Am I an idiot if I think when teachers say my child is a joy to work with that they aren't saying this to everyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At home, my 5 yo is sweet and cute but also a bit of a handful, like I assume most 5 year olds are. She has done a bunch of activities over the years, goes to daycare and also has had a few therapists due to some delays. A lot of times the teachers/therapists have spoken effusively about what a joy she is to work with. I feel a bit proud when they say this. Am I a idiot for thinking they don't just say this to everyone?

Flame away, btw.

Former teacher here and unfortunately I've learned to state everything positively. It's part of the business. So unless your child is a major problem, I would spin everything as positively as possible. Even the major behavior kids, I'm sure the teacher would find a way to help or keep things positive.

[Anonymous]

My sister is you.

No you are not an idiot.

However no child is perfect.

Expectations of perfection never ends well.

My niece is an only child she can not breathe without my sister correcting her.

At 8 she's a genius. At 16 or 19 it will be a nightmare.

I know this because my sister is my mother and my sister had a breakdown at 13,16, and freshman year of college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t speak to what your child’s teacher does, but I work with grad level students and when evaluating them “ joy to work with” is one of the things we say when we are struggling to find something more substantive to say. So we do say it a lot.

there are not graduate students. this is as substantive as it gets at this age, but it's still not applied to all kids.

Ok?

Bottom line OP: Don’t assume it is said about all kids; that is very unlikely. But no one should assume their child isn’t a joy to work with just because a teacher said that about another kid.

[Anonymous]

They are definitely NOT saying to everyone. I would say maybe 2-3 kids a class are a 'joy' that would warrant that remark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t speak to what your child’s teacher does, but I work with grad level students and when evaluating them “ joy to work with” is one of the things we say when we are struggling to find something more substantive to say. So we do say it a lot.

You say to 23+ year olds that they are a joy to work with when you don't have anything nice to say? I think if I were an adult and heard "you are a joy to work with" it would be positive feedback

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t speak to what your child’s teacher does, but I work with grad level students and when evaluating them “ joy to work with” is one of the things we say when we are struggling to find something more substantive to say. So we do say it a lot.

You say to 23+ year olds that they are a joy to work with when you don't have anything nice to say? I think if I were an adult and heard "you are a joy to work with" it would be positive feedback

That is not what I said at all.

I always have something “nice to say” as every student has strengths. We are, however, asked to provide more than one bit of feedback. Specifically, I have to provide 3 positive points and 3 constructive. Many students are “a joy to work with.” But that feedback isn’t ideal because it isn’t very specific. So I (and many of my colleagues) use it when we have a very middle-of-the-road student and are casting about for another positive point of feedback. It wouldn’t be said if it weren’t true. But there may be other students who are even more of a joy to work with who are not told that particular thing because there are far more specific things to discuss.

So, when I and my colleagues provide that as feedback 1) it is true, 2) it hasn’t been said to everyone, and 3) it usually doesn’t mean much.

And yes, I’m dealing with young adult students, but things like attitude and focus and behavior toward others still matters and comes up in the feedback we provide.

[Anonymous]

I've been teaching a loooong time and if I say a kid is a joy, I mean it 100%. Why not enjoy the positive things teachers say about your kid?

[Anonymous]

I teach middle school, and we have to put in report card comments from a comment bank. Most kids get, “Is a pleasure to have in class,” and for the most part that’s true. If a kid is truly exceptional, I might also put, “Shows interest and enthusiasm” or “Outstanding effort in class.” If a kid is smart but annoying, they get “Understands concepts.” If a kid has issues, they get “Needs to show more self control” or “Needs to complete assignments” or “Needs to show consistent effort.”

[Anonymous]

One phrase they all seemed to use “very bright”!

My first born is really smart with a learning disability. His academic skills were off the chart so the phrase made sense.

My second was described as “very bright”. It’s just not a phrase I would use to describe her.

When my third was describes as “very bright” it’s like, ok, they use that phrase for every student who can write their name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach middle school, and we have to put in report card comments from a comment bank. Most kids get, “Is a pleasure to have in class,” and for the most part that’s true. If a kid is truly exceptional, I might also put, “Shows interest and enthusiasm” or “Outstanding effort in class.” If a kid is smart but annoying, they get “Understands concepts.” If a kid has issues, they get “Needs to show more self control” or “Needs to complete assignments” or “Needs to show consistent effort.”

My kids always get needs to participate more. I always thought that was an option. You got your kids whose hand is always in the air or yelling out answers. And then you got the kid who quietly listens.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it is just me, but I interpret “a pleasure/joy to have in class” as either (1) my kid is actually a pleasure to have in class or (2) my kid is ok and does not stand out or cause any issues - and they just need something to write down

I would assume this is the case for all ages, more or less. Seems to be common phrasing- I don’t think much of it one way or the other

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At home, my 5 yo is sweet and cute but also a bit of a handful, like I assume most 5 year olds are. She has done a bunch of activities over the years, goes to daycare and also has had a few therapists due to some delays. A lot of times the teachers/therapists have spoken effusively about what a joy she is to work with. I feel a bit proud when they say this. Am I a idiot for thinking they don't just say this to everyone?

Flame away, btw.

I think she probably is a joy to work with. Some kids really are a joy, even though they may also be a handful at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're saying it to everyone, yes.

Definitely not. If you have more than one kid and they aren't much alike you would know this.

I have one kid, but I also know teachers lie.

Why would I lie? I see no benefit in telling you falsehoods about your child. I’m about fixing problems if there are any, not covering them up.

I rarely say students are “a joy to work with”. That’s high praise, and many students now are definitely not joys to work with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach middle school, and we have to put in report card comments from a comment bank. Most kids get, “Is a pleasure to have in class,” and for the most part that’s true. If a kid is truly exceptional, I might also put, “Shows interest and enthusiasm” or “Outstanding effort in class.” If a kid is smart but annoying, they get “Understands concepts.” If a kid has issues, they get “Needs to show more self control” or “Needs to complete assignments” or “Needs to show consistent effort.”

But the teachers in the OP are saying it verbally, if I'm not mistaken.

OP, before I was a teacher I sort of wondered if teachers were blowing smoke up you know where because DD was an extremely hard child. But now that I'm a teacher I would *never* say a kid is a joy to work with or speak effusively about them if I didn't mean it. There are so many other positive things you can say about kids who don't particularly stand out or who have issues. I say things like "your child has a lot of potential but..." or "she completes assignments appropriately and stays on task," etc. There is just no reason to use words like "joy" if I they weren't truly a joy.

Does your kid have anxiety? They might be holding it in at school, or they might love the structure and positive feedback at school but then fall apart at home. This is really common, according to my child's many therapists, and you should at least feel good that your child feels safe enough to fall apart at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They do not say this to everyone. It means she listens well, and when she does maybe get cheeky or sassy, they are able to playfully get her back on task.

I have 2 kids. One is a joy in class and one gets feedback more like "doing well but struggles to listen to directions all the time". Guess which one is the girl and which one is the boy....

I have no idea what you are trying to say.

It sounds like one of your kids is rowdier which is difficult for classroom management.