How/Has DCUM shaped your impression of local private schools?

[Anonymous]

Both insane mothers and teens who ought to be doing homework would be somewhat controlled by requiring some sort of login. I sincerely wish Mr. Steele would weigh in on exactly why he does not at least try such a requirement on a trial basis. I am betting that hits would fall off, but content would improve dramatically.

[jsteele]

I got an email asking that I weigh in on this thread. The issue of requiring logins comes up every few months and I have addressed it repeatedly. The short answer is that it is not something we are considering. The longer answer follows:

1) The vast majority of DCUM users do not want to be required to login. There is nothing stopping people from logging in now, yet very few people do. All of those who believe logging in is a good idea should begin doing so and set a good example. If we ever reached the point that a significant number of people were logging in, I could be persuaded to require logins.

2) I can require logins for specific forums. Therefore, if you felt that the school forums would benefit from requiring logins, but you also want to post in Off-Topic anonymously, that can be arranged. But you need to lead by example. I try to meet needs, rather than force things upon people. If it was up to me, we would discuss nothing but politics, cars, and computers (and sometimes football). If I see a demonstrated interest in requiring logins, I will try to fulfill that interest. But, that means seeing people actually logging in. Not posting anonymous messages saying that people shouldn't post anonymous messages.

3) Usernames are easily created and multiple identities can easily be created. In some ways, that is actually more misleading than our current format. While logins would discourage drive-by trolls, it would probably not decrease unwanted posts as much as you think.

4) A big reason for not requiring logins is to prevent the establishment of track records that lead to people being identified. If over time user "DC MOM" discusses the school her son attends, the business at which her husband works, the yoga class she attends on Thursdays, etc., eventually people figure out who she is.

Finally, I am dubious about the suggestion that a significant number of high school kids are posting here. I occasionally look into problematic posters and none of them have shown any indication of being students. To the contrary, most are easily linked to well known businesses and institutions. That's not to say that no students post here, but just as they are the biggest problem we face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I love how kids are blamed for so many of the outrageous posts. Sure, many posts are childish, but generally the fixations and the attitudes don't seem to belong to teens.

Are you kidding? It is exactly the fixations that are the work of teens.

Just about any -obsessive- 347-comment thread having to do with 1. teen sex 2. teen oral sex 3. Landon varsity lax or 4. college admissions from 2009/2010 is guaranteed to be the product of bickering teens and tweens.

Look, there just are not that many parents on DCUM who have teens. That's a fact. Want to test this? Post a straight-forward, non-loaded question having to do specifically with teens in General Parenting. Maybe ask for BTDT advice concerning adolescent pediatrics or advice on 'opening a savings account my teenager'. You'll get 35 views and a whopping 4 answers. That's because no one on DCUM has actually been there, done that with teens, because we all have toddlers and preschoolers. A few of us have school age kids.

Now post a fake question in Private Schools asking innocently about "Does your child's private high school dispense birth control?" and you'll get suddenly get 128 answers from DCUM "parents" about how Potomac girls are sluttier than Holton girls so of COURSE they hand out diaphragms in the hall. Or Landon boys start having sex on average at age 14. Or a million other answers from these brand new DCUM subscribers with "teens."

I love this! I've posted some questions about teen issues and I got a very tepid response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The knee-jerk critics don't turn me off of particular schools but in some cases the boosters certainly do.

Agree. There are 2-4 schools that really impress me on paper, but I now have a negative sense about them because they have obnoxious boosters crowing on DCUM. By contrast, I can think of a few schools that I now think more positively about, in part because their parents rarely comment on DCUM. I know it's not fair or logical, but I definitely find myself developing those biases.

Beacuse you are aware of these biases, you should be able to counteract them. I mean, letting yourself be discouraged from applying to top schools by obnoxious boosters is just foolish.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:I got an email asking that I weigh in on this thread. The issue of requiring logins comes up every few months and I have addressed it repeatedly. The short answer is that it is not something we are considering. The longer answer follows:

1) The vast majority of DCUM users do not want to be required to login. There is nothing stopping people from logging in now, yet very few people do. All of those who believe logging in is a good idea should begin doing so and set a good example. If we ever reached the point that a significant number of people were logging in, I could be persuaded to require logins.

2) I can require logins for specific forums. Therefore, if you felt that the school forums would benefit from requiring logins, but you also want to post in Off-Topic anonymously, that can be arranged. But you need to lead by example. I try to meet needs, rather than force things upon people. If it was up to me, we would discuss nothing but politics, cars, and computers (and sometimes football). If I see a demonstrated interest in requiring logins, I will try to fulfill that interest. But, that means seeing people actually logging in. Not posting anonymous messages saying that people shouldn't post anonymous messages.

3) Usernames are easily created and multiple identities can easily be created. In some ways, that is actually more misleading than our current format. While logins would discourage drive-by trolls, it would probably not decrease unwanted posts as much as you think.

4) A big reason for not requiring logins is to prevent the establishment of track records that lead to people being identified. If over time user "DC MOM" discusses the school her son attends, the business at which her husband works, the yoga class she attends on Thursdays, etc., eventually people figure out who she is.

Finally, I am dubious about the suggestion that a significant number of high school kids are posting here. I occasionally look into problematic posters and none of them have shown any indication of being students. To the contrary, most are easily linked to well known businesses and institutions. That's not to say that no students post here, but just as they are the biggest problem we face.

Jeff, why not do what most other blogs do, where users pick a Handle, supply a confident email address, and post without logging in. People can keep consistent handles if they do want to develop a rep or can change them freely so as not to leave a trail. It allows people to identify people by something more than their posting time. I, for instance, regularly use a handle but don't do login stuff only because I'm lazy (not a GOOD excuse, but an excuse nonetheless). Look at how NYTimes blogs work for a good example. They moderate, which I don't recommend here, but allowing people to attach handles without logging in offers a nice middle ground. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's because no one on DCUM has actually been there, done that with teens, because we all have toddlers and preschoolers. A few of us have school age kids.

Some of us do have teens as well as younger kids in upper elementary grades. And, yes, teens do post on this board, but I think it's pretty obvious when they do. Actually, while their posts are naive -- and sometimes obnoxious -- in their oversimplification, they're not always as clueless as the far more frequent posts by parents with no first-hand knowledge of the issue in question. (e.g, "My neighbor's neice's soccer teammate's brother goes to X school and I heard blah, blah, blah. . . ").

In general, I would say that parents of teens are less likely to respond to any post here because we have gotten to the point where we know that people have very dug-in attitudes about many of these issues and there's no point in trying to reason with them. The teens themselves haven't learned that lesson, plus they have that "be true to your school" thing going, so they respond even to posters who clearly do not want to hear views other than their own.

[Anonymous]

To answer OP's question, I am seriously thinking about taking dd out of private and using public as a result of DCUM.
Honestly, the economy also has had an impact.

[Anonymous]

Oh that is seriously lame pp to make a decision based upon anonymous postings. The economy is a sound reason...postings are not.

[Anonymous]

I've learned:

1) that I'm really glad we had our kids go public for elementary and waited to apply to independent schools until middle school, thus avoiding the craziness that seems to dominate the admissions process for preK and K; and,

2) people really persist in putting boys in boxes -- i.e., sporty "alpha" types or non-sporty "artsy" types. My sons (teens) and their friends don't fall so nearly into those categories, and I hate to think so many adults want to pigeonhole them -- and younger boys -- like that.

[Anonymous]

DCUM made it clear to me the obsession with private schools, particularly the Big 3, in this area. Frankly, prior to DCUM, the only issue we faced was whether we'd move to a Whitman, BCC, or Churchill neighborhood from our NW DC home. DCUM was eye opening. Among other things, it became clear to me that private schools were yet another way of structuring the class system in this area. Almost a Holy Grail of sorts. I got hooked. I will be the first admit we are class obsessed, noveau riche, social climbers. This was our primary goal in entering that private school lottery/rat race. We won. We got in. We are now full-fledged, very active, and highly visible members of the Cathedral (Beauvoir, STA, and NCS) Community. I would like to say I was wrong about what a private school could do for us. But that would not be true. We're now regularly getting invited to the A list parties and vacationing in exotic places with school friends. Also as a result, we're now members of a Country Club, and my husband has probably drummed up another million or so (yearly) in business for his law firm at the same time. I have matured slightly, now recognizing, thankfully, that my initial motivating factors had more to do with me than my dear children. Fortunately, they are thriving and the schools have been a great fit.

Long story short, DCUM opened up my eyes to the elite and highly coveted nature of the area private schools. Rather than being turned off, I was turned on, and am happy for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM made it clear to me the obsession with private schools, particularly the Big 3, in this area. Frankly, prior to DCUM, the only issue we faced was whether we'd move to a Whitman, BCC, or Churchill neighborhood from our NW DC home. DCUM was eye opening. Among other things, it became clear to me that private schools were yet another way of structuring the class system in this area. Almost a Holy Grail of sorts. I got hooked. I will be the first admit we are class obsessed, noveau riche, social climbers. This was our primary goal in entering that private school lottery/rat race. We won. We got in. We are now full-fledged, very active, and highly visible members of the Cathedral (Beauvoir, STA, and NCS) Community. I would like to say I was wrong about what a private school could do for us. But that would not be true. We're now regularly getting invited to the A list parties and vacationing in exotic places with school friends. Also as a result, we're now members of a Country Club, and my husband has probably drummed up another million or so (yearly) in business for his law firm at the same time. I have matured slightly, now recognizing, thankfully, that my initial motivating factors had more to do with me than my dear children. Fortunately, they are thriving and the schools have been a great fit.

Long story short, DCUM opened up my eyes to the elite and highly coveted nature of the area private schools. Rather than being turned off, I was turned on, and am happy for it.

Is this for real? Or is it just another shot, perhaps more artfully crafted than most, in the long history of sniping at the cathedral schools?

[Anonymous]

I'm really glad we didn't read the posts about our elementary school (Grace Episcopal) before choosing it. There is a Grace troll on DCUM who, although she seems bitter and insane in retrospect, would drive sane but naive parents away. Nothing she said matched with our experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM made it clear to me the obsession with private schools, particularly the Big 3, in this area. Frankly, prior to DCUM, the only issue we faced was whether we'd move to a Whitman, BCC, or Churchill neighborhood from our NW DC home. DCUM was eye opening. Among other things, it became clear to me that private schools were yet another way of structuring the class system in this area. Almost a Holy Grail of sorts. I got hooked. I will be the first admit we are class obsessed, noveau riche, social climbers. This was our primary goal in entering that private school lottery/rat race. We won. We got in. We are now full-fledged, very active, and highly visible members of the Cathedral (Beauvoir, STA, and NCS) Community. I would like to say I was wrong about what a private school could do for us. But that would not be true. We're now regularly getting invited to the A list parties and vacationing in exotic places with school friends. Also as a result, we're now members of a Country Club, and my husband has probably drummed up another million or so (yearly) in business for his law firm at the same time. I have matured slightly, now recognizing, thankfully, that my initial motivating factors had more to do with me than my dear children. Fortunately, they are thriving and the schools have been a great fit.

Long story short, DCUM opened up my eyes to the elite and highly coveted nature of the area private schools. Rather than being turned off, I was turned on, and am happy for it.

What DCUM showed you is that there is a small group of moms - between 30 and 50 - who are obsessed about privates and also have too much time on their hands. It's mostly the obsessives to come here day after day to agonize about admissions, and then after admissions are over they come here to match wits with the other moms about why their own schools are best.

If you think DCUM speaks for the majority of parents in "this area" as you say, then you are totally misguided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM made it clear to me the obsession with private schools, particularly the Big 3, in this area. Frankly, prior to DCUM, the only issue we faced was whether we'd move to a Whitman, BCC, or Churchill neighborhood from our NW DC home. DCUM was eye opening. Among other things, it became clear to me that private schools were yet another way of structuring the class system in this area. Almost a Holy Grail of sorts. I got hooked. I will be the first admit we are class obsessed, noveau riche, social climbers. This was our primary goal in entering that private school lottery/rat race. We won. We got in. We are now full-fledged, very active, and highly visible members of the Cathedral (Beauvoir, STA, and NCS) Community. I would like to say I was wrong about what a private school could do for us. But that would not be true. We're now regularly getting invited to the A list parties and vacationing in exotic places with school friends. Also as a result, we're now members of a Country Club, and my husband has probably drummed up another million or so (yearly) in business for his law firm at the same time. I have matured slightly, now recognizing, thankfully, that my initial motivating factors had more to do with me than my dear children. Fortunately, they are thriving and the schools have been a great fit.

Long story short, DCUM opened up my eyes to the elite and highly coveted nature of the area private schools. Rather than being turned off, I was turned on, and am happy for it.

Is this for real? Or is it just another shot, perhaps more artfully crafted than most, in the long history of sniping at the cathedral schools?

No, not for real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCUM made it clear to me the obsession with private schools, particularly the Big 3, in this area. Frankly, prior to DCUM, the only issue we faced was whether we'd move to a Whitman, BCC, or Churchill neighborhood from our NW DC home. DCUM was eye opening. Among other things, it became clear to me that private schools were yet another way of structuring the class system in this area. Almost a Holy Grail of sorts. I got hooked. I will be the first admit we are class obsessed, noveau riche, social climbers. This was our primary goal in entering that private school lottery/rat race. We won. We got in. We are now full-fledged, very active, and highly visible members of the Cathedral (Beauvoir, STA, and NCS) Community. I would like to say I was wrong about what a private school could do for us. But that would not be true. We're now regularly getting invited to the A list parties and vacationing in exotic places with school friends. Also as a result, we're now members of a Country Club, and my husband has probably drummed up another million or so (yearly) in business for his law firm at the same time. I have matured slightly, now recognizing, thankfully, that my initial motivating factors had more to do with me than my dear children. Fortunately, they are thriving and the schools have been a great fit.

Long story short, DCUM opened up my eyes to the elite and highly coveted nature of the area private schools. Rather than being turned off, I was turned on, and am happy for it.

HAHAHAHAAHAH. Now we're definitely not going private. Wow. You sound like a pretty miserable social climber. No one I'd want to befriend.