Reconnected with a younger relative and now they are asking for money. Should I worry?

[Anonymous]

I am always wary of being taken advantage of but my husband is generous and actually doesn't sweat it if it turns out I'm right. He had a friend from childhood straight up ask DH to buy his house and then rent it back. DH was actually considering it, but I thought it was a horrible idea and told DH just to give him money outright instead.

If I could easily afford it I would gift them some money (I prefer a gift to a loan, loans are hard to pay back if you're already in a financial hole) and if they come back a second time set a firm boundary.

It's impossible to know if they're taking advantage or not because you have no history with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a personal level, if it were me OP I would see this as a huge red flag.

I mean……
You just reconnected most recently yet they are already asking you for money…?

I just find this request very tacky.

I would likely be suspicious + on guard of this cousin’s behavior from now on. 😕

+1 A relative who barely communicates with DH wrote from prison to ask for money, and it has permanently changed my view of them. I don’t understand how someone can bring themselves to ask a rando relative you barely know for money.

[Anonymous]

My gut is screaming no.

They will keep coming back with bigger and bigger asks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to the original post the OP just met this distant cousin, so this isn’t a “reconnection” as the thread title suggests. It’s a once, first time meeting at a recent funeral.

A fool is born every minute. Do not give this recently met cousin any money. The fact that OP has no alarm bells going off is sad. Really sad. They’re preying on you, perhaps you’re lonely and want some “family”. They’re using you. Don’t do it.

Yes, it is inappropriate to ask someone you just reconnected with and who you are not close with for money. This is the behavior of someone who will keep asking for more and more, and can lead to bad outcomes for you, OP, I’m afraid, if you’ve seen any true crime shows. They can latch on and become abusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op never said how much it was. I would send
$100 and be done with it. I give more to strangers and I'm low income earner doing manual labor. What was the surgery?
That said, I have never given my cousins as they are capable of same manual labor as myself, but are simply bad at managing money.
No health problems or surgeries to consider.

A lot of these high earners on DCUM are incredibly nasty and selfish. Studies bear this out. It's why it's said that a rich person has as much chance of getting into heaven as a camel has of getting through the eye of a needle.

A lot of these high earners actually know a value of a buck and work hard to get where they are. I too was at a point in my life when I had almost no money. I did not call relatives I barely knew. It's mooching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up an only child with no direct cousins or relatives my age. I went to the funeral for an older relative and met a cousin, four years younger than me. They recently had a surgery and are out of work. They have children and work a manual labor job. I was sent a text today asking if I could give them money as they are low on funds.

I missed the text initially, (Saturday, busy morning around here) and within three hours they replied saying they had figured it out.

Does this sound like someone who may be asking for money more often or do you think the surgery could simply be an extenuating factor/circumstance?

Am I being used is my concern, having never had relationships like this before I may have been naive to how these relationships are. Do relatives often ask each other for money?

I’d do a slow fade. They’ll ask you for money again.

This!

[Anonymous]

OP I’m sorry but this person seems like a seasoned manipulator/ scammer/ user.

First he asks for money for surgery/health/inability to work. You don’t respond.
Second, he responds not to worry, someone else is helping him.
Third, this friend falls through and now he has an urgent (cell phone disconnection) need and needs a small sum.

This is a really standard con pattern. Ask and when the person is wary, quickly regain trust and hopefully make them feel a little guilty for thinking it was a scam. Next ask has an immediate need to reduce the time the con target has to consider it. Hopefully, the person still feels guilty from not responding to the first request. Make it a smaller request so there is less second guessing. The goal is to get you to give him something. This makes it far more likely you’ll give more later on.

It’s also possible that this new casual family relationship that he started with you was with the intent to get money from you, especially with the pattern above.

[Anonymous]

I would make some discreet enquires with your other relatives. Chances are that they know about this person’s behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On a personal level, if it were me OP I would see this as a huge red flag.

I mean……
You just reconnected most recently yet they are already asking you for money…?

I just find this request very tacky.

I would likely be suspicious + on guard of this cousin’s behavior from now on. 😕

+1 A relative who barely communicates with DH wrote from prison to ask for money, and it has permanently changed my view of them. I don’t understand how someone can bring themselves to ask a rando relative you barely know for money.

LOL being in prison didn't change your opinion of them but asking for money did. I guess you have to draw the line somewhere.

[Anonymous]

I'd send like ... $100 gift card to Safeway or something like that. As a gift, not a loan.

[Anonymous]

They are trash and they are using you.

[Anonymous]

My gut says no. You just met. I understand helping family if you have an established relationship, but in this case, you don't.

[Anonymous]

If you want to help, reply with—
“Was a busy morning around here and didn’t see this text come in. Glad you figured it out. I don’t have extra cash but I do have a $50 grocery gift card that someone gave me last year. Let me know where to send and I’ll be happy for you to have it!”

If you don’t want to help—
“Oh hey—glad you figured it out! Hope you’re recovery is going smoothly!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make some discreet enquires with your other relatives. Chances are that they know about this person’s behavior.

^^ This.

My ex came from a large, inner city family and it was not unusual for them to ask each other for $ when times got tough: lost job, big car repair, getting behind on rent. But it was always worth a call to one of his sisters to find out what the real deal is. More than once, there was a substance abuse issue at the core of it.

[Anonymous]

It’s completely weird they asked you since you just reconnected. You think they would have a few other relatives or friends with enough money to lend them $100 or whatever. I would either do an insta cart order or ask them for the bill so you can pay directly and not give cash.