has your child's name caused problems in their life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my own name is going to be the next Karen in a few years .

I became sure of this when the entitled and insufferable millennial or Gen Z title character of a popular Netflix series appeared. The negative stereotype for white women of my generation will mirror the criticism of that title character in a few years. As an expat, I already have people mentioning that character when they learn my name, as if that's the quintessential American women now. Maybe I'll have to go by my middle name in 10 years.

Kaitlyn?

Nope definitely Emily.

[Anonymous]

My experience is hopefully extreme. My mother legit gave me a made up name based on something my four year old brother suggested they name me. She thought it was "cute." It was awful. Some examples from my childhood:

A mom, upon hearing my name, say "does your mom not like you or something?"

Kids told me my name was "stupid." I learned to hide by tears / just shrug it off / pretend I didn't hear them.

Kids didn't usually laugh at my name, but there was always mumbling in the classroom / audience when I was introduced. I would have mini panic attacks anytime roll was taken. Sweating, heart jumping out of my chest, etc.

I changed my name at 18. The woman in the SS office said "I don't blame you" upon seeing my given name.

If I were an extrovert or had self-confidence / self-esteem, maybe it would have been fine. I had a pretty terrible home life and it just didn't help to stick out like that. All I wanted to do was fade into a wall throughout my childhood. I didn't want attention whatsoever, and this attention was overwhelmingly negative.

I have no clue if my mother would say she regrets it or not. Twenty years later, she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and I sometimes wonder if she enjoyed giving me a tough childhood (along the lines of Johnny Cash's Boy Named Sue or something). At the same time, I'm not sure if she knew how much I struggled with it. Did parents make comments to her as well? I'm not sure...

My father wasn't really in the picture, but I know he also didn't like my name. Early on he tried to get my teachers to call me by a more normal nickname, but he gave up after a while.

[Anonymous]

My child’s name starts with a silent W and the kindergarten teacher tried to get them to go by their middle name at school because she thought the silent W would confuse the other children about the sound W makes when they were learning to read.

My kid’s name messed up the teacher’s lessons about the sound each child’s name started with. 🙄

[Anonymous]

I have a common-ish name that can be spelled several different ways (think Sonja/Sonya/Sonia) and I have to correct all the time because even if I spell it out people write down the wrong version and this causes problems on legal documents and the like. My bank had to fix our mortgage docs three times because of this.

[Anonymous]

My name is Meredith but everyone spells it Merideth even though I've only ever know one person to spell it that way. I don't really care but it's spelled the wrong way on my insurance card and has proven very difficult to change. Also, people in other countries don't understand this name and can not pronounce it. I was thrilled when I realized I could use my childhood nickname (Mary) at starbucks- so easy!

[Anonymous]

She was the teacher, not the parent. You need to read better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a kid in my kindergarten class named Axel. At pick up time - there were older kids there (pick up rooms were organized by family). The older kid asked Axel - what's your name.

Axel

What?!? Your name is A$$hole?? (this was shouted)

I jumped up to intervene. There were other parents coming in -- then I apologized to Axel's mom who said:

Oh that's OK -- my mom said people would think his name is A$$hole.

OK then....

This is my son's name and never ever in 12 years has he had this problem.

You also need to parent better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is Karen. I’ve seen black people tense up when they hear my name. I sometimes just use my Hebrew name. It was never a problem before a few years ago.

Yep. I’ve seriously considered going by a new name (middle name? Random name?) just because I get such negative reactions. It really sucks, I loved my name until a few years ago.

I loath Karens

[Anonymous]

My son has what is considered a unique name in DC, but where we are from he was one of three kids we knew during his toddlerhood that shared the name. And one dog

Definitely more comments about it here (we get lots of "Oh, is that a family name?" type questions), but nothing ever negative. It is gender neutral and not common in the US, it seems, though we didn't realize that at the time -- we just liked the name and it fits well with our last name. My kid likes his name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I let my ex pick our third child's name and I hate it and wish I hadn't. It's Isabella. She's one of like, 400 Isabella's in her class. Plus, I don't even like the name.

I worked with someone who named her daughter Elizabeth Isabella!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is Karen. I’ve seen black people tense up when they hear my name. I sometimes just use my Hebrew name. It was never a problem before a few years ago.

I hate this. I’m not named Karen, but I have a wonderful aunt who is. In a world so focused on not causing offense to others, I am utterly confounded that it’s okay to target people who just happen to have this name. For what it’s worth, I call people on it, but obviously I’m not going to be able to reverse the trend by myself.

I’m related to multiple Rebecca’s, a Kevin, annd a Karen. I feel the same. It’s so offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My experience is hopefully extreme. My mother legit gave me a made up name based on something my four year old brother suggested they name me. She thought it was "cute." It was awful. Some examples from my childhood:

A mom, upon hearing my name, say "does your mom not like you or something?"

Kids told me my name was "stupid." I learned to hide by tears / just shrug it off / pretend I didn't hear them.

Kids didn't usually laugh at my name, but there was always mumbling in the classroom / audience when I was introduced. I would have mini panic attacks anytime roll was taken. Sweating, heart jumping out of my chest, etc.

I changed my name at 18. The woman in the SS office said "I don't blame you" upon seeing my given name.

If I were an extrovert or had self-confidence / self-esteem, maybe it would have been fine. I had a pretty terrible home life and it just didn't help to stick out like that. All I wanted to do was fade into a wall throughout my childhood. I didn't want attention whatsoever, and this attention was overwhelmingly negative.

I have no clue if my mother would say she regrets it or not. Twenty years later, she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and I sometimes wonder if she enjoyed giving me a tough childhood (along the lines of Johnny Cash's Boy Named Sue or something). At the same time, I'm not sure if she knew how much I struggled with it. Did parents make comments to her as well? I'm not sure...

My father wasn't really in the picture, but I know he also didn't like my name. Early on he tried to get my teachers to call me by a more normal nickname, but he gave up after a while.

Now I HAVE to know what it was, PP. You don't have it anymore so do tell!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think my own name is going to be the next Karen in a few years .

I became sure of this when the entitled and insufferable millennial or Gen Z title character of a popular Netflix series appeared. The negative stereotype for white women of my generation will mirror the criticism of that title character in a few years. As an expat, I already have people mentioning that character when they learn my name, as if that's the quintessential American women now. Maybe I'll have to go by my middle name in 10 years.

Kaitlyn?

nope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My name is Karen. I’ve seen black people tense up when they hear my name. I sometimes just use my Hebrew name. It was never a problem before a few years ago.

Yep. I’ve seriously considered going by a new name (middle name? Random name?) just because I get such negative reactions. It really sucks, I loved my name until a few years ago.

I loath Karens

Really? You’ve met every single Karen and find them, without exception, to be loathsome? Or perhaps you loathe the behavior that has been associated with the name? Do you think there aren’t people with other names that exhibit that behavior? Unless you’re name is unique, are you confident that someone, somewhere, with the same name, might not behave badly, causing your name to be similarly loathed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My experience is hopefully extreme. My mother legit gave me a made up name based on something my four year old brother suggested they name me. She thought it was "cute." It was awful. Some examples from my childhood:

A mom, upon hearing my name, say "does your mom not like you or something?"

Kids told me my name was "stupid." I learned to hide by tears / just shrug it off / pretend I didn't hear them.

Kids didn't usually laugh at my name, but there was always mumbling in the classroom / audience when I was introduced. I would have mini panic attacks anytime roll was taken. Sweating, heart jumping out of my chest, etc.

I changed my name at 18. The woman in the SS office said "I don't blame you" upon seeing my given name.

If I were an extrovert or had self-confidence / self-esteem, maybe it would have been fine. I had a pretty terrible home life and it just didn't help to stick out like that. All I wanted to do was fade into a wall throughout my childhood. I didn't want attention whatsoever, and this attention was overwhelmingly negative.

I have no clue if my mother would say she regrets it or not. Twenty years later, she was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and I sometimes wonder if she enjoyed giving me a tough childhood (along the lines of Johnny Cash's Boy Named Sue or something). At the same time, I'm not sure if she knew how much I struggled with it. Did parents make comments to her as well? I'm not sure...

My father wasn't really in the picture, but I know he also didn't like my name. Early on he tried to get my teachers to call me by a more normal nickname, but he gave up after a while.

Now I HAVE to know what it was, PP. You don't have it anymore so do tell!

This sounds like Peekaboo Street (except I don’t think she changed her name?) my husband did the same thing. His mom gave him an awful first and middle name. He changed both when he turned 18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As far as I know, my kids like their names. On the other hand:

My mother had an extremely common name for her generation, which she hated. As a result, she invented a name (she thought, it’s apparently not uncommon in a foreign country, but pronounced differently). Regardless of how carefully I spell it out, people tend to spontaneously transform it to obe of several familiar names that are similar. As a result, my medical records have been lost countless times. Mispronunciation is a given. It didn’t help that my father thought it was too big a mouthful, so they gave me a nickname that was only slightly more common. My grandparents didn’t like that nickname, so they gave me another with common alternate spellings. (It thoroughly confused our church that heard half our family calling me one thing, the other half calling me something else, neither of which was my actual name. Nobody used that.) When I went away to college, I tried to simplify my life as much as possible by dropping the nicknames and just using my formal first name. Unfortunately, my college boyfriend who I married shortly after graduation had an unusual last name. I could, of course, have retained my maiden name, but I preferred to adopt his.

Over the years, my answer when asked my name has evolved. I now automatically answer along the lines of “Larle, L-A-R-L-E, like Larla but with an “e” at the end instead of an “a”. This reduces, but does not eliminate confusion. Meanwhile, if I’m at the doctor’s office, waiting for them to call my name, I know I won’t actually hear my name. I may hear one of a handful of similar names, or something that has been completely mangled. The mangled versions are actually more helpful, because when I check if the conventional name was supposed to be mine, sometimes it’s actually someone else’s.

My mother succeeded in that I’ve never had confusion caused by someone having my same name. I have, however, had confusion caused by others having similar names that seem more likely to others than my own.

That sounds really hard, I’m sorry.

A lesson for everyone who grew up with an ultra-common name and don’t want to do the same to your kid— don’t overcorrect! Stay out of the top 100 if it matters to you, but pick a name that’s recognizably a name!

I never wanted my kids to have common names at all, but I know someone who was so proud that none of her 5 kids had names in the top 1,000 and I always felt like saying - yeah but for a reason... although her kids names were relatively straight-forward