8th Grade DD falling apart

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry op. I have an extremely well behaved son (thought I was parent of the year). My daughter gives me a grey hair every day. I would uproot everything, move schools, and get her away from the bad influence but not tell her what you’re doing. Take a very long vacation if you can. Just get her out of the problem context.

[Anonymous]

OP here. She's clouded by love/infatuation. She still comes home when we tell her to and doesn't go out when we say she can't but she's testing our boundaries, coming up with excuses to skip activities, doesn't reach out to her old friends as much, calls with her new "friends" more and more and always wants to go on "dates"--this includes anything from walking to get a bite to biking to the park to hanging out after school. They're also on calls a lot. We have a no phone in room policy after 10pm. This past weekend she had a sleepover with a new "friend". That made us incredibly nervous but we had no reasons to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She's clouded by love/infatuation. She still comes home when we tell her to and doesn't go out when we say she can't but she's testing our boundaries, coming up with excuses to skip activities, doesn't reach out to her old friends as much, calls with her new "friends" more and more and always wants to go on "dates"--this includes anything from walking to get a bite to biking to the park to hanging out after school. They're also on calls a lot. We have a no phone in room policy after 10pm. This past weekend she had a sleepover with a new "friend". That made us incredibly nervous but we had no reasons to say no.

You had no reasons to say no??? A sudden change in friend groups you don't trust, change in behavior, grades slipping and possible vaping is no reason to say no???

[Anonymous]

Get her on birth control ASAP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She's clouded by love/infatuation. She still comes home when we tell her to and doesn't go out when we say she can't but she's testing our boundaries, coming up with excuses to skip activities, doesn't reach out to her old friends as much, calls with her new "friends" more and more and always wants to go on "dates"--this includes anything from walking to get a bite to biking to the park to hanging out after school. They're also on calls a lot. We have a no phone in room policy after 10pm. This past weekend she had a sleepover with a new "friend". That made us incredibly nervous but we had no reasons to say no.

Did you talk to the parents of the new friend to make sure they'd be supervised?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD has gone from a sweet, popular girl with sports, clubs, and honor roll to a straight up baddy. I suspect she vapes, she's dating a rebel type boy and is just letting everything slip. How do we stop this train?? She says she's in love. She has new friends now. Doesn't seem as into her sport or clubs though we still insist she attend. Before anyone blames our parenting, we have clear boundaries and those are respected but we don't know how to control the crowd she's selecting to be with - in the name of love!!! lol

Well clearly you don't, or your boundaries need reexamining, if she's vaping and dating as an 8th grader.

+1 as soon as OP said her daughter was “dating” in the 8th grade a red flag popped up. You don’t allow an 8th grader to date. You now can see what happens. Good luck.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating in 8th grade????

+1 why parents put up with this sh*t is beyond me

How are you going to stop it? Never have them lrave the house? Controlling behaviors can easily backfire.

You raise them a certain way so they aren’t slaves to fashion trends, boys, peer pressure, etc. You don’t allow frivolous behavior - roaming the mall with friends or hanging out at stores. You say no to nail polish at the age of 8. You say no to booty shorts and crop tops. You keep a close eye on their friends group and make connections with parents. You don’t allow them to hang out if you don’t like their friend group. You keep them busy with school, activities, and family activities on weekends. The Asians and Indians seem to have it down - the American culture is crazy.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry op. I have an extremely well behaved son (thought I was parent of the year). My daughter gives me a grey hair every day. I would uproot everything, move schools, and get her away from the bad influence but not tell her what you’re doing. Take a very long vacation if you can. Just get her out of the problem context.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She's clouded by love/infatuation. She still comes home when we tell her to and doesn't go out when we say she can't but she's testing our boundaries, coming up with excuses to skip activities, doesn't reach out to her old friends as much, calls with her new "friends" more and more and always wants to go on "dates"--this includes anything from walking to get a bite to biking to the park to hanging out after school. They're also on calls a lot. We have a no phone in room policy after 10pm. This past weekend she had a sleepover with a new "friend". That made us incredibly nervous but we had no reasons to say no.

At your house or theirs? At yours, I agree. Nothing to be gained from assuming a new friend is bad news & pre-emptively cutting them off. Much better to meet them, observe, supervise, etc. But at their house? Hard no unless you know & trust the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She's clouded by love/infatuation. She still comes home when we tell her to and doesn't go out when we say she can't but she's testing our boundaries, coming up with excuses to skip activities, doesn't reach out to her old friends as much, calls with her new "friends" more and more and always wants to go on "dates"--this includes anything from walking to get a bite to biking to the park to hanging out after school. They're also on calls a lot. We have a no phone in room policy after 10pm. This past weekend she had a sleepover with a new "friend". That made us incredibly nervous but we had no reasons to say no.

So I was with you and all of this sounds fine until the sleepover with a random kid you don't know. Is this your first kid? Sleepovers are where it all goes down. Not a whole lot of good reason they need to be sleeping over as teens other than getting drunk and hooking up and sneaking out in the middle of the night to meet up with other kids, which is why kids this age want to do them.

Say no to the sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

As usual, the child rearing experts have come out in force. It seems to me that you are an attentive parent and that you are on top of her behavior. I know vaping sucks, but really it isn't that much different than when we were kids and managed to sneak beer. Rebellion is a natural part of growing up. I am sure she will come around.

[Anonymous]

Have her make a plan to get her grades back up. Keep her busy. Do the new friends come to your house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As usual, the child rearing experts have come out in force. It seems to me that you are an attentive parent and that you are on top of her behavior. I know vaping sucks, but really it isn't that much different than when we were kids and managed to sneak beer. Rebellion is a natural part of growing up. I am sure she will come around.

An 8th grader sneaking beer was a big fing deal in my parents house.

You probably grew up rich so didn’t need to do well to get aid for college and knew you had jobs and money at the helm if you blew off high school.

[Anonymous]

I guess I’m the mean strict mom but my kids know they can’t hang out with kids I don’t know unsupervised and that any sort of drugs/smoking/drinking will mean TEOTWATKI. Also they know their favorite grandma died of cancer from smoking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As usual, the child rearing experts have come out in force. It seems to me that you are an attentive parent and that you are on top of her behavior. I know vaping sucks, but really it isn't that much different than when we were kids and managed to sneak beer. Rebellion is a natural part of growing up. I am sure she will come around.

I agree.


Keep on her and she will mature and grow out of this. It’s good you were able to keep her the sports activities but it sounds like that’s the easy go to activity for parents to sign their young kids up for and maybe she’s not loving it. Maybe you can discuss with her some activity that she’s always wanted to do?

My daughter heading off to her classes with a specific goal after school and weekends really made a difference. It made a huge difference and kept her out of most trouble. She had a boyfriend in 8th grade too.