What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate it is depressing for a kid to have to attend college in the city in which they live. I doubt any of you posters had to do that.

I actually have no problem offering a "bribe" in this situation. You admit that you are paying a bunch for the sibling, so seems a bit unfair to foist the "free" school on your kid.

I was just about to suggest a bribe. A friend in another part of the country had a kid who didn’t want to go to the free college (and it’s an excellent school my kids will be lucky to get into). He did a gap year and had an amazing adventure, then went to the school. I thought it was a good compromise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you push your kid to go to a college because their parent works there and can receive free tuition, even if the college would not otherwise make the child’s list? It is a top 75 school and the right fit academically for the child.

I wouldn't push anyone into anything but if family can't afford/they can't get merit scholarships from schools they prefer then I would ask them to logically consider this free option before taking on debt.

[Anonymous]

*they'll be the ones taking on debt, parents won't be signing up for any parent plus loans when there is a free option on the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*they'll be the ones taking on debt, parents won't be signing up for any parent plus loans when there is a free option on the table.

The older sibling also had the same free option on the table, but the parents chose to pay out of pocket to fund his/her dream college. If they weren’t willing to treat their children equally they should have stopped at one.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP who also has older kid at top school.

My plan is to offer to give the second kid $$ (probably in a 529 to go toward grad school) to if they make a decision to go to a less expensive school-- either my school or our home state school. Second kid is interested in law school, so that will probably be appealing.

It the kid gets into a top school, I guess the $$ would be the difference in price from where they are admitted to where they attend.

I'm not sure, though, what I'll do if they don't get into a top school. I mean, why would I give them the difference in price if they didn't even have that option?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for all the replies! My older kid is at a top 25 that we are paying for with a 529 account. The second child (middle) will not be accepted to a top 25, and wants to go to an SEC school . . . These responses are helpful and it’s good to know I’m not being unreasonable

The fact that you’re already paying for your older child to go to (presumably) the school of their choice changes the equation….so essentially you’re going to tell your middle child we’re willing to sacrifice and pay 100s of thousands of dollars for college for your older sibling because you’re not smart enough to get into a top 25 like them you have to go to the free college that we dictate in your hometown.

Yeah, this is a recipe for resentment and family disharmony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Free tuition? Most colleges on the east coast stopped this many years ago - are you grandfathered in, and have you worked there for over 15 years, OP?

If it was reduced rate for so many years (I have not heard of free tuition for many, many years!), and the school was indeed a genuine match for the child, then yes, the child should apply.

Yes I just looked again at the tuition remission benefit information and it would be 100 percent because my spouse has worked there for over 20 years

Okay, now I get it - such a thing does not exist today, for the most part.

If it is a high demand college, AND it fits your DC, AND your DC actually wants to attend, then sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:*they'll be the ones taking on debt, parents won't be signing up for any parent plus loans when there is a free option on the table.

The older sibling also had the same free option on the table, but the parents chose to pay out of pocket to fund his/her dream college. If they weren’t willing to treat their children equally they should have stopped at one.

x10000000

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a friend who had this specific situation. Older sibling went to an Ivy - but despite being a strong candidate they did not get in.
Parents offered - car + trip + college where you go for free
OR other college where you do not go for free and no car and no study abroad
My friend took the car - and has had a great life.

[Anonymous]

I know a family in this situation. They offered to pay for college for each kud, but if they took the free degree and graduated, they could get the money saved in cash.

[Anonymous]

I probably would not force them to pick the free school, but I would have probably set up a carrot/stick. It’s very easy to spend someone else’s money. If they were willing to sacrifice as well like taking out loans, working for some of the tuition money, giving up the option for money regards grad school and possibly a car … then I know they think it’s worth their money as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for all the replies! My older kid is at a top 25 that we are paying for with a 529 account. The second child (middle) will not be accepted to a top 25, and wants to go to an SEC school . . . These responses are helpful and it’s good to know I’m not being unreasonable

I was with you initially, but that changes my answer. If you’re paying for the older kid and refuse to pay for the younger, that isn’t fair. And a good way to get your kid to hate you and resent their older sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here - thanks for all the replies! My older kid is at a top 25 that we are paying for with a 529 account. The second child (middle) will not be accepted to a top 25, and wants to go to an SEC school . . . These responses are helpful and it’s good to know I’m not being unreasonable

OP, this information should have been included in your original post. Being fair doesn't mean doing everything equally, but I'm missing how it's fair for you to pay for the first child's school of choice and to push the second toward a school they would not choose because it's free. Can you say more about how that is justified in your mind?

[Anonymous]

I dont think it's unreasonable.

To justifying paying, the college should be significantly better than the free option - which is the case with the older child - not some intent of being unfair.

I would give the second child some money to compensate thou, to make it more equitable. If he is not dead set against the school - win/win.

[Anonymous]

Yes, allow them to live on campus not at home, and tell them you'll pay for grad school wherever since undergrad is free