100%. A pregnancy that’s healthy with a normal birth carries so much more risk than a vasectomy! I’m saying this as someone whose husband’s vasectomy failed and I ended up pregnant again 4 years later (whoops lol but it was fine in the end)- he needs to get the vasectomy an any excuses not to are weak and selfish. Every single option on your end is more invasive, more complicated, and more risky. Period. |
My ex refused, I later divorced him for other reasons. But the selfishness was all around. I birthed and nursed 3 kids for a total of 9 years altogether, he can get snipped. Any man unwilling is selfish. |
Why is it "my body, my choice" only when it applies to women? OP put stipulations in place (condom, less frequent sex) and he is perfectly fine with it. Why is he being called selfish and an ahole?
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Why didn't you get your tube's tied during your last C-section? Best time to do it was then if you knew you didn't want anymore kids, OP. If your DH doesn't want a vasectomy you can't force or demand he have one. |
Know lots of men who had it done. Zero issues. It’s the simplest snip. |
He doesn’t want the procedure. Respect his decision. |
It's still "my body, my choice." She can't force him to have a vasectomy or have sex if he doesn't want to, he can't force her to carry a pregnancy to term or get a tubal ligation, and neither of them can force the other to stay in the relationship. They can discuss it, and they can have conversations about it, but neither can make the decision for the other. None of this is inconsistent.
Having opinions isn't being disrespectful. Forcing is. And from my point of view, if this makes them sexually incompatible, then either can draw the line there. |
How old are you, op?
The calendar and pulling out are likely sufficient. |
+1 The same applies to my family and our extended friend group. Because of that, I assumed it was very common but I've met random people here and there that would never consider it. I think it might relate to several factors and the one op mentioned (previous health related problems) would understandably make her dh apprehensive. I can't say I fault him if his excuse is better than most who don't get it. It's also a self defeating cycle of issues if you end up with the stress of more babies to avoid a simple procedure. Hopefully this won't be the case but with age, fertility might go down, but chances for multiples and difficulties go up. |
1 in 24? 4% anecdotally. |
Risk of complications is greatly reduced if the vasectomy is at a hospital, in a sterile environment. |
It's 1-2%, and that includes things like bruising at the site, local pain, and infection (much decreased if it is done with good sterile technique and aftercare instructions followed appropriately). |
THIS!!! My husband got a vasectomy for me for this very reason. I had already had three c-sections with the last one resulting in lots of bleeding post c-section. The risk of you getting pregnant is waaaaay higher than any risk of his vasectomy. He really needs to get over himself. |
Well said. Discussing their opinions respectfully is part of a healthy relationship. If OP feels that the burdens and risks have been unfairly piled on her, she should voice that opinion. How they proceed from there is up to them. I wonder if similar to a PP if this kind of imbalance is found in other aspects of their relationship too. |
I know you don’t want to hear horror stories, but a man I work with had a bad outcome and went into sepsis following his vasectomy and almost died. He was out of work for almost a month. I do not know if he has ongoing pain or if it has impacted his quality of life because we are not that close.
I have an IUD and thought about asking my husband to get a vasectomy once it expires, but my colleague’s experience changed my mind. It’s not worth the risk to me. |