have you shared your first relationship details (age, how far it went, etc) with your teen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's none of my child's business. And I say this as someone who is REALLY close to my daughter. But I'm not her best friend. I think she doesn't really want to know anyway. You can't unlearn that info and there's no right answer.

This. Some things I answer, like she asked if I ever had a miscarriage because they are studying sexual health and reproduction. That I answered. Once she asked something about age of sexual activity and I said that was none of her business.

The "none of her business" approach seems cold and not smart to me. If your DD is asking, they are clearly trying to gauge what we as the mother thinks is okay (what we thought was okay for ourselves) and for her. If you refuse to tell her what age you lost your virginity for example, I would assume she will think you lost it very young (her current age or younger).

Nope. None of this follows. If they want to know what they age their mother thinks is ok, they can ask that. Learning about parents' sexual activity opens a whole new world for children - a world where their parents are adults with their complex lives that often involve children. And, at this age, they don't actually need that. They need their parents as parents; a kind of one-sided creatures that care primarily about their children, not sex and certainly not males their children have no relation to. It is important to preserve that illusion and for parents to continue to exist as special people and a safe harbor rather than individuals with their own lives and urges.

+100 NP. My mother told me too much, and I wish she hadn’t.

[Anonymous]

I now get the sense my mom had a lot of boyfriends and experiences but somehow I always thought she’d judge me and as a result I was a late bloomer. My older daughter is 11 and convinced she never wants to have sex but when she had health Ed and asked me some questions about how people decide it’s time to have sex I said, “I would want a person to feel respected, not feel pressured, and to be safe. It’s hard to make all of those decisions and handle all of that at a young age.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's none of my child's business. And I say this as someone who is REALLY close to my daughter. But I'm not her best friend. I think she doesn't really want to know anyway. You can't unlearn that info and there's no right answer.

This. Some things I answer, like she asked if I ever had a miscarriage because they are studying sexual health and reproduction. That I answered. Once she asked something about age of sexual activity and I said that was none of her business.

The "none of her business" approach seems cold and not smart to me. If your DD is asking, they are clearly trying to gauge what we as the mother thinks is okay (what we thought was okay for ourselves) and for her. If you refuse to tell her what age you lost your virginity for example, I would assume she will think you lost it very young (her current age or younger).

Nope. None of this follows. If they want to know what they age their mother thinks is ok, they can ask that. Learning about parents' sexual activity opens a whole new world for children - a world where their parents are adults with their complex lives that often involve children. And, at this age, they don't actually need that. They need their parents as parents; a kind of one-sided creatures that care primarily about their children, not sex and certainly not males their children have no relation to. It is important to preserve that illusion and for parents to continue to exist as special people and a safe harbor rather than individuals with their own lives and urges.

This is the dumbest thing I have ever read. Are you serious?