Michelle Singletary - WAPO finance expert has three failure to launch kids in their 20's living at home - RENT FREE

[Anonymous]

I’m a fed and got a fed job in a Department Honors program that recruited from my college. I got my job in May but my clearance didn’t come through until November. I had a paying internship until August in a bit city. From August until November I lived with my parents. My mom lost her mind. I was called a deadbeat. She locked me out one day and told me to not return until I had a job. Maybe I could have gotten a minimum wage job, but honestly after college and law school, I was exhausted. It took years for me to talk to my parents again after how I was treated. They locked up my stuff, didn’t give me kitchen access, I had to buy my own food, I always did chores.

Looking back I wish I had backpacked through Europe instead. Never again will I have 2.5 months of free time until I’m retired. My mom had threatened to throw all of my belongings away though if I left them in my room.

I didn’t know how long the clearance would take and the agency was constantly telling me it would be soon.

My mom is disappointed I don’t visit more now. Ha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is only a problem if you buy into a certain dated and US-centric vision of what a middle-class family should live like.

Well yes, we are in the United States after all.

Yes, what is wrong with being US-centric if you live in the US? And even more so if you were born and grew up in the US? Is it somehow better to be part of some other culture, maybe that of your ancestors, rather than the one where you live now?

(If I lived the life of my ancestors, I’d be living as a peasant, maybe as some kind of tenant farmer. Doesn’t sound fun to me.)

[Anonymous]

I love my kids, and I want them to move back and live near me when they graduate from college and get jobs. But, like 1/2 mile away. Not in my house. They are grown-ups.

[Anonymous]

I'll preface this by saying I generally like her columns a lot, but I was a little surprised that all 3 are living at home. If temporary, fine, but I believe as parents we should be equipping our children to be independent and...live without us.

[Anonymous]

I find it ironic that this is also a post on DCUM today:

Mom antidepressant use linked to having less help from parents

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1187021.page

[Anonymous]

I live at home with my parents. I make $180K, pay $40K in taxes, spend $10K, and save $130K.

I'm always amazed when I read the posts from the couples here making $800K and saving $160K (i.e., effectively saving $80K each). Living with your parents is such a cheat code to skyrocket ahead in life that I am surprised it's scorned instead of being the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live at home with my parents. I make $180K, pay $40K in taxes, spend $10K, and save $130K.

I'm always amazed when I read the posts from the couples here making $800K and saving $160K (i.e., effectively saving $80K each). Living with your parents is such a cheat code to skyrocket ahead in life that I am surprised it's scorned instead of being the norm.

Because married people filing taxes together pay more in taxes.
You are not paying for your home and it maintenance, and little things that add up, like pots, pans, dishes, landscaping material, towels, etc. Someone else is doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live at home with my parents. I make $180K, pay $40K in taxes, spend $10K, and save $130K.

I'm always amazed when I read the posts from the couples here making $800K and saving $160K (i.e., effectively saving $80K each). Living with your parents is such a cheat code to skyrocket ahead in life that I am surprised it's scorned instead of being the norm.

Interesting that you used the term “cheat code.” Maybe you are cheating yourself out of learning to be a more responsible and reliable adult.

Money isn’t everything: character is more important in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live at home with my parents. I make $180K, pay $40K in taxes, spend $10K, and save $130K.

I'm always amazed when I read the posts from the couples here making $800K and saving $160K (i.e., effectively saving $80K each). Living with your parents is such a cheat code to skyrocket ahead in life that I am surprised it's scorned instead of being the norm.

Interesting that you used the term “cheat code.” Maybe you are cheating yourself out of learning to be a more responsible and reliable adult.

Money isn’t everything: character is more important in the long run.

I don’t think shaming someone about living at home shows good character.

[Anonymous]

She’s helping her kids save a ridiculous amount of money…it tracks in terms of good financial behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live at home with my parents. I make $180K, pay $40K in taxes, spend $10K, and save $130K.

I'm always amazed when I read the posts from the couples here making $800K and saving $160K (i.e., effectively saving $80K each). Living with your parents is such a cheat code to skyrocket ahead in life that I am surprised it's scorned instead of being the norm.

Interesting that you used the term “cheat code.” Maybe you are cheating yourself out of learning to be a more responsible and reliable adult.

Money isn’t everything: character is more important in the long run.

Can a person develop character while living at home?

I’d say yes, but structure is required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a fed and got a fed job in a Department Honors program that recruited from my college. I got my job in May but my clearance didn’t come through until November. I had a paying internship until August in a bit city. From August until November I lived with my parents. My mom lost her mind. I was called a deadbeat. She locked me out one day and told me to not return until I had a job. Maybe I could have gotten a minimum wage job, but honestly after college and law school, I was exhausted. It took years for me to talk to my parents again after how I was treated. They locked up my stuff, didn’t give me kitchen access, I had to buy my own food, I always did chores.

Looking back I wish I had backpacked through Europe instead. Never again will I have 2.5 months of free time until I’m retired. My mom had threatened to throw all of my belongings away though if I left them in my room.

I didn’t know how long the clearance would take and the agency was constantly telling me it would be soon.

My mom is disappointed I don’t visit more now. Ha

Assuming you mom didn’t have other issues, I seriously doubt this wasn’t communicated to you along the way. You’re saying she was 100% fine up until she wasn’t? There’s a difference in telling someone to do something, they don’t do it, and then repercussions happen however many months later. How would you even have paid for Europe? You didn’t have a job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live at home with my parents. I make $180K, pay $40K in taxes, spend $10K, and save $130K.

I'm always amazed when I read the posts from the couples here making $800K and saving $160K (i.e., effectively saving $80K each). Living with your parents is such a cheat code to skyrocket ahead in life that I am surprised it's scorned instead of being the norm.

Interesting that you used the term “cheat code.” Maybe you are cheating yourself out of learning to be a more responsible and reliable adult.

Money isn’t everything: character is more important in the long run.

Can a person develop character while living at home?

I’d say yes, but structure is required.

Difficult to develop adult responsibility and reliance on oneself if someone else is paying for the roof over your head and many other of your living expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s helping her kids save a ridiculous amount of money…it tracks in terms of good financial behavior.

What actually happened is that she didn't prepare them to be in a place where they knew how to navigate saving money over time and moving up the job and property ladder over time (starting with renting with roommates, then moving to 1 bedroom apt, then buying a condo, for example...). I think parents who have ALL of their adult children living with then have taken the easy way out--they are not willing to take the mental energy to prepare the kids for certain aspects of adulthood. For them it easier to just continue their kids childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live at home with my parents. I make $180K, pay $40K in taxes, spend $10K, and save $130K.

I'm always amazed when I read the posts from the couples here making $800K and saving $160K (i.e., effectively saving $80K each). Living with your parents is such a cheat code to skyrocket ahead in life that I am surprised it's scorned instead of being the norm.

Yeah, but....there is a lot more to living and growing up as an adult than just saving money.