"Women judge other women when they are feeling either jealous or smug."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judging engagement ring size is very petty on the sliding scale of female pettiness.

When someone has a small stone, I assume they married young or had other priorities.

The larger rings used to be more indicative of something about the finances of the couple, but the advent of lab-grown diamonds makes it impossible to know. So now I just think those larger rings suggest a need to show off. But don't actually convey anything financial about the owner.

My local CVS has some decent-looking large diamond engagement ring knockoffs (odd that they sell them there...isn't it?).

I know unmarried women in certain industries who buy those rings before they travel to conferences etc. in order to avoid being bothered.

An engagement or wedding ring is NOT a deterrent on business travel. They actually attract more men because they are looking for casual sex with others already in a relationship.

Yeah. Travel for work and sit at the bar in a hotel restaurant trying to eat a quiet dinner and gross men desperate for casual fun will come out of the woodwork -- wedding ring or not.

Go into the restaurant and eat there. People are not likely to visit you from another table to talk. But a bar is where a lot of lonely people strike up conversations, it's not a place for a "quiet dinner".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your mom was sticking up for you and putting your aunt in her place.

I don't think she was trying to communicate a universal truth.

Was her mom implying aunt was jealous or smug? It doesn't make sense that she was either so mom was just talking a bunch of nonsense. Aunt isn't jealous of OPs ring and she wasn't smug b/c she knows OP can afford better, if she wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your mom was sticking up for you and putting your aunt in her place.

I don't think she was trying to communicate a universal truth.

Was her mom implying aunt was jealous or smug? It doesn't make sense that she was either so mom was just talking a bunch of nonsense. Aunt isn't jealous of OPs ring and she wasn't smug b/c she knows OP can afford better, if she wanted.

Mom was saying don't worry about what other people think. They are dumb and petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your mom was sticking up for you and putting your aunt in her place.

I don't think she was trying to communicate a universal truth.

Was her mom implying aunt was jealous or smug? It doesn't make sense that she was either so mom was just talking a bunch of nonsense. Aunt isn't jealous of OPs ring and she wasn't smug b/c she knows OP can afford better, if she wanted.

Mom was saying don't worry about what other people think. They are dumb and petty.

Aunt asked a question. Mom interrupted and told daughter what to think before letting her reply on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your mom was sticking up for you and putting your aunt in her place.

I don't think she was trying to communicate a universal truth.

Was her mom implying aunt was jealous or smug? It doesn't make sense that she was either so mom was just talking a bunch of nonsense. Aunt isn't jealous of OPs ring and she wasn't smug b/c she knows OP can afford better, if she wanted.

Mom was saying don't worry about what other people think. They are dumb and petty.

Aunt asked a question. Mom interrupted and told daughter what to think before letting her reply on her own.

And?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your mom was sticking up for you and putting your aunt in her place.

I don't think she was trying to communicate a universal truth.

Was her mom implying aunt was jealous or smug? It doesn't make sense that she was either so mom was just talking a bunch of nonsense. Aunt isn't jealous of OPs ring and she wasn't smug b/c she knows OP can afford better, if she wanted.

Ok you're opinion on the matter is the only one that is valid here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your mom was sticking up for you and putting your aunt in her place.

I don't think she was trying to communicate a universal truth.

Was her mom implying aunt was jealous or smug? It doesn't make sense that she was either so mom was just talking a bunch of nonsense. Aunt isn't jealous of OPs ring and she wasn't smug b/c she knows OP can afford better, if she wanted.

I think aunt is likely making comments about ops ring perhaps behind her back and regularly has opinions on engagement rings and mom was shutting her sister down

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your mom was sticking up for you and putting your aunt in her place.

I don't think she was trying to communicate a universal truth.

Was her mom implying aunt was jealous or smug? It doesn't make sense that she was either so mom was just talking a bunch of nonsense. Aunt isn't jealous of OPs ring and she wasn't smug b/c she knows OP can afford better, if she wanted.

I think aunt is likely making comments about ops ring perhaps behind her back and regularly has opinions on engagement rings and mom was shutting her sister down

+1 I think mom was shutting down a conversation that could have felt uncomfortable for OP and that could have implied her ring was not “good enough”.

While I don’t think all judgement stems from jealousy/smugness I do see what mom was getting at when it comes to superficial stuff like this. Someone criticizing an ering is probably jealous or smug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judging engagement ring size is very petty on the sliding scale of female pettiness.

When someone has a small stone, I assume they married young or had other priorities.

The larger rings used to be more indicative of something about the finances of the couple, but the advent of lab-grown diamonds makes it impossible to know. So now I just think those larger rings suggest a need to show off. But don't actually convey anything financial about the owner.

My local CVS has some decent-looking large diamond engagement ring knockoffs (odd that they sell them there...isn't it?).

I know unmarried women in certain industries who buy those rings before they travel to conferences etc. in order to avoid being bothered.

An engagement or wedding ring is NOT a deterrent on business travel. They actually attract more men because they are looking for casual sex with others already in a relationship.

Yeah. Travel for work and sit at the bar in a hotel restaurant trying to eat a quiet dinner and gross men desperate for casual fun will come out of the woodwork -- wedding ring or not.

Go into the restaurant and eat there. People are not likely to visit you from another table to talk. But a bar is where a lot of lonely people strike up conversations, it's not a place for a "quiet dinner".

Sure it is. It’s for whatever PP wants it to be. She’s under no obligation to entertain anyone else. When men talk to me at the bar, I respond kindly but briefly. They get the picture.

[Anonymous]

Your mom is wise. I think it's the case for me except other instances like some upthread mentioned. I judge rude, catty and mean behavior but don't feel smug as much as disappointed and slightly understanding that it can stem from their upbringing.
I get jealous of women with unlimited energy or physical prowess (doing the splits, backflips) but only judge them positively.
It's the judgment of fashion where I think I'm smug while judging (like Queen Elizabeth looking down on wedges, tsk tsk)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Judging engagement ring size is very petty on the sliding scale of female pettiness.

When someone has a small stone, I assume they married young or had other priorities.

The larger rings used to be more indicative of something about the finances of the couple, but the advent of lab-grown diamonds makes it impossible to know. So now I just think those larger rings suggest a need to show off. But don't actually convey anything financial about the owner.

My local CVS has some decent-looking large diamond engagement ring knockoffs (odd that they sell them there...isn't it?).

Hmm. There is that smugness OP's mom referenced. I just think those larger rings suggest the wearer thinks gems are pretty and that they enjoy sparkling jewelry.

PP. There are lots of pretty sparkles that cost less than $10-20K. Which is the price point of the real rings in that category. I figured somebody would call me out for my comments but I'm pretty sure this size of ring, like driving a luxury car, is intended to be noticed/assessed by others. The people I know like this, the bride tells the groom what to buy. These are not spontaneously presented rings.

My ring was about 11k. The diamond isn't huge at all, but it isn't small either -- it has a 1.5 carat center stone. It isn't "intended to be noticed/assessed by others" at all. I like rocks, I always have, my grandfather was a geologist and my first science fair project in early elementary school was about geodes. Diamonds are beautiful to look at, as are rubies, sapphires, amethysts, opals, whatever. Your post? Well -- there is that judgment with smugness OP is asking about...

You got an 11K ring because you like rocks and geodes? And it had to be a diamond? You know they actually sell quartz engagement rings, right? I'm not smug. I just don't believe your reasoning.

[Anonymous]

Your aunt cares what other people think, your mom doesn’t. I only judge those who don’t use their turn signals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your mom was sticking up for you and putting your aunt in her place.

I don't think she was trying to communicate a universal truth.

Was her mom implying aunt was jealous or smug? It doesn't make sense that she was either so mom was just talking a bunch of nonsense. Aunt isn't jealous of OPs ring and she wasn't smug b/c she knows OP can afford better, if she wanted.

Ok you're opinion on the matter is the only one that is valid here.

OP asked "what do you think". Your opinion doesn't matter to me in the slightest nor is it any more valid.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like another way to make women into an old sexist trope and stereotype. People judge people for all sorts of reasons. Many more than just two.

Please tell me about this sexist trope. Women judge other women more harshly than men judge women.

From junior high to Sunrise Senior Living, women judge their friends and enemies and often act on these judgments by saying and doing horrible things. For all the hand-wringing we read on DCUM about what men say to women, we do not read much about how awful women can be to each other.

[Anonymous]

I believe this exchange never happened. Nice try OP.


Also I'm sorry you have such poor relations.