Middle names of kids both from DH’s family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Deciding what to name our second kid. First kid is named after DH’s dad. Would it be weird if second kid also has a name from DH’s mom? It would mean a lot more to DH family- My family doesnt have a tradition of naming kids after relatives. It literally has never been done and is not part of our culture. But DH wonders anyway if my parents should have “their turn” and a have a middle name from my side of the family. He thinks they will secretly be pleased. We floated the idea as a thought and they said “oh that’s nice” but didn’t have much of a reaction otherwise. Whereas if baby is named after DH’s mom, she will be over the moon and guaranteed to cry buckets on the spot.

To complicate things, DH’s family is way wealthier so it influences how this will be perceived by both sides or by third parties. Not why we are doing it but thought it was worth mentioning.

Naming both after one side of the family is not a big deal to me, especially since it's important to his side and not to yours. If I knew your family dynamics I would never assume you were sucking up to the richer grandparents, unless there was additional context about you chasing their approval. But naming a brother and sister after a husband and wife strikes me as a bit . . . icky. Imagine meeting a brother and sister Adam and Eve, for example. Unless both are only middle names, I'd avoid that scenario.

They already have his last name, now they get middle names from his side as well? Parents who say they don't care about that snub are lying

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Deciding what to name our second kid. First kid is named after DH’s dad. Would it be weird if second kid also has a name from DH’s mom? It would mean a lot more to DH family- My family doesnt have a tradition of naming kids after relatives. It literally has never been done and is not part of our culture. But DH wonders anyway if my parents should have “their turn” and a have a middle name from my side of the family. He thinks they will secretly be pleased. We floated the idea as a thought and they said “oh that’s nice” but didn’t have much of a reaction otherwise. Whereas if baby is named after DH’s mom, she will be over the moon and guaranteed to cry buckets on the spot.

To complicate things, DH’s family is way wealthier so it influences how this will be perceived by both sides or by third parties. Not why we are doing it but thought it was worth mentioning.

Naming both after one side of the family is not a big deal to me, especially since it's important to his side and not to yours. If I knew your family dynamics I would never assume you were sucking up to the richer grandparents, unless there was additional context about you chasing their approval. But naming a brother and sister after a husband and wife strikes me as a bit . . . icky. Imagine meeting a brother and sister Adam and Eve, for example. Unless both are only middle names, I'd avoid that scenario.

They already have his last name, now they get middle names from his side as well? Parents who say they don't care about that snub are lying

I agree. Family member with three kids used maternal side of the family exclusively when coming up with names/middle names. That's where the money is. It's obvious to everyone on the paternal side they are pandering to money and embracing only that family heritage. Sad, really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Deciding what to name our second kid. First kid is named after DH’s dad. Would it be weird if second kid also has a name from DH’s mom? It would mean a lot more to DH family- My family doesnt have a tradition of naming kids after relatives. It literally has never been done and is not part of our culture. But DH wonders anyway if my parents should have “their turn” and a have a middle name from my side of the family. He thinks they will secretly be pleased. We floated the idea as a thought and they said “oh that’s nice” but didn’t have much of a reaction otherwise. Whereas if baby is named after DH’s mom, she will be over the moon and guaranteed to cry buckets on the spot.

To complicate things, DH’s family is way wealthier so it influences how this will be perceived by both sides or by third parties. Not why we are doing it but thought it was worth mentioning.

I'm so confused. Your kids have first names too, don't they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Deciding what to name our second kid. First kid is named after DH’s dad. Would it be weird if second kid also has a name from DH’s mom? It would mean a lot more to DH family- My family doesnt have a tradition of naming kids after relatives. It literally has never been done and is not part of our culture. But DH wonders anyway if my parents should have “their turn” and a have a middle name from my side of the family. He thinks they will secretly be pleased. We floated the idea as a thought and they said “oh that’s nice” but didn’t have much of a reaction otherwise. Whereas if baby is named after DH’s mom, she will be over the moon and guaranteed to cry buckets on the spot.

To complicate things, DH’s family is way wealthier so it influences how this will be perceived by both sides or by third parties. Not why we are doing it but thought it was worth mentioning.

Naming both after one side of the family is not a big deal to me, especially since it's important to his side and not to yours. If I knew your family dynamics I would never assume you were sucking up to the richer grandparents, unless there was additional context about you chasing their approval. But naming a brother and sister after a husband and wife strikes me as a bit . . . icky. Imagine meeting a brother and sister Adam and Eve, for example. Unless both are only middle names, I'd avoid that scenario.

They already have his last name, now they get middle names from his side as well? Parents who say they don't care about that snub are lying

I agree. Family member with three kids used maternal side of the family exclusively when coming up with names/middle names. That's where the money is. It's obvious to everyone on the paternal side they are pandering to money and embracing only that family heritage. Sad, really.

What's their last name from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid has a last name from my spouse's family and a middle name from my family. My PhD was free and my topic was excellent. I don't believe we've ever compared the relative wealth of our families.

Who paid for all the beer in grad school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg how is this even a question. Of course you choose the side of the family who will fund the name choice baby’s PhD. Yes. You do. We all know it. Anyone who says otherwise is lying.

Gotta love your husband for the polite try though. That was very sweet. And he also knows you’re not going to do it.

WTF are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

My last name is DH's last name.

DH insisted that we name out children with my maiden name. Absolutely would not entertain a random name. He didn't want me regretting not passing on a name.

My parents are wealthy-ish and his are not but that didn't really cross our minds. My parents don't plan to pay for college AFAIK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My last name is DH's last name.

DH insisted that we name out children with my maiden name. Absolutely would not entertain a random name. He didn't want me regretting not passing on a name.

My parents are wealthy-ish and his are not but that didn't really cross our minds. My parents don't plan to pay for college AFAIK.

That is interesting. So you and your husband have one last name, and your kids have another? Or you mean your kids' middle names are your former last name (which isn't as exciting to me, although we have the same -- except I kept my last name)?

[Anonymous]

If everyone knows your first was named after your FIL, and the next one is too, then yes, I'd expect hurt feelings.

I'd go with a neutral name, or named after one of your parents.

My kids all have a grandparent middle name. One grandparent got left out, but it was only because we had three kids and stopped. We didn't leave one side of the family out.

[Anonymous]

I really doubt wealthy grandparents are leaving the kids more money who have their names. Name them whatever you want. This is why we didn’t name our kids after anyone.

[Anonymous]

If you've told your parents you're thinking of using their name and then use the ILs, I wouldn't be at all surprised if they're hurt. They may not carry on about it, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't have been touched by a grandchild with the family name.

I wouldn't leave one side of the family out.