From what you described, he didn't need your help this time.And he didn't ask for it. |
I don't know if I'd say the OP's behavior raises to abuse, but she is certainly acting inappropriately. |
One of many red flags here. |
Unless your English or your husband’s is so limited that you can’t communicate at all (not the case here, based on your writing), it’s rude to have conversations in another language in front of others. |
OP here again. My daughter has a track and field meet today and had to be on site by 8 a.m. Plus, my husband didn't know exactly where the friend lives and couldn't be expected to figure out a convenient meeting spot while driving. |
This isn’t persuasive in the least. Instead of listening and reflecting, you keep doubling down. |
The defensiveness over a teenager's bedtime is another red flag. Can we call in a welfare check for the husband? |
Your daughter is 13. She is not a robot. It is ok not to feel very rested sometimes. |
When the parents suggested a mutually convenient drop off they were just being polite..:and hoping you would have done the logical/friendly thing by saying, “No worries, we will happily bring Larla home after the party.” Parents take turns carpooling. “Going out of your way” really isn’t part of the equation when it comes to carpooling. You drive kids home so the other parents don’t have to drive at all. Next time they should offer to do the same for you. This is Parent Carpooling 101. |
My 13 year old routinely has to leave at 6am on saturdays for stupid travel baseball…and he usually stays up until midnight playing video games with his buddies the night before. ICYMI: kid sports don’t really matter. Your rigid adherence to bedtimes and drop offs as your best defense are emblematic of your rigid approach to parenting and controlling behavior. You might want to reflect on that with a therapist. |
Did he try to explain that he already handled it by telling the other parents he would drop her off at home AND you were still insisting on the meeting place?
It sounds like you two were talking past each other. |
OP, I would suggest therapy. You can’t control everything and everyone only yourself.
Who cares if your 13 year old goes to bed 30-60 minutes late? The other option was to tell this other family, that no you couldn’t carpool because your daughter had an early start the next day. It is ok to say no! I have a family who consistently used me for carpool even if it was inconvenient for me so I started saying “I can only drop them off I can’t pick up as we have another engagement right after” (and we did). Get divorced. Who cares about the money. You all will be so much happier. You can’t change your husband. You can only control yourself your emotions, your actions, and only change yourself. Don’t do this to your daughter. |
Controlling others is her whole identity, though. |
I agree with some of this, but I disagree that op will be happier after divorce. You control your happiness. Op won’t be happy when he’s dating and she can’t control other women around her daughter. She won’t be happy when he takes the new GF/wife on vacation with the kid. What if she misses a track meet? What if they want to snorkel or do something the op will worry about? What about when the kid goes with dad for Christmas? Go to therapy to work on yourself. And try couples therapy focused on communication and coparenting. |
He would figure it out. |