Anybody else extremely depressed over real estate?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately the conditions that led them to get way ahead of you are not going to repeat anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a second-time buyer and I am depressed too. Current home is a condo, has not appreciated much but everything else has, and our equity will not make up the gap.

We thought we were being practical buying a condo as first-time buyers because it was well within our budget and close in, which has saved us a lot of money on commuting over the years. And we have saved the difference in what we might have paid for a house if that's what we'd bought. But neither our appreciation nor our savings (nor our incomes) can keep up with the appreciation in houses over the last 7/8 years.

We either have to accept that we're raising kids in a small condo with bad IB schools, or make the big jump to a lower COL area. I guess it's better to have these two options than no options, but it's still disappointing. Especially when peers who only spent maybe 50-80k more (back when borrowing money was cheaper than it is now) are sitting on way more appreciation and have way more options. Our mistake was underbuying and being overly conservative about debt. It's a tough thing to reconcile.

Pretty similar here. I have lots saved up, and despite my current property not appreciating much, I have paid off most of the mortgage. Strongly considering overbuying this time around. My career is stable, and at least I'll hopefully get something I like. It seems like stretching to afford the place you want is frowned upon on this board, but people who have done it in the past are now way ahead of me.

PP here. We feel the opposite -- we feel less inclined to stretch now because we are older and have kids so the margin for error feels smaller than when we were DINKs.

Our original plan was to stay in our condo 7-10 years, then upgrade to a townhouse or SFH using equity and savings, and do a 15 yr mortgage. But because of rates, even a 30 yr mortgage is pushing it and a 15 yr is out of the question. We are mid-40s, the idea of doing another 30 year mortgage sounds terrible unless we are relatively assured of decent appreciation, but after struggling with appreciation the first time, we feel this cannot be relied upon. We won't be able to afford something in a very desirable neighborhood, so we many run into the same issue again with limited appreciation while everything around us skyrockets.

I spend a lot of time looking at real estate in cities like Philly, Minneapolis, Madison, Kansas City, etc., and trying to figure out if that's a jump we could make. It feels like the best way to take our current equity and savings and actually turn it into something meaningful. I also get stressed about staying in our condo longer -- I feel like the longer we stay, the more likely it is that we will basically need to replace everything in order to sell it because there are always so many brand new condos on the market (selling for not that much more than what we paid for ours) and I see older condos sitting a long time.

Sorry to complain so much, I just think about this stuff all the time and stress. Buying a home and building equity was/is a major aspect of retirement planning for us, and with college costs also just though the roof, I worry about money and what it means for my kids/our old age all the time. It's really not just about wanting a bigger or nicer home now (we'd be fine with an older/same size home if it came with good schools and a little outdoor space!), it's about feeling like we made a major financial mistake that we are only just beginning to pay for.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's very depressing. We are in constant discussions about what to do next because everything is so incredibly disheartening at the moment. We are already looking at other places, I can't believe I have to leave my home behind yet again.

[Anonymous]

We just bought our second house (selling the first one) after looking for 5 months and being outbid on 5 offers. We increased our budget and chose to live a little further out. Benefit: the schools are much better. Downside: the kids have to switch schools. Other benefit: we have a big house, a nice yard, a playground in the neighborhood, and several pools nearby that we can join for the summer. You need to expand your search area, OP. You'll find something great, we did!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just bought our second house (selling the first one) after looking for 5 months and being outbid on 5 offers. We increased our budget and chose to live a little further out. Benefit: the schools are much better. Downside: the kids have to switch schools. Other benefit: we have a big house, a nice yard, a playground in the neighborhood, and several pools nearby that we can join for the summer. You need to expand your search area, OP. You'll find something great, we did!

At this point I am looking at other states entirely.

[Anonymous]

Leave the DC area. We did. Best decision we ever made. Believe it or not, you probably do not need to be here. Make a list - what is keeping you here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Middle aged first time buyer and I am practically suicidal over mistakes I made by not buying at what turned out to be the last possible time I could have afforded a nice house.

Its okay, just save and invest. After retiring you can move to a low cost area with no worries about commute, schools or rooms for your offspring and buy a cute little home.

It's too late for that solution. Life is now. My kids' life is now.

Far more than a nice house, your kids need you being present in the moment with them - this, everyday, moment.

Bullshit. They also need space to have friends over. A community. A home they feel proud of instead of their current shithole we have outgrown.

What are the biggest problems with your current place? Is it just not enough space, or are there things you could do to fix it up and make it nicer to live in? Could you get creative with furniture to create more storage, to free up floor space and make it feel bigger?

I think it can be helpful to keep in perspective that in many major cities, for example in Asia, families live in small apartments and raise their kids there all the time and it's the norm and no one looks down on it. The issue here is that so many others have huge houses with yards, so it's hard to see that and feel like you are less than, but if you really focus on what you actually need, it might not be that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Houses I could have stretched to buy at 1.2M 1-3 years ago are now at 1.7M. With current rates and can't afford today's 1.2M, which is orders of magnitude less nice what what I didn't stretch to buy 1-2 years ago. I am miserable.

If getting a house was that important to you, why didn't you stretch and make that purchase? Something told you not to do it, right? There must have been a reason you didn't feel comfortable stretching so much, so lean into that and be glad that you are not financially over your head.

[Anonymous]

I feel like we missed our chance to sell when the market was red hot (I'm not in DC area). It makes me anxious about trying to sell in a cooler market, and I think we missed our chance to get the highest price for our property, but it doesn't "depress" me.

[Anonymous]

Old landlord here. If you want to stay in the DC area, rent instead of buy. It is way more cost-effective to rent rather than buy the same property in the DC area. For any house, on Zillow compare the Zestimate with the Rent Zestimate. You will see how much better off you are to rent and save and invest the difference, or simply be able to afford to live in the home and neighborhood you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Houses I could have stretched to buy at 1.2M 1-3 years ago are now at 1.7M. With current rates and can't afford today's 1.2M, which is orders of magnitude less nice what what I didn't stretch to buy 1-2 years ago. I am miserable.

Read what you wrote. You are in a position to spend $1.2 MILLION DOLLARS on a house. You are doing just fine.

I am not blaming you or throwing shade, but the sooner you realize that your mindset (not your actual circumstances) are the source of your misery, the quicker you can move on and stop beating yourself up over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Middle aged first time buyer and I am practically suicidal over mistakes I made by not buying at what turned out to be the last possible time I could have afforded a nice house.

Its okay, just save and invest. After retiring you can move to a low cost area with no worries about commute, schools or rooms for your offspring and buy a cute little home.

It's too late for that solution. Life is now. My kids' life is now.

Far more than a nice house, your kids need you being present in the moment with them - this, everyday, moment.

Bullshit. They also need space to have friends over. A community. A home they feel proud of instead of their current shithole we have outgrown.

What are the biggest problems with your current place? Is it just not enough space, or are there things you could do to fix it up and make it nicer to live in? Could you get creative with furniture to create more storage, to free up floor space and make it feel bigger?

I think it can be helpful to keep in perspective that in many major cities, for example in Asia, families live in small apartments and raise their kids there all the time and it's the norm and no one looks down on it. The issue here is that so many others have huge houses with yards, so it's hard to see that and feel like you are less than, but if you really focus on what you actually need, it might not be that much.

Shut up Pollyanna. We live in a tiny 2BR rental that is way too small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like we missed our chance to sell when the market was red hot (I'm not in DC area). It makes me anxious about trying to sell in a cooler market, and I think we missed our chance to get the highest price for our property, but it doesn't "depress" me.

You can’t see how that is totally different from OP, who has nothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Houses I could have stretched to buy at 1.2M 1-3 years ago are now at 1.7M. With current rates and can't afford today's 1.2M, which is orders of magnitude less nice what what I didn't stretch to buy 1-2 years ago. I am miserable.

Read what you wrote. You are in a position to spend $1.2 MILLION DOLLARS on a house. You are doing just fine.

I am not blaming you or throwing shade, but the sooner you realize that your mindset (not your actual circumstances) are the source of your misery, the quicker you can move on and stop beating yourself up over this.

No I am not. I WAS in that position before at lower prices and rates. Now I am not anymore.

[Anonymous]

Adding, at the time my net worth was also 20% higher.