putting multiple young kids to bed yourself - how occupy them during it?

[Anonymous]

Kids get to each pick one book, but not too long. if the oldest truly won't sit and listen to the other books, get a Yoto and some of the story/science cards--he can listen to that while you are reading the baby books/putting the other ones down after you read his. You can use headphones if he's in the same room as everyone else. But I'd try to get him to participate in the younger kid books. Maybe even let him "read" to his little brothers. Does he have any books memorized enough to do that? My 5yo does. Heck, my 3yo will sit and "read" to himself.

Another option is the Toniebox, but those stories are geared to younger kids. Your older one might like the National Geographic ones, though.

I think because of the nap the younger kid is going to fall asleep last anyhow, so that wouldn't concern me.

Could the 5 and 4yo share a room? My 5 and 3yo share a room--helps a lot with handling bedtime solo. Before they shared a room (at ages 1 and 3), it was hard/impossible for one parent to handle both. If this is your permanent normal, it may be worth considering.

[Anonymous]

I know this is parenting heresy, but I never read to my kids at bedtime. It just was too much while putting three little kids to bed. We always read right after dinner. And I alternated who picked a book. Then the bedtime routine was just brushing teeth, going to the bathroom, and getting tucked in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but the “no mommy’s little helper” comment is so gross and unnecessary! How in 2023 are we still not raising our boys to be less helpful than our girls? My mind is truly blown.

Anyway I have the same age gap. I put the youngest one to bed first and then each of the oldest picked a book and we read them together. I also think screens is fine in a pinch.

Eh there are lots of kids that love being a little mommy/daddy to younger siblings or little neighbors or baby dolls….but let’s not kid ourselves and pretend it’s equally common in boys and girls to love doing that

And this is why the relationship board is full of women complaining that their DHs don’t help out enough. We need to raise better men!

Or we could stop expecting 6yo girls to have to be a secondary parent just bc they’re the oldest! Everyone should help around the household, no one should have to be the surrogate parent if they don’t like doing those activities which I see way too many little girls forced into

[Anonymous]

You should have begun a bedtime routine long ago so your problem is all you.

[Anonymous]

Don't have so many kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have begun a bedtime routine long ago so your problem is all you.

Np. What on earth do you get out of posting this ? I see these zingers from you all over the parenting boards lately. Zero useful advice, so how is it fun to just to bash/criticize someone who is struggling and asking for help? are you that miserable in your own life that you think putting down others will make you feel better? It never works like that. Why are you so miserable? Tell us and maybe someone here can help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but the “no mommy’s little helper” comment is so gross and unnecessary! How in 2023 are we still not raising our boys to be less helpful than our girls? My mind is truly blown.

Anyway I have the same age gap. I put the youngest one to bed first and then each of the oldest picked a book and we read them together. I also think screens is fine in a pinch.

Eh there are lots of kids that love being a little mommy/daddy to younger siblings or little neighbors or baby dolls….but let’s not kid ourselves and pretend it’s equally common in boys and girls to love doing that

And this is why the relationship board is full of women complaining that their DHs don’t help out enough. We need to raise better men!

Or we could stop expecting 6yo girls to have to be a secondary parent just bc they’re the oldest! Everyone should help around the household, no one should have to be the surrogate parent if they don’t like doing those activities which I see way too many little girls forced into

No I agree with that for sure but we definitely shouldn’t act like girls can be helpers but boys cannot.

[Anonymous]

Skeepcasts and Wind downs. They’re soothing audio contact. Sleep cast goes off if the kid gets out of their bed.

[Anonymous]

I think more structure would help you immensely.

No screens within two hours of bedtime (ideally more).
Plenty of exercise during the day.
Consistent bedtime schedule and routine.
One book for the family (or more if they are short).
Kids wash up and brush teeth together.

There are some beautiful picture books (not version bears but look for Newberry medal winners for examples) that are purposely designed to be read aloud. They have more complex vocab than easy reader chapter books. Choose a big stack of these at the library. Also get some picture books without words that the kids can just flip through.

Start a sticker chart. One line for each kid. Add a sticker when they do the things you want, for example
- go to bathroom when asked
- sits still for teeth brushing
- watches two year old while sibling is getting brushed
- bath without fighting
- wash face

Etc. You need to raise your expectations and they need to be taught how to meet your new expectations.

Decide together your sticker goals. Individual small prizes and bonus points if they help reach other out. Can have small "wins" like getting to choose the story or having everyone in your bed for story time if you get the most stars the day before or something like that.

It will likely not work perfectly right away but stick with it all least a week. Tweak if necessary and then go another week or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think more structure would help you immensely.

No screens within two hours of bedtime (ideally more).
Plenty of exercise during the day.
Consistent bedtime schedule and routine.
One book for the family (or more if they are short).
Kids wash up and brush teeth together.

There are some beautiful picture books (not version bears but look for Newberry medal winners for examples) that are purposely designed to be read aloud. They have more complex vocab than easy reader chapter books. Choose a big stack of these at the library. Also get some picture books without words that the kids can just flip through.

Start a sticker chart. One line for each kid. Add a sticker when they do the things you want, for example
- go to bathroom when asked
- sits still for teeth brushing
- watches two year old while sibling is getting brushed
- bath without fighting
- wash face

Etc. You need to raise your expectations and they need to be taught how to meet your new expectations.

Decide together your sticker goals. Individual small prizes and bonus points if they help reach other out. Can have small "wins" like getting to choose the story or having everyone in your bed for story time if you get the most stars the day before or something like that.

It will likely not work perfectly right away but stick with it all least a week. Tweak if necessary and then go another week or two.

PS make a visual bedtime routine schedule and post it in the bathroom so that kids get multiple cues about how things are supposed to be done. You can Google for examples.

[Anonymous]

Same ages here. I put the baby to bed (she's 1.5) since she's still nursing and hates books. The older two watch TV usually. Then I read books to the older two together. They each pick out a book. I read the middle child a normal kid book and the oldest gets a couple chapters of a chapter book. They are respectful and sit for each other's books because they know otherwise there will be NO books (I've had to do that before even though it pained me. No means no)

My oldest is 6 and she still enjoys listening to books like Goodnight goodnight construction site. Don't speed your 5 year old into adolescence too fast. They still like preschooler/kindergartner things.

[Anonymous]

Help all 3 brush their teeth, together, and tell them to "go to bed." Kiss. Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but the “no mommy’s little helper” comment is so gross and unnecessary! How in 2023 are we still not raising our boys to be less helpful than our girls? My mind is truly blown.

Anyway I have the same age gap. I put the youngest one to bed first and then each of the oldest picked a book and we read them together. I also think screens is fine in a pinch.

Eh there are lots of kids that love being a little mommy/daddy to younger siblings or little neighbors or baby dolls….but let’s not kid ourselves and pretend it’s equally common in boys and girls to love doing that

And this is why the relationship board is full of women complaining that their DHs don’t help out enough. We need to raise better men!

Or we could stop expecting 6yo girls to have to be a secondary parent just bc they’re the oldest! Everyone should help around the household, no one should have to be the surrogate parent if they don’t like doing those activities which I see way too many little girls forced into

No I agree with that for sure but we definitely shouldn’t act like girls can be helpers but boys cannot.

The OP is putting her kids to bed solo every night when he husband is, presumably, working. This board full of women accepted this without question, and many have been in the same situation.

There are bigger societal and cultural issues at play here than the term “mommy’s little helper.”

[Anonymous]

I was raised in a large family. We all did bedtime together! Read out loud, say prayers, then bed. Some things weren’t ideal about my childhood but that part was fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry but the “no mommy’s little helper” comment is so gross and unnecessary! How in 2023 are we still not raising our boys to be less helpful than our girls? My mind is truly blown.

Anyway I have the same age gap. I put the youngest one to bed first and then each of the oldest picked a book and we read them together. I also think screens is fine in a pinch.

Eh there are lots of kids that love being a little mommy/daddy to younger siblings or little neighbors or baby dolls….but let’s not kid ourselves and pretend it’s equally common in boys and girls to love doing that

And this is why the relationship board is full of women complaining that their DHs don’t help out enough. We need to raise better men!

Or we could stop expecting 6yo girls to have to be a secondary parent just bc they’re the oldest! Everyone should help around the household, no one should have to be the surrogate parent if they don’t like doing those activities which I see way too many little girls forced into

No I agree with that for sure but we definitely shouldn’t act like girls can be helpers but boys cannot.

The OP is putting her kids to bed solo every night when he husband is, presumably, working. This board full of women accepted this without question, and many have been in the same situation.

There are bigger societal and cultural issues at play here than the term “mommy’s little helper.”

I think it’s all the same issue, circled in on itself.