catholic priests hit on you. I’m a 50 year old lifelong Catholic woman, with a family member that attended a Catholic college with young seminarians. You are not what they are interested in. And again, I’m Catholic so don’t come at me with your bigot bs.

[Anonymous]

Can we call troll now?

[Anonymous]

Natural blonde, here. Why should the Op have to change her hair color? Why can't men just be better? I've experienced some of what she described. I don't consider myself beautiful and am introverted. That hasn't stopped unwanted attention. I now work in academia and while it is better than corporate environments, I have experienced unwanted touch from a colleague. I am married and 46 years old.

OP, please don't change your appearance. Words like "stop", "no", and "that makes me uncomfortable" should be part of your vocabulary in the workplace. You have the power to set boundaries and follow through with consequences if those boundaries are not respected by others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get harassed at every job. I’m not sure why I invite this behavior. Perhaps it is my style or demeanor (I am quiet and non assertive).

I have very long bleach blonde hair and I’m in my mid 20s now. I am thin, but I dress so conservatively. And I don’t even think my face is that beautiful or anything, but I think my hair may exacerbate the problem.

My last job was the worst so far. One supervisor (who is 30 years my senior) started harassing me and pushing boundaries with me. I think he told other male coworkers about his behavior, since a group of them started being inappropriate with me and ganging up on me. He was frequently leering at me, openly staring at my chest and legs, touching my back or hair, and trying to be alone with me constantly. He would also offer me rides home constantly (after I mentioned that I take Uber to work, since I was only 5 mins away). And he’d constantly push me to be alone with him at his office or invite me to events outside work.

The more I pushed back against his advances, the more he tried to openly humiliate me or revoke responsibilities from me. However, if I allowed the harassment to continue, he would begin bestowing more opportunities on me and warming up to me more. I think he was telling his friends that I was open to harassment, because suddenly more of them were finding every excuse to get me alone in their offices, winking at me, and leering at me. I felt so uncomfortable. Even coworkers who I initially trusted (who were ostensibly nice and safe) started to act like frat boys and made me feel so demeaned.

I felt like the situation was escalating out of control, so I just quit. And many other women quit before me. I was told they had “strong personalities” (lol) so I guess they just wouldn’t put up with the ongoing harassment.

I don’t know why I invite such a lack of respect in every work environment. I get harassed at EVERY job or volunteer opportunity. I worked as a receptionist at a freaking Neonatal Intensive Care Unit in college and the amount of FATHERS who would flirt with me at my desk (while their wives and extremely sick babies were feet away) made me disgusted. And these women had ZERO clue what their husbands were doing. One man very handsome too, with a beautiful wife (I felt like I was uglier than his wife), yet he would make an excuse to leave the babies room to come harass me at my desk, calling me pretty, and seeming to get off on making me visibly uncomfortable.

I’ve been harassed by Catholic priests (more than one), men at religious charities, at internships, at customer service jobs. This has been ongoing since I was a teenager. I don’t know why I’m such a target, but it feels like I am harassed more than average. I’ve left every job and volunteer opportunity due to ongoing harassment. It reaches a boiling point where I’m too anxious to stay anymore.

This is a middle aged troll. No 20 year old writes “(lol)”

[Anonymous]

Why is a hot 20 something on this mom forum?
Also, no one describes their own hair as "bleach blonde". They would say "platinum" or "champagne" or something like that.
This is a troll to make middle aged moms feel bad about themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have to wonder if this is all in your head. I've known people who are convinced that everyone is flirting with them and everyone wants them. If this is happening literally everywhere you go, seems like you could be making it up

Yeah, a 50 year old man touching my lower back and thigh and offering me rides home or winking at me and staring at my body is “made up”. And a father leaving his wife and baby to call me pretty and ask me if I have a boyfriend is totally normal behavior. Maybe you are fat so it never happens to you. Idk really. But I am harassed inappropriately everywhere I go. I’ve even had men old enough to be my grandfather calling me cute and buying me chocolates or small gifts. One said “I thought I could get away with it with you”….and I never asked what he meant by that. So maybe I give off a certain vibe or something that invites this behavior

NP. I was trying to find a kind way to say this but with your fat comment…I’m just going to be blunt. It’s not an uncommon phenomenon, what you describe, but the fact that it happens literally everywhere, to the extend that you’ve had to quit every single job you’ve ever had…something is off in your perception.

[Anonymous]

*to the extent ^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we call troll now?

Someone already did and the OP scurried away.. so yeah, dumb trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have to wonder if this is all in your head. I've known people who are convinced that everyone is flirting with them and everyone wants them. If this is happening literally everywhere you go, seems like you could be making it up

Normally I would be very wary of saying something like this given how rampant misogyny is in the workplace and elsewhere, but with this OP — I’m thinking the same thing you are.

+1. I was with you 100% until you said Catholic priests hit on you. I’m a 50 year old lifelong Catholic woman, with a family member that attended a Catholic college with young seminarians. You are not what they are interested in. And again, I’m Catholic so don’t come at me with your bigot bs.

Oh come on. I’m Catholic too and I’ve watched the nuns who pass through our parish oogle my husband every time he volunteers for children’s church. I haven’t seen a priest do this but that doesn’t mean it never happens.

My cousins are Episcopalian and I went to church with them once and got hit on by a priest of the same gender. She saw my silver shoes and thought that meant I was gay. I corrected her and moved on.

Priests are people too.