Weird with neighbor since kids no longer hang out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you miss her friendship or are you trying to absolve yourself of feeling awkward around her? It sounds like there’s some emotional things you need to work through in regards to what happened between the girls. That’s not a dig, I would feel very strongly about my child being hit and bullied as well.

So like how many doors down are you guys and is this relationship critical to you feeling comfortable in your neighborhood/home? Do you think you can be OK with her not being OK with you?

We live in a cul de sac and I have to pass their house on walks, etc. I’m not mad at her or anything like that, I don’t even hold animosity towards the girl, I wave to her too when I see her. But it’s like mom goes out of her way to avoid me. It’s just odd.

So you either continue to extend the olive branch and maybe more overtly, or you accept she currently is not seeking your company. Which could be entirely unrelated to yourself or your daughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I just remembered the latest odd interaction. I was on a walk and saw them at the park. I waved to the girl and said “Hello!”, she waved back and said hi, but the mom deliberately kept staring at her feet. She had to have heard me. It was so strange.

Let her be strange. You don’t have to figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I just remembered the latest odd interaction. I was on a walk and saw them at the park. I waved to the girl and said “Hello!”, she waved back and said hi, but the mom deliberately kept staring at her feet. She had to have heard me. It was so strange.

Let her be strange. You don’t have to figure it out.

Gotcha! I think this is what I’ll do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I witnessed the event, so please stop assuming my DD deserved it. They were playing a game at our coffee table and the girl slapped my DD in the face hard enough to leave a mark. Zero prompting, other than losing the game. She’s a bully to her siblings, too, and to other kids at school. I don’t know if she has friends, that’s true. I only know what I hear from my DD, who twice tried to rekindle the friendship, but the girl I think has deeper rooted issues.

Please don’t victim blame my DD.

OP, I believe you. We had a similar situation with a neighborhood girl, and I also witnessed that kid hitting my kid. The other girl had poorly controlled ADHD. She was also ostracized in middle school for her behavior.

I wouldn't count on the mom friendship getting salvaged. Just don't worry about it. You've done your best, and the other girl's situation is not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree. I don’t get the impression you like her. That’s ok.

What! I certainly wouldn't like someone who hit my kid.
NP

[Anonymous]

Stop trying to reestablish your old friendship. Take her hint that she barely wants to interact with you, if at all, and scale back in kind. Toss a smile her way and that's it. No need to frantically wave and yell hello every single time you see her.

[Anonymous]

Let go. Be kind and wave, but then truly let go of any expectation of friendship.

Signed,
A mom whose been there and so much happier since I let go of caring

[Anonymous]

My best friend in town is my former neighbor and we have kids the same age who were friends through elementary. Their paths diverged after that but we are still close. I guess it just depends on the nature of the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I just remembered the latest odd interaction. I was on a walk and saw them at the park. I waved to the girl and said “Hello!”, she waved back and said hi, but the mom deliberately kept staring at her feet. She had to have heard me. It was so strange.

My guess is she has heard about you talking badly about her daughter.

[Anonymous]

She’s probably not a mean girl if she has no friends

She’s probably the socially ostracized girl who is easily accused of acting mean because others are mean and she isn’t just rolling over or being a doormat

[Anonymous]

It's really childish and frankly ignorant when people use terms like 'mean girl' about a CHILD. fair if a child does it about another child. But kids - especially under the age of 10 and sometimes over it - who hit or misfire socially, are learning, they may have a neurodiversity (btw we all have some kind of neurodiversity, some are easier to deal with than others), they may just have low emotional regulation, or impulse control without a diagnosis.

I have 2 kids, one who has needed a ton of supports, is super impulsive and lacks emotional regulation - and one who is literally perfectly behaved and has never i think once in his life had a negative interaction with another human. Same parent. So i never ever judge parents or kids who are struggling unless I see the parent either give zero fs or actively encourge the kid's violence (once in a playground saw a dad tell his kid to hit another kid - bananas).

She's probably avoiding you because she senses the judgement.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you HONESTLY want to be friends with this mom? Even though she shows no reciprocal interest?

I'd try to unpack that.

My advice would be to keep to a smile and nod. Sometimes things change. You continuing to try to force things is poor reading of social cues.

[Anonymous]

I would just treat her like any random neighbor walking their dog you may say hi to.

I would not go out of my way to talk to her. Just keep it civil.

[Anonymous]

OP it didn’t sound like you want to be friends with this woman as much as you just want your own feelings of awkwardness to be alleviated. You find her inconvenient. That’s not a good basis for a friendship.

You think she’s weird, and you think her daughter is mean. You do not like them. The mom absolutely knows this. It’s ok to just not be friends. Leave her alone and stop trying to interact.

[Anonymous]

You think that’s awkward wait till highschool and your daughter moves into a totally new friend group. All of these parents you’ve been hanging out with for years have very little in common with each other.

My experience is that social groups in high school are based on activities ( band kids hang with band kids, lacrosse players are friends with the other lax players etc.) Whereas middle school often is proximity or social status.

So all these parents you’ve been having a beer with while the kids settle into a movie downstairs or had long conversations with on the sidelines of a rec soccer game just fade away. When you see each other it’s like running into an acquaintance from high school.